to think that being aggressive so publicly is as bad as poor etiquette? (Fair warning: Facebook related)

[11VipersVaping]

Name changed for privacy.

dons hard hat

I saw this on my newsfeed this morning from someone I get on quite well with. The status was accompanied by a link to an etiquette blog(!!).

AIBU to think that posting a passive aggressive status for everyone to see is just as poor form as not sending a thank you note?

Everyone seems to do things online these days so is a thank you note sent digitally really that outrageous? Does that take anything away from the sentiment or the words used? Or am I just common as muck?

I know i'm really odd but I hate getting thank you cards. My SIL always makes sure that her children send them but its so clear that they are written under duress. I don't blame my nieces and nephews - their letters remind me of that cloud that used to hang over Christmas and Birthdays as a child. Sending thankyou notes always felt like doing homework.

These days when we have reached "peak stuff" its rare to receive a gift that actually brings joy. Most of the time a gift just obliges the recipient to make room in their house for another person's taste. The Facebook poster strikes me as rude and out of step with modern mores.

Most of the time a gift just obliges the recipient to make room in their house for another person's taste.

either you are getting really crap gifts, or you are really grumpy! (your post was funny though)

She is being unreasonable to expect a thankyou card/letter but it's rude if they didn't send anything. These public rants are always so cringey though!

manbono I had 12 people at my wedding including the bride and groom, so all of them were on my Facebook :D I hardly befriend anyone on there but all of my extended family and friends (most friends I've known since my teenage years so have a similar relationship with FB or I have met through a mutual hobby, the organising of which is often and easily done on Facebook) are on there. Defo my specific circumstances I think.

Thank you cards are such a British thing. I'm Canadian and DH is South African and it's just not a thing! You say thanks in person or now, on Facebook, or not at all. Thanks is assumed. I have lost UK born friends over not sending thank you notes, good riddance!

I agree with the sentiment of the post but it's a bit naff to post it on FB, especially given he/she is probably friends with the brides and grooms it's aimed at. Have they commented on it OP?

Thank you cards are such a British thing

I have received lovely thank you cards from Canadian friends....I thought that the Brits were actually a lot more relax with these, other countries have much stricter etiquette and expect the thank you in a much shorter time than we do here.

mambono

Is that facebook person wrong to rant on facebook? Not really, she is not having an argument with anyone specific, she is ranting. We all do, not always on FB though.

But that's the thing, isn't it? She has posted passive-aggressively on Facebook and presumably the people who she is talking about will see it, as they had thanked her over messenger. Presumably they had no idea she felt so strongly about thank you notes or they would have sent her one. So they may have socialised with her for 2-3 years not knowing that all that time she was so angry about this.

I don't know about you but I would be deeply uncomfortable if I found out, via a status or any medium really, that someone judged/disliked me so much for years and harboured a grudge about a faux pas.

I thought that the Brits were actually a lot more relax with these - I've lived in half a dozen countries and have friends from all over the world. Brits are the only ones obsessed with cards. Not just thank you cards, but birthday, Christmas, Christening, all kinds of possible anniversaries, all kinds of events, etc etc. And of course people keep tabs and get offended that the second cousin twice removed they've never met didn't send a card when they bought a new sofa..

I might be exaggerating, but just a little

Whereas you've reprinted her private FB post on a public forum instead of confronting her.

Aren't you something else

I have no way of knowing if the guilty ones are her FB friend or not.

If a friend of mine rant, and it could be addressed to me, I just comment to explain or apologise if needed.

So something along the line of" I am so embarrassed, that's me, I am so sorry"
or "Sorry you feel that way, I believe that a virtual reply is better to save the trees"

Even if it's not addressed specifically to me, I might comment anyway with a different point of view.

trollspoopglitter
Whereas you've reprinted her private FB post on a public forum instead of confronting her. angry

Aren't you something else shock

Well as I haven't held a wedding or Christening or engagement that she has attended I have no reason to confront her.

*Thank you cards are such a British thing

I have received lovely thank you cards from Canadian friends....I thought that the Brits were actually a lot more relax with these, other countries have much stricter etiquette and expect the thank you in a much shorter time than we do here.*

I've lived in 4 countries and the only people I've met (or think it's a big deal not to expect it) thank you cards are Brits. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but it is certainly a cultural thing.

Brits are the only ones obsessed with cards

I can't disagree with THAT
Thank you cards are a bit more international though

So you don't feel you need to speak to your friend about it directly because it doesn't concern you, but reprinting her words and publicly bitching about her attitude to strangers is ok.

What a friend you are.

Cards are bloody expensive though! Here in the UAE a card is 5 pounds!!! Sorry but that's too expensive for me to send 40 of them!

Thank you cards are a bit more international though

Nope.

It sounds as if she doesn't know if her gifts arrived or not in at least one case. That is one point of the thank you (email, note, or phone call) to let the giver know that their gift was received.

During a wedding, frequently the bride and groom are rushing around talking to everyone and may not have had time to open presents and know what people have given them. They don't have a chance to thank people on the day so they do need to do something afterwards to say thank you. That's only polite.

I wonder if the friends whose weddings she attended are friends with her on Facebook?

In my opinion although I sent out thank you cards as previously stated, I would be fully happy with a text, messenger contact or email to personally thank me. The key being that the thanks is personalised so they've at least given me 30 seconds or a minute of their time to acknowledge my gift as opposed to a generic quick 'yeah thanks everyone' msg.

Mambono

either you are getting really crap gifts, or you are really grumpy!

Grumpy as charged.

Thefitfatty

I don't mean that it's a tradition in every country, but the cards are a big thing in the States. My mum is German, my dad is French, so I assure you that the thank you cards are not exclusively a British thing!