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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunken "D"P putting pans on the stove then falling asleep

26 replies

IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 11:10

Am I being unreasonable to be VERY VERY angry about this?

He works in a restaurant and frequently comes home very late (ie after a few beers).

Last night he came in at 3.30am.

I got up as on previous occassions he has put a pan on the stove or something in the oven and then fallen asleep.

Right enough he had a pan of rice pudding (?) on the stove, while I was talking to him DS woke up so I went off to settle him. 10 mins later DS is still awake but I can hear "D"P snoring.

He has fallen asleep with the pan on the stove.

He cannot understand why I am so angry - as far as I am concerned he is risking my DS and my life.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 21/02/2007 11:13

Not being unreasonable. Having worked in a restaurant for a lot of my adult life I think he should be encouraged to come home after just one or two drinks as the binge drinking after work is very difficult to avoid.

charlieq · 21/02/2007 11:14

not at all!
he needs to sort it out before the house burns down.

ohsmellyjelly · 21/02/2007 11:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 11:17

Thanks guys

Sadly there are other issues as well but this one to me is completely unacceptable.

He does not seem to grasp the seriousness of it - even tried to deny being asleep

The drinking after work is a big issue as well (I spent many years working in bars and restaurants so know what it is like) as he often comes home wasted in the early hours and then won;t get out of bed to look after DS when I have to go to work.

am having a v hard time at the moment

OP posts:
ohsmellyjelly · 21/02/2007 11:19

Message withdrawn

ohsmellyjelly · 21/02/2007 11:19

Message withdrawn

FioFio · 21/02/2007 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Carmenere · 21/02/2007 11:22

Oh dear IDOC, you know people can come straight home after work, it is possible. It is irrisponsible of him to get so wasted that he is either risking his families lives or not being capable of looking after his dc.
Does he have a drink problem, lots of catering people do?

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 11:22

Yes we do have a smoke alarm and I do sometimes wonder if that is what it will take to make him realise what he is doing.

Things are really pretty bad between us but could not believe when he did that again - it was less than 2 weeks since the last time he did it, at least this time he woke up - last time the pan had boiled dry and he did not wake up when I slapped him accross the face as was so drunk

Sound even worse when I see it written in black and white - what am I doing?

OP posts:
charlieq · 21/02/2007 11:23

I hate the drinking thing too

Dh is a lawyer but there are similar-sounding pressures to bond with the Lads/clients.

He will come home at 2/3 am, stagger around, sometimes wakes up DS. He is banned to the spare room on those nights!

Last Saturday I woke up to find them both comatose in front of Power Rangers or somesuch ghastly cartoon. (I am 34 weeks pg so in a coma in the morning atm so I didn't hear either of them get up). Then dh went back to bed until 1pm!! & the house smelt like a flippin' brewery.

Don't understand why men think they are entitled to do this while they have a family. It's like they think it's a Man's Right to get totally trashed 'with work' and then inflict the chaos on everyone else at home...

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 11:23

I have mentioned to him on numerous occasions that I think he has a drink problem but once again I am being unreasonable!

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 21/02/2007 11:23

I used to work as a local newspaper reporter and believe me, whenever I visited a burnt down house it was 90% certainty that they'd put a pan on and fallen asleep

I saw loads of them

charlieq · 21/02/2007 11:25

Clooney, I get told (by other men, and dh) that I am unreasonable to expect him not to binge drink, because he is generally 'such a good dad' and cooks etc.

But how is binge drinking helping him or us? It's wrecking his health and often our weekends imho...

twinklingstar · 21/02/2007 11:27

IdreamofClooney - agree there is a serious fire risk which cannot be ignored.

Difficult to stop regular after work binge, but the situation needs addressing!

Don't know what to suggest other than trying to talk sense into him at a calm, sober time; make sure you have smoke alarms upstairs and down and check the batteries; and tell him to microwave any after work snacks!

Cappuccino · 21/02/2007 11:28

put a lock on the pan cupboard

put the key under your pillow

just like you'd do with a childlock

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 11:29

charlieq - totally agree.

Binge drinking is not big or clever - I am no angel and like a drink myself but my first priority is my ds and as far as I am concerned I cannot get drunk when I am looking after him so I jut don't do it!

"D"P drinks everyday and has to be begged to get out of bed EVERY morning. I have to go in and shout at least 5 times as I have to wake him before I go to work so look after DS. At the weekends I don't even bother - I just get out of the flat with DS as do not have the energy to beg him to get up 7 days a week.

As you say he looks after DS and cooks so is therefore "super dad"...

OP posts:
charlieq · 21/02/2007 11:52

Clooney it's awful... you start to feel like a nagging fishwife for mentioning it all the time. But I get really concerned about long term risks to his health too.

Does your dh have that puffy look? mine does.

ginnedupmummy · 21/02/2007 12:01

Message withdrawn

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 12:03

No he just has that rough look!

I too worry about long term health risks - it is constantly in the papers and is pretty serious - liver damage etc. He also smokes so is in fact a picture of health......

OP posts:
charlieq · 21/02/2007 12:08

heh heh clooney my dh 'doesn't smoke'

yeah right.

The smell, the cough...it's PASSIVE smoking of course.

Carmenere · 21/02/2007 12:14

I actually know a bloke who burned his parents house down by doing this very thing.

ChicPea · 21/02/2007 12:15

If there is only one thing you do today I recommend you get 2 smoke alarms, one for the kitchen and one for the hall so if you don't wake up and find something cooking while he sleeps the smoke alarm will. Essential.

FireFaerie · 21/02/2007 12:41

This is quite scary.. so maybe you can point out how easy it is to set fire to the house.. for instance i made an obvious mistake only a couple of weeks ago.

I was putting a mini pizza under the grill for lunch when the door went, so i went to answer the door to a friend who had arrived a little earlier than expected to stay the night. I took her upstairs to show her the room she'd be sleeping in, was only out of the kitchen 5 minutes when i returned the whole oven was on fire. DP had hidden a layer of fat in the bottom of the grill tray with tin foil.. or so the firemen told me after they had blocked off my road with 2 fire engines, flooded my kitchen and i was then late to pick my DS up from school. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life, and have learnt my lesson!!!

This was sober, so god only knows how bad it could of been under the influence of drink when my perseption of time would of been less accurate, and we could of ended up being trapped on the upper floors!!! (not to mention the cost of replacing the oven, the fridge that was close by, and repainting the kitchen. YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!!!

Bugsy2 · 21/02/2007 12:52

You've told him it is dangerous & he is not taking any notice. I wouldn't bother talking any more.
Get a fire alarm & stick it right next to the cooker. Could you unplug the cooker? Take the fuse out or in some way disable it? Or hide all the saucepans in a box outside before he gets home.
Don't waste your breath & turn into a nag. Take some action!

Original poster
IdreamofClooney · 21/02/2007 14:16

I am glad to hear a resounding "no you are not being unreasonable"

I am concerned for my son and my own safety.

We do have a smoke alarm in the hall (we live in a tiny flat so the one smoke alarm covers the whole flat as it is only about 20ft by 15ft in total)

I personally would have thought that after he had done it once it would give him a fright and he would not do it again. Poor you FireFaerie - that must have been awful! That is exactly what I fear will happen very soon. We are three flights up and I do worry about how on earth we would get out in event of a fire not to mention the damage it would cause to my (note not our) flat!

I am at my wits end with him I really am. 90% feels my son and I would be better off living apart from him as he is so unreasonable.

Thanks a lot to everyone who posted I really appreciated the support!

OP posts:
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