I'm 41 and my partner is 49. When we met, I mentioned that I found the idea of having kids a bit terrifying and had never really felt 'broody'. He said that he hadn't completely ruled it out in his head, but by this point he was 35 and had been single for a very long time, and just sort of had a hunch children weren't going to happen, but he certainly wouldn't say 'no' if I wanted them.
By the time we'd been together long enough for the relationship to feel committed enough to think about children, neither of us really wanted kids. I love babies, and I can't pretend I don't sometimes wonder what it would be like to have one, but I don't think I regret our decision.
For the early years of our relationship we were quite skint, and we also live 250 miles away from any of our family. We also lived in an area where I wouldn't in all honesty have wanted to bring up a child - great for singles and couples, but no facilities for kids, no good schools, no green spaces etc. I do sometimes wonder if things had been different if we'd had more money that would have made it easier for one of us to give up work for a few years to be a stay-at-home parent, or if we'd lived near our families who would have loved to babysit, but overall I don't have any regrets.
The only other thing I sometimes think is 'But when we die, what will be left?' I have nieces and nephews but although I'm fond of them, we're not particularly close. I sometimes feel slightly sad at the thought of us leaving behind all our precious and personal sentimental items when we die and them just ending up in a skip. I know that's a really weird thing to worry about, and it's not like I'll even know about it when it happens because I'll be dead, but it does cross my mind. Certainly doesn't bother me enough to want to have kids for that reason, though!
Generally speaking we really love our lives they way they are, and I suspect our relationship has been as easy and harmonious as it has partly because the added stress of children isn't a factor. We don't regret not having children, and I think whenever we go somewhere where there are lots of kids, we both think "I'm glad this isn't us." I also know that I would colossally anxious all the time if I had a child. I worry enough about something awful happening to my partner, to be honest, let alone a helpless child.
I do think it's completely natural to think 'what if' and to think 'that could have been me', especially when you see a particularly lovely parent-child moment. But for every one of those moments I see a child behaving appallingly or a teenager being obnoxious or parents being stressed out and I think 'Thank god that's not me.'