To feel unsafe when outside alone?

[sniffle12]

Every winter, I hate going from my car to my house in the dark. My street is always deserted and there's a dark ginnel to the side of my house and I have visions of somebody waiting in it or elsewhere nearby. Sometimes I find myself literally running from the car to the house with my key ready in my hand. If I have to walk to get the bus for any reason instead of driving and the route is very quiet, I almost always have to call someone to talk to while I walk or I'm too on edge. I'm absolutely fine being out and about in busy places - but as soon as I'm somewhere with no other people - or worse, one other person - I'm on edge.

I know the chance of anything happening is probably million to one slim, but then on the other hand, every so often I will see in the paper that a woman has been randomly attacked. It happens.

I know this probably isn't normal adult behaviour and I need to relax but at the back of my mind it's just sensible measures for self-protection (even if it isn't). How can I convince myself to relax a bit?

I'm not sure OP is getting great advice here. Of course the risk is not zero, but the fear of something happening is apparently affecting her behaviour disproportionately. If the OP had said her fear was of a plane crash which prevented her from flying, it would be wrong to talk about real plane crashes.

OP, I think you should seek medical advice in case you are developing a phobia. You should certainly take sensible precautions at night, but please don't let the fear of a statistically unlikely event dominate your thinking and behaviour.

As others have said don't be afraid to protect yourself! I carry a rape alarm and if I'm particularly feeling vulnerable sometimes even a pocket knife in drastic situations.

I don't think carrying a knife is a good idea. Generally carrying weapons you aren't trained in isn't recommended because its more likely a attacker could overpower you and use your own weapon against you.

I don't think carrying a knife is a good idea. Generally carrying weapons you aren't trained in isn't recommended because its more likely a attacker could overpower you and use your own weapon against you.

It's also illegal.

In the UK it's illegal carry a knife without good reason - and 'I am scared of being attacked' wouldn't be considered a good reason (being a chef travelling from one job to another would be a good reason, or a gardener who carried a pruning knife in his toolkit).

You can carry a folding pen-knife, like a Swiss Army Knife, but it has to fold and the blade has to be very small - and obviously that would be completely pointless for self-defence.

So no, absolutely do not carry knives around with you.

I do think this fear sounds like more than ordinary nervousness about personal safety. I think most women feel a bit twitchy if they're alone after dark in particular areas that feel isolated or unsafe, but I think needing to phone someone whenever you walk anywhere that's not busy is probably a bit extreme and sounds like a broader anxiety/phobia issue. Cognitive therapy might help you - it's very good for helping you to be more rational and proportionate about risk, and it helped me a lot when I had disproportionate anxieties about something quite similar (except in my case I was terrified that my partner, rather than me, would be attacked).

I'd definitely fit a light in the ginnel - or on the front of your house so its less dark. Just for helping me not to trip over things if it was me! I used to have one that came on when it got dark and stayed on.

But to be quite so worried does seem a bit OTT.

It may be a phobia, but I personally think self-defense classes would be good for this type of phobia.

Just like learning how to be around dogs and deal with aggressive dogs would help someone with a dog phobia.

Depends where you are. My area is pretty dodgy but luckily we live right next to the bus stop, so I always make sure I get my key out whilst on the bus so I can dash straight in. If we have a single friend round and they have to wait in the dark for the bus DP or I wait with them. I think a healthy dose of caution is good but there's no point in panicking as long as you are being sensible.

I could not walk to the end of my back garden alone at night. It's about 120 ft long, surrounded by neighbours but not overlooked as such.
I am a scaredy cat
I think the OP should put a sensor light at the front/side of her house.

I agree with pp that self defense classes are a very good idea, my mother had extreme anxiety about the dark and being attacked (she was on medication for the anxiety) and self defense classes really helped her, massively lowered her anxiety and helped her self confidence. It also helped her to be better at reading situations and body language.

I also agree with TheDropBear that you should never carry a weapon that you don't know how to use and that you aren't certain can't be turned against you by an attacker. I don't think it's legal to carry any weapons in the UK is it? Not sure as we have lived in North America for a long time now.

When we lived in a rougher area I would sometimes wear a baggy male/unisex hoodie with the head pulled up and hunch over with in pockets to disguise my female build and imitate a teenage lad from a passing glance. Worked well enough - startled a couple of women in alleyways.