To ask your views on this? Came up on my Facebook

[ICantThinkOfAUsernameH]

This just came up on my newsfeed and wondered if I'm alone in thinking wrapping up in cotton wool doesn't necessarily make someone a victim?
I admit I am an over worrier with DS1 as he's very sensitive but also very caring and switched on for a 3 year old.
I dread to think if he was bullied.
My dm says I "mother" him too much but I love the bond we have.
Willing to hear both sides .

Why is bullying felt with in the workplace, but shouldn't be in schools?

I've often wondered why we expect children, whose brains/self worth/confidence, is developing, to put up with things that Adults don't have to.

It also doesn't do anything for the bully, especially males, who Women can't fight, once they become Adults.

There's really no such thing as 'low level' bully, like there's no such thing as 'low level' domestic abuse.

My bullies at school,were the "nice" children, from wealthy middle class backgrounds. They could do no wrong in the eyes of the teachers, so they did nothing.
My crime was to be the fat one who didn't know how to join in. Any resilience I might have had had gone by the time I was 13/14.
The bullying was not ok, I had done nothing to deserve it. This might have been 25 years ago, but I still see the same scenario play out again and again with children who don't quite fit the socially acceptable norm. If schools follow their own bullying policies and actually take action, these children's resilience may not take such a beating.

As a child who was bullied on the way home from school every night by kids from a different school I do agree with the message in it

As soon as I fought back and stopped being a quiet victim and defended myself it never happened again.

I always found it strange afterwards that 3 big tough bullies I was so scared of used to cross the road every night after that, yes I did hit back hard but it was three against one and after the first 2 had stopped and run the last one got the brunt of everything they had done to me over the previous months

I always tell my 2 that they need to tell a teacher and give school a chance to sort things out first, after that if the bullying doesn't stop they are free to fight back if they choose too in order to defend themselves

It is certainly not as easy as that. I was definitely not molly-coddled and yet I was verbally bullied at through secondary school, so I couldn't have hit back either.

Whereas when my dd was just over two, she loved to pick on a very passive little friend. I did everything I could to get her to stop. Finally friend's parents insisted she hit back, and it was really only a tap, but that was enough to put a stop to my dd's bullying.

The responses are surprising me tbh. Usually these threads on mn go to the 100s of posters saying that their bullies only stopped when they hit back.

I think there are two things I think of looking at this. One is that every little argument and squabble is now jumped on as bullying so that actual bullying is not taken as seriously or getting the attention it needs.

The other is that we are so good at telling our kids to be good and kind and play nicely that they are terrified to retaliate or talk back when someone is mean to them for fear of getting in trouble. We need to get the message across that it is ok to stand up for themselves in these situations. This is particularly important with the verbal and physiological stuff that goes on with girls.

I think it's a hard balance to strike. DD2 has been having some problems tbh it's hard to get to the bottom of how much is bullying, how much is DD having a bit of a strop at not getting her own way, and how much is her using it to garner a bit of extra attention (sounds awful but there's an element of all those things at play)
I've stopped telling her to do anything, and just listen instead.
I do sometimes wish she'd just tell them to fuck off though.

Thank you all for your replies it's been interesting hearing all the different opinions. I do mollycoddle dc and think I need to drop it down a bit.

Bullying is a vile behaviour. It's systematic and ongoing and some people can be quick to use the term inappropriately after an isolated incident or petty fall out.

Generally children should develop the social skill to deal with most routine issues themselves. They should also know when it's appropriate to seek support from an appropriate adult.

Bullies like an easy target. I was small, uncool, happy enough in my own company and had to take the bus home on my own. Some girls from the year below me made the error of thinking I was an easy target... first they tried comments. I either came out with something deeply witty or intelligent as a put down. I was confident enough not to give a toss about what they thought of me. If I couldn't think of something to say, I'd ignore them, fixing my gaze through them as though they werent there. They found that disconcerting. One day they upped their game, getting me alone at the bus stop, leaning on my deeply uncool, battered sports bag trying to innocuously pull me to the ground. They were looking at each other trying to look innocent rather than paying attention to me. I took advantage and gently unhooked the shoulder strap, letting the bag drop under its own weight and letting the handles drop into my other hand. The girl fell over as I'd hoped, and also got a bonus whack in the nose from the metal buckle as it swung up As she picked herself up, they demanded "what did you do that for?" I said "you deserved it". Fortunately the bus then pulled up and I got on it before they worked out what to do. They never went near me again

I couldn't change the fact that they had a range of victims to pick on. I could make myself an unsatisfying target.

I don't want my children to be violent, but I want them to have the confidence to defend themselves when someone repeatedly refuses their requests to be left to be in peace. They are still young and beginning to squabble. I try to find out the cause of their spats, and tend to be more cross with the one being repeatedly annoying in the first place rather than the one that lashed out in frustration at the behaviour of the first when their requests have been ignored.