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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my family tell me that I am the dogs mummy as well.

145 replies

canteatcustard · 05/01/2017 16:50

which is quite a revolting idea to me. I would never give birth to anything that hairy.
Family point out that he drinks when I turn the tap on or drink, as he runs to his water bowl and drinks.

When I pop to the loo, he follows, waits for me to go out then waits by the back door to go out himself.

Apparently he makes a huge fuss when he hears my car pull up or I walk to the door.

All this is proof that I am his mummy.

I dont think so, I am simply the one that opens the magic cans of chappie, give him fresh water. And during the working week am the one to do the walking.
He only follows me because I am the one that cooks and he can snatch the odd bit of veggie peel . I am the source of food and walks. I am the one that picks up his poop.

I am already the mother of a large brood, this dog is not my baby!

OP posts:
MissVictoria · 05/01/2017 20:12

I refer to my brood of 2 syrian hamsters, 2 russian hamsters and 4 gerbils as "the kids" as blanket term when talking about my fluffy pets. Don't refer to the 4 snakes as kids or anything but "snakes". Of course i don't refer to myself as their mummy or anything like that, they are family but still pets, a mummy is someone who has a human child. I love them all dearly, and can't have a human child (bio or adopted) and they do make me happy and fill my love meter, but "mummy" is a bit too far.

TheCatsMother99 · 05/01/2017 20:15

I think my name says it all

Violetcharlotte · 05/01/2017 20:22

I'm my dogs Mum. And my Mum refers to her and my Dad as 'Nanny and Grandad' (my Dad hates it when she does this in public!)

pigsDOfly · 05/01/2017 20:24

My dog certainly doesn't see me as her mummy. I think she sees me as just the other occupant of the house, albeit the one with access to the good stuff i.e. food and treats, and the thrower of balls.

She never cuddles, will occasionally sit beside me on the floor for a short while, but mainly likes her own company and does her own thing in a room on her own somewhere else in the house. If i'm in another room and she needs me for anything, such as opening the back door so she can go into the garden, she will summon me with a short bark.

Actually thinking about it, I think she sees me more as an equal or even perhaps part of her work force rather than as a mother figure.

BestIsWest · 05/01/2017 20:28

Yep, my parents refer to our pup as 'the Granddog'

tabulahrasa · 05/01/2017 20:36

I don't think of the dog as one of the children, he's not a fur baby, I don't refer to myself as his mum or mummy...

But, I'm pretty sure he thinks that's what I am TBH. I'm in charge of him, his food, his welfare and I'm not sure he's sophisticated enough to know he's a pet, lol

Jaagojaago · 05/01/2017 20:38

There is a massive and obtuse obsession on this thread trying to link parental affection/benevolence with the very specific visceral act of birthing something out of a fanjo.

I have birthed my son out of my fanjo. 36 hours informed me precisely what that is like.

And yet - my parental affection flows across and over various such lines - I find it possible to love my baby and my dog differently - and sometimes shock horror similarly in moments of gentle affection.

It's just love. It just happens to flow quite easily from me to dog or from DH to dog - without thoughts about my vagina entering the picture frankly.

orangeyellowgreen · 05/01/2017 20:42

I'm glad I don't know any of those posters who deny that we are our dogs' mums and, what's worse, refer to dogs as "It".
I should feel sorry for anyone who's never been adored by a small furry person but no, you don't deserve such love.

RogueStar01 · 05/01/2017 20:53

My dd lists her family always including her brother dog and two cat sisters. I agree love is love, when my dog was poorly and wanted comfort he looked for me, that's parental love/affection, we are his pack etc. My human dc do come first but it isn't a zero sum game.

Pluto30 · 05/01/2017 20:58

It's news to me that you have to give birth to something to be its mother... How do these naysayers feel about adoptive parents?

I am my dogs' mum. Most days I like them more than my actual human children. My dogs don't clobber me in the face with a coat hanger, like my youngest DC just did.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/01/2017 21:18

It seems there are some people on this thread who think the concept of family (mum/dad/brothers/sisters) is defined by and limited exclusively to biological relationships. Hence the repeated references to "I didn't push a dog out of my vagina so I can't be its mummy."

Well, no. Nor did any adoptive mothers give birth to their children either. I hope there aren't any reading this thread. Confused

bigbuttons · 05/01/2017 22:13

I don't disagree at all that dogs are part of the family they live with, however, an adult dog in the wild would not be looking for a mummy. It would leave its mother or become part of its mother's pack, but it's natural mother would not be its mummy in the way humans seem to want to be.
Dogs are pack animals of course and will see the adults that provide as pack leaders not mummy.

bigbuttons · 05/01/2017 22:15

I really don't get why people put human emotions onto their animals. I'm guessing it fulfills some sort of need.

