To think I've not achieved very much

[cherrycrumblecustard]

and wish I was 10/15 years younger. Sorry having a new year mope. But I do feel like I've done nothing. Like I am wasting time / space, aimless I suppose! Can anyone identify?

thankyou thisis

It sounds more like your bone tired - are you physically ok with sleep and vitamins like b12?

I know it sounds stupid but lately I feel pretty old. I think I miss feeling like I used to. Can't explain it!

Doesn't sound stupid at all. I feel exactly the same. I somehow feel I'm missing out when people post pics of days out or dinner parties or nights out etc yet on the odd occasion I do go out of wish I was home in my jammies with a glass of wine instead.

My town isn't the best fir going out in I guess though. Plenty of places to go but usually full of all the same old faces so not even as of you stand to really meet a new friend or anything.

Where others see inspiration and motivation I usually just see a way of setting myself up to fail...

I identify OP

Can't drive - would (sort of) like to in that the freedom it gives. However in the position where: can't afford the lessons, wouldn't be able to afford a (decent) car, insurance or tax and general up-keep of it.

I feel stuck in a rut too but like the idea of setting myself small and easily manageable targets

I think I used to find things interesting, even just going to Asda. I know. Now it's all a chore. I used to like walking and exploring and now I feel not scared exactly but paranoid. I still like it in the dark but I don't get to do that much.

I'm 30. I feel like this. I feel like my 20's flew past with no career, no real travel. Not much fun really. Only 2 good things were I got married and had my child.

I got to 30 and took a good long hard look at what I wanted out of my life and what I wanted to do with it.
Now I am going after that dream job with every thing I have, doing everything I can possibly do to achieve it.

Have a good think what your wanting from your life and act on it. Anything is possible if you dream and believe and try hard.

I left school with no qualifications, had my first child at 19, 2nd eight years later and at 35 was a single mum working a horrible minimum wage job I hated, didn't drive, was massively overweight, lonely and really fed up of myself. I felt hopeless and had zero self esteem.
Five years on and I'm almost finished an OU degree, changed jobs and have had 2 promotions and now have a career in a sector I love, have completed several work based qualifications, learned to drive and passed first time! I'm just about to hit 40, my youngest is now at secondary and I have much more time for me now, so this year I'm focussing on the weight, having our first holiday abroad and getting out more for myself and hopefully improving my social life.
Honestly, you are not too old to achieve the things you want to. It doesn't happen overnight, in fact until I wrote this I was feeling a bit down about myself again... it's reminded me what we can do to change. Decide one thing you want to do and make steps towards it. Good luck!

I like this quote "to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, that is success"

There are some really inspiring stories on here from people like trinia, which go to show it is possible to turn things around. I think the key things to remember are- small steps: it's no good having some huge dream which seems unattainable, you need to break it down into little steps. The idea of writing these down is good too.
Also, hold onto the fact that remaining with the status quo is almost always easier in the short term. Even if the status quo is a bit boring, or even unpleasant, it's familiar. It's harder to take a step out of your comfort zone, and incredibly easy to find reasons not to.
Personally I think we all tend to reflect as we get older on what we have/haven't achieved, and it's not a bad thing, it's what inspires us to make the most of our lives. It helps to hear from people who've taken steps to make their life more fulfilling (as in some of the examples above) particularly when they're coming from a starting point of disadvantage

cherry I know exactly what you are talking about. Early 40s, no job, marriage going through a bit of a dodgy patch, no interest in everyday stuff (or no time/opportunity to do the more interesting bits) and no motivation to make big changes (largely due to the time/opportunity problem). I saw a thread on 52 small changes earlier (I think that was the name of the book), and downloaded it on kindle for 99p. I'm going to have a go at that, hopefully it will lead to making bigger changes through the year. Do you fancy starting a mutual cheerleading/ideas/motivation group for the year?

Yes, as already mentioned - be as specific as you can about what you want to do. Then start with identifying and putting in place the basics to set you on the path. Fail to plan is plan to fail . Keep checking you're still moving in the right direction, adapt your plan, timeline and next steps as/when necessary. Your rules. Once you're actively working towards achieving a goal that you have set, you'll start to feel better. You can do this! You just need to decide what "this" is.

I'm quite a bit older then you, I'm in my 50s. I think it's normal to have doubts about what we have achieved from time to time when actually we've achieved a lot but society is geared up to always be looking forward to the next achievement rather then what you have already achieved.
Try sitting down and thinking through the different ages when you are in a positive mood and writing down your achievements, I think there will be more than you realise.
I look at life as several different lives each which have different challenges and in some we achieve more than we think in others but that's because we tend to look at the big achievements, for example one year you might have had a big promotion but in another you might have supported a child through starting school - which is the bigger achievement ? A younger me would have said the promotion but an older me might say supporting the child starting school.

I have a friend who came to the sudden realisation that she had two kids, no qualifications and three part-time jobs to pay the rent. She went back to college to do an access course, ended up with a first-class degree in Biology (whilst working at Morrison's to pay the rent) and is now a biomedical scientist in the NHS earning good money.

It can be turned round and it's never too late! Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can do and what you want to do. Small steps.

Namechange - that sounds like a good idea.

Op, in my early 20s I forged a great career for myself, company car, able to work from home, amazing salary, bought my own home (by myself) but left that job due to sexual harassment. Now, in my (early) 40s I'm a single parent to 3 dc (get no maintenance) in a minimum wage job, which I can't say I like, it just got me off benefits and out of poverty. I'm single (through choice mind), never go out, with children 24/7 365. I'm bored. Feel shitty that this is my lot! On a plus I'm going to start an OU degree (altho struggling regarding which degree to do) and hope to set up my own business (well two). So I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't have to be shit u just gota find the mental strength to push forward (although that is easier said than done, I know)!

I'm 36 and could have written this. I have been a SAHM for 12 years and a carer for the last 4. I was supposed to go back to work when DH fell ill. I've done odd things but I just feel totally lost and useless. I have zero confidence in my ability to do the job I trained for and I'm in a rut.

^^ come on ladies, we really need a support group for this , if only to egg each other on and hold each other accountable for making changes!

Well we can't even get that right can we namechange

Ha, Giles, shall I put that down as my number 1 small change out of 52? You wanna join me, feel free

I'll join you!!

Excellent! Come on OP, we're making a change . Seriously, if you want support, PM me and we'll see what we can do!

...and that means you too Giles!

Trinia, you're awesome