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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if I'm the only one who has done this

49 replies

cherrycrumblecustard · 30/12/2016 21:30

Was looking through some photos of when DS was born, so nearly ten years ago ()

I thought I was enormous and ugly.

I look at them and feel so sad, as actually I look young and pretty and healthy.

What a shame I didn't see it at the time. I wonder if I'll feel the same about photos taken of me now!

OP posts:

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 30/12/2016 22:28

I never felt comfortable in my skin during my teen years, felt I was gangly and spent much of my life covered up.
I do keep explaining to my teenage ds that I do actually remember being a teenager and how hard it is to work out who you are.

Looking at me in my 20's I wish I had that body (less creaky and slimmer) but with the confidence and experiences I have now.

Obviously keep the tits I have now.

ProppedUp · 30/12/2016 22:30

I did throughout my teens and early 20s. Then I had 2 DCs in early/mid 20s and got fat and acne I looked back and saw the huge difference.

Good thing is it helped remind me that I'm still young (late 20s now) and so I have lost weight, take much better care of my skin, and dress slightly more 'mature' than I did but these are more flattering and suitable clothes for me. I actually feel quite good about myself now and get compliments, even though I'm clearly not my teen self. And I still have weight to lose!

I'm sticking to the feeling too that I'm still going to be young late 30s, and 40s, and 50s... and so on. One, because I will still be young, and two, because I am trying to teach myself that getting older doesn't mean anything bad for me.

No idea if that makes sense but yes, I've done the same!

BakeOffBiscuits · 30/12/2016 22:30

Ive told my dds form a very young age that they are so beautiful and when teenagers if they ever complain about a spot or being "too big" to wear something etc I remind them that youth is wasted on the young.

I thought I was fat when I got married, so wore a lose fitted dress. I was 7 and a half stone.

BakeOffBiscuits · 30/12/2016 22:32

Can I add that I'm 51 and this does continue. When I was coming up to 40 I thought I was really saggy. I look back at photos and I look so young!

When I see a line or wrinkle I remind myself that it will get worse, so enjoy my face now!

OopsDearyMe · 30/12/2016 22:33

I went through school believing I was enormous and ugly , then a few years ago a friend from back then posted some pictures she had and I was amazed and solo sad at how pretty and amazingly sweet I looked. I felt quite cross actually because my mum and GP at that time both made me believe I was fat. When clearly I had no problem whatsoever. I was a size 14 because I have curves and I remember my boyishly figured best pal was the most popular girl in school and she was a 10 so I took that to mean I must be an elephant. Oh how I wish I could go back and make her realise.

RubyRoseViolet · 30/12/2016 22:33

Dd went through my illness with me Love5 and believe me all SHE wanted was a healthy mum again too. Don't get me wrong I love to dress up,experiment with different looks and Dd does too. I'm just at pains to emphasise to her that yes, it's fun to wear make up, dress up, change and dye your hair if you like but that is not the most important thing. I am and she is already fine as she is.

1980sChick · 30/12/2016 22:35

on a holiday in florida 13 years ago with my 2 friends, I was convinced I was huge as I was larger than the 2 of them, 1 was a size 10, 1 was a 12. I was a 12/14. I have broad shoulders and large boobs which makes me larger than i actually am.

I have a photo of me and dp on that holiday, chiselled chin, slim legs in a skirt with a fab tan, glossy hair. its hanging in our hall. I wish id appreciated it all a lot more, rather than sit away feeling fat as much as I did!

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 22:38

I thought I was chubby in my student years. Recently I saw a photo of myself back then and if I saw a girl that size in the street I would think she was a lovely petite little hourglass. I really, really wish I could go back and tell myself that I looked awesome. I'm four sizes bigger than that now... :-/

mummydawn07 · 30/12/2016 22:40

totally get you, what I would give to look like I did 10 years ago and have the figure I did, I have to say my self esteem and body confidence pretty much non existent these days

MagicChicken · 30/12/2016 22:42

Yes, I do this all the time! It was looking at some photos recently of when my DS was three and I was about 31 and I looked flipping gorgeous and so slim. I had NO IDEA at the time. Thought I was fat and plain then just as I have always done.

