if I ask DH to back off from these friends?

[JumpingJellybeanz]

DH has a long standing friendship with an ex colleague (H). Both academics who get together to cogitate on the latest research and share tips on dodgy cardigans. Occasionally we get together as couples. H's partner (S) is nice enough but we've not really hit it off as friends, just acquaintances really.

Last year at ours S met a new friend of mine (B). They hit it off straight away as they're from the same country. After this we received more invites for both us which were also extended to B. At first I didn't mind but S and B were increasingly slipping into their native language and I felt a bit surplus to requirements.

The last couple of times I've been left out completely, not even invited. If they were pursuing their own friendship separately that'd be fine, but they're not. It's like B is being treated as DH's +1 because S likes her more. DH agreed it was rude and inappropriate so started turning down all invites and just having his regular get together with H at their sports club.

All would be fine except he's gone today and S and B have gatecrashed as S thought it'd be nice if they could all have lunch together because it's been a while. They're also really keen to have a go at the sport so are talking about making it a regular thing.

Would this piss you off?

I do/did feel hurt and left out. I have AS so don't have any actual friends.

Which would make their behaviour even more cunty IMHO!

How does DH propose resolving the situation?

DH is a bit like a rabbit in headlights to be honest. He doesn't want it but doesn't know how to handle it (he has AS too). I know he won't like a complete novice trying to tag along on their training sessions.

That's really hard then because I'm figuring your dh doesn't have many friends either. And the last thing you want to do is split up the friendship. Do the women want to join in or are they just sitting chatting and having a drink together?

Ah, OK, I'm sorry -- I didn't realise that you actually felt left out of the group. In that case, it does sound like they're being a bit mean and cliquey.

It sounds like your husband is on the same page as you and would rather not have to be part of the this foursome without you, and would just be happy to see his friend on his own.

How close is he to the husband? Would it be at all possible for him to just be honest and say something t his friend like "Jumpingjelly feels a bit excluded, and I'm not comfortable with us socialising in a foursome either. It just feels a bit like we're leaving her out. I'd rather that you and I spend time together, or if we're in a group, that we invite my wife. Is that cool with you?"

Or would that be weird and awkward? I have some friends I would feel I could be that honest with, and some I wouldn't.

Could he have rung you today when the lunch was suggested? 'Oh, if we are all having lunch together I will ring Jellybeanz, I know she would like to come too.' They could hardly say 'No just the four of us' without sounding really mean.