Abecedario · 05/01/2017 22:19

I said upthread, my mum didn't give birth to me, she was still my mum. I've come across the "you didn't give birth to them so you can't be the parent" line fairly often in various forms, usually pets, and yep it's kind of thoughtless.

I know the difference between animals and humans. My dog is still my favourite boy, my gorgeous puppy, the handsomest boy in the whole world AND my baby. He is a link to my mum who I lost a few years back (she surprised me by rehoming him when I'd had to move in with her during one of the worst times of my life), he's brought nothing but love, affection and comfort into my life and has been the only thing capable of making me smile during some really dark times. So he's family and we're a team. Luckily DP, despite not being a dog person previously, accepts that and now adores him just as I do.

I jokingly call DP the manservant despite him not actually being one, he calls me pie though I don't actually have a pastry crust, my niece is my little froglet etc etc They're just names.

MimsyFluff · 05/01/2017 22:20

I am my Ddog's mother I feed them, walk them, bathe them and train/ed them just as I do with DC but the Ddog's listen when told so they must love me more. But then I don't shout "DC get your head out of the toilet!" we talked about calling the puppy DH's name so the neighbours would think DH does such things

Abecedario · 05/01/2017 22:29

My dog is of the approximate size, shape and temperament of a teddy bear bigbuttons, maybe a teddy bear crossed with a particularly demanding Hollywood diva. In the wild he'd be dead in under 4 minutes I'm guessing.

I get what you're saying, but I'm not putting human emotions on him. The human emotions are mine, and I love him more than the world. He loves me in whatever way dogs experience that - he wants to be near me, pines and worries when I'm away, goes wild with delight when I come back, looks to me for comfort if he's hurt or scared and behaves in an affectionate way towards me. He does this even when other people are providing food/walks/belly rubs. He did it even when I'd been away months. It's pack bonding or whatever but I call it love. I don't think he thinks I'm his mum, but I do think he loves me in a dog type way.

HellonHeels · 05/01/2017 22:37

I am most definitely my cats' mummy! And my mum is their grandma. They purr at her over the phone.

haveyourselfamerry · 05/01/2017 22:38

As usual, there's a fine line between expressing your own enjoyment of a relationship (in this case through parent metaphors) that thrusting them on other people (as is happening to the poor OP).

YANBU.

AGnu · 05/01/2017 22:47

DS insists I'm the grandmother of his soft toy. He, himself, is it's "muh-muh" & DH is it's Daddy. Weird family dynamic! Hmm I'd cope better if it were a real animal that made me a "grandmother" at 28.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/01/2017 22:48

I really don't get why people put human emotions onto their animals. I'm guessing it fulfills some sort of need.

I'm certainly not anthropomorphising my cockatiel. I'm under no illusions about how he views me - Supplier of Food/Toys/Bath time but otherwise irritant to be hissed at and treated with contempt.

Nevertheless, I call myself 'mummy' and have his photo as my screen saver. All the love and devotion is one way traffic.

eleventybillion · 05/01/2017 22:49

Definitely not the cats mother here!

But she is my baby girl ...

She's also (at various times) pudding, sausage and starry.

I do understand that in reality she's none of these things but I love her and that's one of the ways to show how much she means to me.

I also love it way more than I should when she gets called eleventycat mysurname at the vets. Grin

thebakerwithboobs · 05/01/2017 22:51

Don't know about my dog being my child but I wish my children were like my dog-they might actually do what they're bloody told!

Jaagojaago · 05/01/2017 22:53

Indeed verybitchyrestingface - in fact I had NEVER in my life thought of human vagina + furry animal in the same sentence/space till this thread brought out the oh-so-knowledgeables enlightening us that the two in fact are not linked. Hmm

As a woman with negligible relationships with my biological mother yet with many loving and inspiring mentors who have 'mothered' me in various large to small ways - I find it really easy to see that parental kindness/maternal feelings can arise in many diverse situations. And that's okay.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 05/01/2017 22:59

I don't see myself as the cats' mummy, although the vet once called me that, caused no end of confusion particularly as had three human children in the room (one of whom does regard herself as their mummy) plus two cats and we were discussing dd's reaction to their flea treatment and their reaction to a different flea treatment. Too many cats, mummies and reactions.

HorridHenryrule · 05/01/2017 23:06

I am not a dog lover but I would have to say you are his mammy. Who disciplines him, who feeds him and who gives him a cuddle when he looks lonely. I will have a dog when the kids leave home.

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