SilkThreads · 30/12/2016 22:47

I recently had contact again with a man I worked with nearly 30 years ago when I was 20. He told me that men would come into the offices and literally walk into door frames staring at me as I was so stunning.

I remember feeling fat, stupid, clumsy, socially gauche.

I look back at the few pics I submitted to and I may have been clumsy and gauche etc but I was really stunning.

What a pity cos I'm not now.

I know, because I sent him a pic and he decided, having wooed me by email, that he would now rather be 'just friends'

SilkThreads · 30/12/2016 22:50

My ds is now 12. He is going through puberty hell - greasy hair, self conscious, spots etc.

I make sure to remind him that he is beautiful and I tell my dd the same.

I remind them that ALL young people are beautiful, by definition.
When you get older the beauty comes from the lines of character on your face which tell of a life rich in experiences.

He looks at me like this

TrustySnail · 30/12/2016 22:51

I know, because I sent him a pic and he decided, having wooed me by email, that he would now rather be 'just friends'

On the other hand, he might think he has aged much more than you have and feel too embarrassed to meet you face to face .

RubyRoseViolet · 30/12/2016 22:53

Absolutely SilkThreads!! I honestly do think it helps if they hear positive messages all the time.

SilkThreads · 30/12/2016 22:56

Trusty Ha! that's a nice thought.
No, he sent a pic of him very early on.
Also, apparently, he has a history of online 'relationships' with 'girls 30 years younger than him'.
The funny thing is, he is 68 and looks like a less attractive version of Bernie Ecclestein / Rupert Murdoch. Only without the personality or the money.
Trying to see the funny side but just sounding bitter and bitchy I fear...

YoScienceBitch · 30/12/2016 22:56

Yep! I've always thought I was massive because I grew up with my mother always telling me how fat I was. I look back at pictures now of me as a teenager, a lovely hourglass size 8 and remember how much I hated myself and always wore big baggy clothes. Now I'm a size 12-14 and am aiming to be a size 8 again next year.

Original poster

cherrycrumblecustard · 30/12/2016 22:58

I hope my daughter doesn't feel like I used to, ever, hope she sees she is beautiful.

OP posts:

SilkThreads · 30/12/2016 23:01

sorry, it's not funny that he is 68, of course not, just that he is 18 years older and was never 'good looking' anyway. I never cared, I loved HIM but clearly he does. Ah, well.

Sorry, as you were.

Isn't it sad that we all felt so horrible about ourselves when we can now see we were perfectly nice looking young people?

throwingpebbles · 30/12/2016 23:01

Can definitely relate. I hated photos of myself but now when I look back at them I see what others saw.

I really hate photos of myself now, but I let people take them as I want my children to have photos with me in. There are so few of m

amammabear · 30/12/2016 23:07

I do that all the time. I can't believe I used to think I was fat, I really wasn't. Now I am.

Bluntness100 · 30/12/2016 23:13

I guess I knew I was not ugly, I was never short of guys asking me out, but I didn't really realise I was attractive or pretty if that makes sense until I got much much older. I just never gave it any thought.

I do know it now, because I have been told it so much over the years by men and woman alike, but I think i look better now than I did then, I think it's the confidence of age and I have the knowledge, time and money to make the best of myself. But mostly I think it's a confidence thing.

TrustySnail · 30/12/2016 23:23

SilkThreads

Well, he doesn't sound like much of a loss. I suppose one positive of losing your youthful looks is that it sorts out the shallow idiots from the people who are genuinely interested in you as a person.

Notcontent · 30/12/2016 23:35

Yes, I think we all do. It's hard to be objective, particularly when we have other stuff going on in our lives.

My husband left me with a small baby when I was in my early 30s. I felt so old and ugly. I look at photos from that time and see a pretty young girl. But my self confidence was completely shattered.

Pixel · 31/12/2016 22:33

Had to renew my driving licence this year. When I got the old one out of the drawer to send back (haven't needed to look at it in years) it was a bit of an eye-opener and not in a nice way. I didn't think I looked too bad for 50 but it was a shock to see how much I've aged since the previous photo was taken. Yet I remember hating that photo, and thinking my skin looked awful when it was actually perfectly fine - and wrinkle free!

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