To twitch with rage at this? I think I might BU.

[ScreechingWeasel]

It's a MIL one. Generally she grates on me but we plod along. I try to be nice but I've always slighted her in some magical way and she's in tears on the phone about it.

The thing is everytime I see her with DD she does something that infuriates me but I'm not sure why. At mealtimes DD is happily eating in her high chair and no matter what it is she'll keep wandering past and say "Nanny have some!" and help herself to whatever is on the tray.

I twitch. I don't know why it bothers me so much. She does it over and over. Argh.

So would I BU to start saying something? I don't want to start an argument over it but seriously, stop eating my daughter's meals!

As annoying as it may be, she's just trying to be close to your child, in that sharing food is often an intimate thing to do. She loves your baby like she loves her grown up baby - it's this desire to be close which is so irritating to DILs, I suspect.

My MIL never bothered me like this - my mother, on the other hand, drove me scatty with her smarmy smirks and smugness when mine were babies.

I wouldn't like anyone to do it!

It's not about encouraging her to eat. DD will polish off whatever is in front of her without encouragement.

It just seems very rude to me.

Oh...
My grandmother and my mum (and mil) used to say and do this with mine! But not actually eat the food, just pretend! Well mostly, sometimes the kids used to actually offer...
It was just a 'fun' thing.
I think you are a bit unreasonable about it..."twitch with rage"..

Screeching, your dc clearly enjoys their food.

Exmil used to do this and ds ended up with a real complex over people taking his food.

It is only a bonding and sharing experience if everyone is sharing food. Mil is not sharing, she's taking.

Yes, I wouldn't like it either but it's minor in comparison to seeing her three times a week. That's an awful lot. It's probably annoying you more than normal because you see each other so often.

It used to annoy me severely when we went out with DS. He invariably wanted chips with whatever he had, and without fail one particular friend or my mother would pinch some.

I finally got really mad and told them it was totally disrespectful towards DS to steal his food. Just because he was small did not mean they were entitled to eat what was his.

Stopped my mother. My'friend' thought I was being precious and we had an argument about it.

I think you need to unclench.

Can you take a bit off MIL's plate every meal time?

If she asks what the bloody hell you're doing, point out that's exactly what she does to DD and you assumed it was a free for all.

I understand the twitching with rage actually. My partners family do this to our 3yo, to wind her up, because they find it funny. 'Is that for granny' 'give me soooome'. It annoys my daughter now, and results in her either getting shy or angry.... I tell them it confuses her, she doesn't get why her strawberries are in peril. They don't stop. I find it annoying too...

Could you say "dd has started to try to pinch food of others plates and I'm trying to discharge it. Please don't take food from her plate"

Tell her if she's hungry she can grab a banana.

If your DD actually eats all her food (hard stare at my own children) then it's wrong as MIL is reducing the amount of food she hasn't available to eat. I would have to do or say something - an extra bowl sounds good, that you can use to intercept her hand every time with a "mummy made nanny her own snacks so she doesn't take yours" or some such.

Although I have to say I'm shocked at the suggestions you smack her hand away. That would be awful behaviour and a terrible example to your DD.

To all those that are saying it wouldn't bother them the OP has said it annoys DD, would you all be so dismissive of something that annoyed or upset your own DCs? Probably not.

Screeching, your DD your rules, end of. Never mind if MIL says 'but it's only blah,blah,blah' - you don't like it, DD doesn't like it. Confused's advice is perfect saying, nicely but firmly, that you'd prefer her not to do it as when DD gets older you don't want her to think it's OK to take food from other people's plates. I wouldn't add the 'without asking' as MIL might then have one of those 'Nana convos' with DD where she does the questions and answers and 'gives' herself permission to do it on DD's behalf. And just repeat it until she gets the message.

It does highlight the need to act on instinct rather than stand on ceremony so that things like that don't become something that MIL/DM or whoever 'just does' whilst we grind our teeth in frustration.

Ugh my MIL does something similar. She sits right opposite my DS, right up close to his face and does the nom nom bleugh noises. It doesn't bother DS he's only 10 months, but it makes me cringe so hard. Can't wait till she gets a handful of mashed up something in her face one day.

I don't think you should slap her hand away, and one PP suggested, as your DD may pick up the behaviour!
But i think you should explain to DMIL that you want DD to understand that she cannot take other people's food, only what is on her plate (if she goes tonursery, or later playgroups, she will need to learnthis!). So obviously you need her (MIL) to stop taking DDs food, as that would give her a very confusing message. Hopefully this will make her understand without feeling that you are just being stroppy - and it happens to be a good reason also ;-).