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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Terrified of future pregnancies

12 replies

user1481795553 · 31/12/2016 21:27

6 months ago my DS was born 7 weeks early, weighing 2lb 15oz. This is because I had very severe late on set pre eclampsia, uncontrollable with medications. The fact of the matter is both me and DS nearly died, very touch and go. After the emergency surgery I wasn't able to see my son for over a day and when I did I was disconnected from him. This was due to emotionally shutting down because of recent events. I've been told I have a 40% chance of this happening again and I'm terrified. There are other things that happened but it's too much to write down. I want another baby in the future but thinking about last time starts panic attacks, so my question is aibu to feel like this

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 31/12/2016 21:29

Not at all. I nearly died in labour and ive a coil and no intention of having another. But he was my second. I dont have a longing for a third.

I was offered counselling. repeatedly actually! Or just to come and look over the notes with the head of midwifery who would answer qestions etc. have you been offered that?

Crazycatladyloz82 · 31/12/2016 21:35

I had a horrific time with DD who arrived more than a month early. Pre eclampsia, hellp syndrome, I was unconscious by the time she was delivered and I almost died. I had ptsd and struggled to bond with DD and begged DH to put her up for adoption as I was so broken. I was adamant I never wanted another. DD is almost 2 and we will start trying at some point next year even though the same might happen to me again. It will get better. Cry to people you trust, get counselling and don't and I repeat don't feel guilty for how you feel. You went through a lot, you need time and help.

Original poster

user1481795553 · 31/12/2016 21:40

Yeah, I was debriefed about what happened and offered to talk to a nurse about it but at the time I was so focused on getting Ds home I didn't realise I was struggling and refused it. My dh is the most supportive person in the world and is my crutch at the moment, but it can't continue, it's not fair on him. My problem is my body rejects birth control and while a new baby would be so loved and wanted, I've been told that I'm considered super high risk now.

OP posts:

Starsandcars9 · 31/12/2016 21:46

Your baby is only 6 months. Give yourself time abd space to deal with what happened. You need to let your body and mind recover before you can get pregnant again. A major trauma like you experienced can take a yeAr or so to get over. Get some counselling and see if that helps. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. It is something you can conquer though with a bit of help.

Original poster

user1481795553 · 31/12/2016 22:00

I don't feel guilty about what happened and we don't want another baby for about 5 years tbh.
I do however think I might have ptsd, I'm a shell of my former self and very familiar with it due to my veteran brother. Got an appointment to see my Dr in the new year to discuss it. He is familiar with my ds as ge is the only gp in the area able to deal with him and so knows the entire back story

OP posts:

Afternoondelights · 31/12/2016 22:02

I also had pre-eclampsia with my last baby, was told by the cardiologist not to have any more babies. I'm still on BP medication and have to get regular checkups, ct scans, etc. When ds was about two I realised I was taking it all out in him, and our relationship was going to be awful if I didn't change things. I went for counselling, it helped me come to terms with everything that had happened and helped me let go of the guilt. You're not alone op and you will get through this but you need the right help and support.

ConvincingLiar · 31/12/2016 22:23

If babies aren't in your plan for a long time whatever, put it out of your (mind. Focus on you for now. I think I read that although the risk of reoccurrence of pre-eclampsia is high, it tends not to be so bad 2nd time around. I had HELLP and it hasn't put me off, although does mean I want an ELCS.)

I'm glad you're going to see your GP. If your family budget can stretch to it, I'd consider paying privately for therapy if NHS provision isn't enough/takes too long. I've heard good things about EMDR for PTSD.

FittonTower · 31/12/2016 22:32

I was diagnosed with PTSD after a traumatic emcs that left me with massive blood loss and then I developed Sepsis and was very close to death. I struggled with flash-backs and nightmares and had a tough time. I had treatment last year and, while I still struggle to think too much about that time I'm much much better.
Please get some help, it was the best thing I ever did and really improved my quality of life.
I'm not planing another but the thought of pregnancy doesn't make me cry any more!

DailyFail1 · 31/12/2016 22:41

My sil had to write a will in hospital, her pre-eclampsia so bad (had fits, proteria, bp was so high she was on stroke watch). She like you was given a 40 per cent recurrence statistic but was told by doctors that the severity & her family history suggests it's almost certain she'll incur similar complications if she got pregnant again. Baby was 2ib when born, stopped breathing several times, and at 16 months his lung function is still nowhere near what it should be. I personally would be horrified if sil was even thinking of having another baby - sometimes it's not ptsd to be overcome, but a valid reason not to put yourself in that situation again.

Original poster

user1481795553 · 01/01/2017 10:48

Thank you for all the kind messages, it great to hear other peoples stories that are similar to mine.
On reflection I agree I need to seek some counciling to help me but not speaking to hv about it, since she thinks everything is pnd
Fortunately both me and ds are relatively fine(has an issue with a gag reflex that stops him breathing - but we are experts at getting him going again). Like many of you mentioned it's a hurdle I need to get over but I take joy in my family.

OP posts:

MsHooliesCardigan · 01/01/2017 11:16

OP, have you contacted the Birth Trauma Association? I work in perinatal psychiatry and we see a lot of women like you - there aren't teams in every area but, if you have one, ask your GP for a referral. I'm sorry for what you went through.

grannytomine · 01/01/2017 11:30

It is early days, if I was your mum I would be telling you to enjoy this time with baby, try counselling it works for some and you won't know if you don't try. Lots will happen in the next five years and who knows how you will feel then? The good thing is they will monitor you very carefully if you do get pregnant again so hopefully that will help.

Finally I have 4, no pregnancy was the same and the births were all very different from the venues high tech hospital, home delivery and small local hospital, to the event itself one was totally painless one was a nasty forceps one was an emergency c.section the other was just fairly average bit of pain lots of pushing. I've had my waters broken, been on a drip, had retained products and one born when they couldn't break my waters. High blood pressure with one, gestational diabetes with another. My doctor suggested I write a book as I covered most scenarios. What I am trying to say is it could be very different next time or of course it could be the same.

Whatever you decide I hope you get lots of support and continue to enjoy your baby.

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