Bright red vomit, pale grey armchair

[GilMartin]

It would appear the new year celebrations have proved a bit too much for my wife and she's projectile vomited across the flat. I've got her to bed with a sickbucket and a glass of water (and made sure she's on her side) and I'm desperately trying to get the bright red(curry) sick off a pale grey armchair? Is there anything that will shift it? Antibacterial spray seems to be spreading the stain out. Apologies for my cluelessness, it has been the best part of 20 years since I had to deal with a house plastered in sick! Makes me feel quite young again!

Keeping the vanish wet on the sofa arm will aid matters, so damp cloth left on top - heat also helps (not too hot) I put vanish liquid on a stain, fairly damp tea towel and a luke warm hot water bottle and my beige sofa was beige again fairly soon.

Zoflora - cup full in with anything you can wash, death to sick germs. Also in a spray bottle as a freshner on the spuke sofa.

Good luck!

Oh bless her! It doesn't sound at all jaunty. Quite Olympian in fact.

Last time I recall partaking in Hogmanay hurling was after a bout of illness and I had several pints after a single bowl of tomato and lentil soup.

Much weeping and wailing of spoiling New Year.

*"a jaunty throw" ?

Isn't that what caused the problem in the first place?*

I'm not a fan of the old 'this made me snort tea out of my nose' to let someone they made you laugh but this is hilarious.

Oh and I hope your wife feels better Gil.

How the hell did the sick end up in her socks?! thanks for the giggle

Get some Zoflora on it
is that a margarine?

brilliant!!

You sound like a fantastic husband OP

Hope your wife feels a bit better later

No salt, it does fix stains, you use it when you dye clothes to fix the dye. I am not sure what to use though.

I haven't a clue how it ended up in her socks, but I keep finding fresh (actually far from fresh) patches.

You sound like a fantastic husband not really, I'm sure there's loads of women who are doing the same fretting and cleaning after errant menfolk who had a skin full last night. I'm probably getting a concentrated dose of wife work. (Plus the peace and quiet has been enjoyable)

I am loving the phrase " chunder treasure hunt ". I went on one of those when the cat was poorly.

Keep up the good work. Don't forget to lay in the supplies of salt and vinegar crisps and fizzy coke for later ( or whatever works for a hangover in your house )

Iron Bru and potato scone on a roll. It is the magic bullet for hungover Scots.

I'm sure there are but you are proving that men can be responsible carers too which is only good among people who claim men can't do anything

If i was tikka in the curry you're probably fucked when it comes to the chair unless you get a professional in with an upholstery cleaner 😂

Lucky wife. Not for the hangover mind. You sound lovely. My DP got very pissed last night and was sick right outside the front door and I was mad enough about that 😂

I think it was a chicken passander or a bhuna (based on my forensic examination of the remnants) so we might be okay

Petition for OP to come back more often and write more threads, about anything, because he has such a lovely, genuine writing style and impeccable comedic timing that I find myself wanting to read more and more lol!!!

Chunder treasure hunt

Pmsl

I thought I was going to have this problem. DH has just gone down with a hideous bug that I had over Christmas. Unfortunately he had a lovely curry before realising the symptoms were starting. I was dreading him blundering round in a daze puking. Fortunately he seems to be sleeping it off. Fortunately

He DIDNT drink last night! And I stuck to vodka and lemonade - easy to clean up in case I hadn't fully recovered!

Hope you find all the puke soon OP and thanks for making me giggle.

Oh a bhuna....always luminous red in my experience. Wishing you luck with the stain removal.

Lolling at margarine and jaunty throw!

Blimey mother clear fluids only that's a good idea. Next new year it will vodka and lemonade and wonton soup all round! Hope your husband is better now.

He's on the mend thanks.

Learned my lessons on the clear fluids following the incident of The Bottle of Cheap Red Wine and the Cream Carpet.

I lived in Scotland for a while and can verify the restorative powers of irn bru and potato scone. I'm really craving that now. But it's a bit far to drive.

I should say Cheap Red Wine and Expensive Cream Carpet ...

In the house of a friend of a friend.

Oops

Ouch. That must have been awkward.

She's now woken up with the ghostly pallur of a Victorian consumptive and with no memory of anything last night other than a disappointing lack of chickpeas in her curry (just as well every plughole in the flat would have been bunged up) and drinking some shots the colour of imodium. She declined all offers of food: things must be bad.

so much about this made me snigger in a rather unladylike fashion. GilMartin I'm sending DP to you for husband training before we get married before my hen do

As someone who was sick last night (not alcohol induced, have the Royal cold ) and who has fallen over and cut their leg open today I would like to request the OP comes and looks after me please.

Be warned I am a dreadful cook so I'd probably add food poisoning to your woes. But get well soon all the same.

Chundering treasure hunt

Hope your wife feels better soon, I feel her pain (and yours).