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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty and upset about screaming at toddler

30 replies

Chattycat78 · 04/01/2017 17:47

Just that really. I have a just 2 year old and a baby. Got 4 hours sleep last night due to being up with first the baby and then the toddler. Could have cried when I had to get up.

Toddler was shirty all morning. Everything is a fight. Won't eat, won't sit in pram, won't put shoes on. You get the idea. Baby screams a lot too and doesn't like to be put down.

Tried to take toddler to park. He had a meltdown and was asking for cake instead of playing in park. When I tried to put him back in buggy he went crazy kicking, wriggling, refusing. Put up with this for a while but eventually lost it a bit and I hate to say I screamed at him and pinned him to the buggy to put him back.

I felt bad, although my temper is shorter due to lack of sleep I know. Then I thought should I be worried in case someone saw me screaming at him and reports me to social services or something!

I need to make sure I keep my temper with him I know, but I'm finding some days so hard with toddler and baby and no help. Especially on no sleep.

Does anyone Have anything reassuring to say or am I awful?

OP posts:
DesignedForLife · 04/01/2017 17:50

Sit down with a cup of tea and some cake. Stick CBeebies on for toddler.

I have a two year old and a 4 month old and it's damn hard some days. You're fully excused for screaming. Next time just try to take a few deep breaths first.

Rosae · 04/01/2017 17:51

I have yelled at my toddler. They push your buttons. It's them learning but sometimes it is incredibly frustrating and can reduce me to tears. Especially when sleep deprivation is a factor. Big hugs. I feel the guilt too but we're only human.

MLGs · 04/01/2017 17:52

Well yabu in a sense that it clearly wouldn't be anyone's advice, but yanbu because sleep deprivation is a killer and you are clearly doing your best.

Is there anyone who can help you out a bit and give you more rest?

What is the situation with their Dad? Is he with you? Can he take on some of this?

Friends or relatives near by who can give you a break?

cansu · 04/01/2017 17:53

I think everyone has some moments they are not proud of when dealing with kids. Put it behind you and resolve to walk away for a bit next time.

LumelaMme · 04/01/2017 17:54

It's okay. Everyone who has small DC has days like this.

You are exhausted and under a lot of stress. Don't beat yourself up. I know plenty of lovely, well-adjusted adults whose parents sometimes lost it with them when they were little!

HulaHoop12 · 04/01/2017 17:55

I only have one 2 yr old and I find that incredibly hard some days so hats off to you for managing two with no help. The fact you are worrying means you are not awful. Tomorrow is a new day! Flowers

budgiegirl · 04/01/2017 17:56

Many of us have been there. It's not the best parenting, but sometimes they just push you too far. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Original poster
Chattycat78 · 04/01/2017 18:00

Their dad (dh) is great. At work all day though of course. In laws live nearby but no help in the week, although they do sometimes take them both for a few hours at weekend here and there.

Thanks all. Yeah it's tough.

How valid is my worry about social services? People do get reported for shouting at kids don't they? Saying that, park seemed to be empty...

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 04/01/2017 18:04

Take things easy on yourself

You've just had a baby and their life has been turned upside down

Let him walk if he wants to. If he plays up then it's buggy

Let him have a little bit of cake.

Don't force him to eat if he doesn't want to

Don't make him wear shoes. Just means he has to go in the buggy

cocopopsrock · 04/01/2017 18:30

Omg you are def not BU! Cut yourself a bit of slack, my toddler is a little ass hole at times. So damn unreasonable lol! Try to take some time to yourself when they are all in bed. I love nothing more than when DH goes to bed early and I get an hour to myself.. bliss

Mammylamb · 04/01/2017 19:22

Yanbu. Anyone with kids of their own won't judge you if they seen you in the park. It's really not ideal but I imagine every mother may have done this at some point

Mammylamb · 04/01/2017 19:23

WineCakeFlowers. A few things for you Brew

Christmassnake · 04/01/2017 19:26

Rains,attached to a backpack,its like walking a dog,make toddler walk everywhere,till he's begging for the buggy...it tires them out nicely as well ,ready for lunchtime nap...then another walk at night before bed..

Christmassnake · 04/01/2017 19:27

Oh yeah if your a bad mum,needing ss,then so us the rest of us

DesignedForLife · 04/01/2017 19:29

I doubt social services will care if you shout at your kid in the park.

squirrelonapetridish · 04/01/2017 19:31

I have a 2 year old too and some days can be so hard, especially with Pmt as I have today! She is going through a phase of scratching or biting when she doesn't get what she wants which is just horrible. Totally feel for you having a baby to look after too, must be difficult. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job and we all lose it sometimes. Just try and take care of yourself as much as you can. Flowers

MLGs · 04/01/2017 19:53

No need to worry about SS. They have enough on their plate with kids in real danger!

MiniAlphaBravo · 04/01/2017 20:04

Yanbu. I have a 2 year old and am expecting no 2 in 5 weeks and am frankly terrified! It's so exhausting, she says no to everything and it gets hard sometimes. I now think I might be going back to work a lot earlier for a rest hehe

Teddy1970 · 04/01/2017 20:14

We've all been there I'm sure! The fact that you feel a bit guilty says to me that you're a good mum...a crap mum wouldn't give a shit! They do push your buttons though, just put it behind you, tomorrow is another day..

OpalTree · 04/01/2017 20:19

Mine are 12 and 9 and I found them bloody hard work as a baby and toddler. (Dd2 was a much worse sleeper and a far more demanding baby than dd1 had been.) Sympathy and WineBrewCakeFlowers

LastMincePie · 04/01/2017 20:25

Please don't beat yourself up about it. The fact that you even bothered to take them to the park when you are massively sleep deprived says to me that you are a good mum trying your best.

I remember taking my two to the park when they were just two and newborn. We had walked 20 mins to get there and DD1 threw an almighty tantrum the second we arrived and refused to go on anything. She then refused to leave when we needed to go home. Some days you just can't win. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you OP. Flowers

Original poster
Chattycat78 · 04/01/2017 20:29

Thanks everyone Smile. I feel better.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2017 20:30

My GD has just gone through the same stage, it's taken two months for her to get out of it. Meanwhile, they often stayed in and she's had to use television more than she wanted to.

My DD did get shouty, so I helped out a lot more. My GD is now going through the affectionate stage, so no harm done.

Crumbs1 · 04/01/2017 20:32

There are probably an awful lot of children who might be nicer if someone occasionally shouted at them. Not ideal in theory but gives a nice clear message and we've all done it.

bunnylove99 · 04/01/2017 20:35

YANBU OP. Tantrum toddlers and sleep deprivation are a hellish combination. Go easy on yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully you will get a better night sleep tonight.