WIBU to tell DS he can't do his A-Levels from home?

[nojda]

DS did ok in GCSEs - he got 8 from A-C.

He went to the school's sixth form and failed and so they said he couldn't stay on (he had to get D+) and so he went to college for 4 weeks and absolutely hated it, so just left! He is now doing nothing (well, he has a part time job) and I'm encouraging him to start college in January on an access to higher education course and he is so adamant and says he doesn't want to do that. He has been phoning up college equivalent of open university and speaking to a couple of tutors from there who said if he was working on them full time he may just be able to make the exams for this year if he starts in January, but this is if he puts lots of effort in. I'm not convinced as I don't think DS would be that motivated from home. I also think it's a lot of money to waste when he can get it free from a college but he says that he absolutely hates the setting of a college which I think is really odd and don't understand? but he has visited a few (just before he picked the one he went to) and says he wouldn't want to go to any... He has £4,000 in his bank from where he has been saving and I'd hate for him to use it on something he can get for free, especially as I really don't think he will pass WIBU to say he can't do that, unless he wants to live on his own or something? After all, he'll be in the house all the time so I suppose I kind of have final say? he's not 18 yet

It's great that he wants to continue with his education and has some ideas of careers he wants to do.

A levels and even Access Courses are pretty much the pathway to higher education. Is this what he wants? He needs to have a long hard think about this because if he doesn't like college the chances are high that uni might not be for him either.

My nephew messed about like this at his age and the reason was, he was still pretty immature. In the end he got a job as a chef and worked at this for a while. It gave him experience and cash in his pocket but eventually he went back to college, when he was ready. He did A levels, a degree and a post grad in education. He is now happily working as a science teacher.

If your son refuses to go to college tell him to get a job. You know yourself that he cannot succeed at A levels from home, it's a complete no brainier.

Surely the important bit is he wants to study

Yes but realistically this needs to be in college. Studying at home will just not happen.

I left formal education at 15 (July birthday) because I hated the school style setting. I did vocational qualifications and at 22 I was earning £35k which isn't bad really!

Anyway, due to having children I've changed my mind with regards to career plans and am studying through open uni. If he's only doing an access course before a social work degree (which he has to pay for no matter what age) then what's the problem? It's only a year or 2 and extra £6k to pay back at such a small amount per month.

I would also suggest putting formal education to one side for the moment.

Am I correct in thinking he's already failed one year of a levels in his previous sixth form? Fair play on your son for wanting to try, but it does seem a big leap from not being able to pass in an environment which should be suited to learning and getting the best out of him to being able to do it at home of his own bat.

If he's paying regardless, he might find more suitable options as a more mature student.

Surely the important bit is he wants to study

But not enough to go to college. No one is suggesting he shouldn't study, but doing A Levels at home won't work - he struggled in the first year of school sixth form. He'd be better off getting an apprenticeship and studying that way, he has good GCSEs so that will give him a decent start. Then he can go to university to do social work later. In any case I really would worry about 21 year old social workers, for me you need more life experience.

My ds dropped out of 6th form in Year 13. He actually did ok at AS (got ABC in subjects he was taking for A2) bit almost as soon as term strated in Year 13 he stopped going. He wouldn't say why, but he was extremely depressed and wouldn't get out of bed etc. He claimed he was going to study from home. Dh and I would go to work, he'd be in bed when we left and in bed when we returned. He did no work and predictably failed all his A levels.

We then insisted he got a job, and it was the making of him. His depression lifted, he became happy and calm rather than sad and angry. He's now 20. Lots of his friends have gone to uni but he's adamant he doesn't want to go. He might in the future, but there again he might not. In the meantime, he is holding down a stable office job, earning £22k and developing maturity.

Your son might not be wanting to study at all. Has he talked about gettIng a job? He sounds more motivated than mine did at the same stage. In retrospect, we should never have gone along with the "I'll study for my A levels at home" argument from ds and should have insisted he went and got a job there and then. It would have saved us months of stress. The only reason we didn't was because we wanted him to have every opportunity to do them. I could see him turning round in a few years and saying "well, I could have got my A levels but you made me go and get a job instead".

Good luck. I hope it turns out ok.

I think that he should continue working part time and have more time to decide what he wants to do.

Otherwise he's in danger of being saddled with debt, because he's been pushed into a BA that isn't relevant to what he wants to do.

When I did my BA in SW, there were loads of people with degrees that had been pushed into doing them by their Parents. That was when the fees were only 4K a year.

Could he not carry on working for the next 9 months and then go to a sixth form to do his a levels? He would need to apply now to secure a place for september. I took a break in between my GCSE's and A levels and it was the best decision I made. I was a lot more maturer and focused than the other students and
passed my A levels first time round.

Would your ds consider an apprenticeship if he wants to go down the vocational route?

Doesn't he still need to be in education with the new rules?

I'd encourage him to find an apprenticeship then (if he wants to) return to A levels in 18 months time. He may even find a HLA route to his chosen field.

Let him work until september, then go to a differemt school's sixth form. If he applies now (our local one closes applications pretty early) he has time to show them that he can produce work of the required standard.
The real question is- will he put in the work required? 6months working full time will show him how tomorrow work hard.

Unless he can pick up the same subjects as his AS levels I think he may struggle to find a 6th form to take him in September. A level courses have changed in the past year so are less modular and now 2 year courses. Funding may be an issue if he has to restart or take different subjects.

I wondered if there was some kind of anxiety issue going on with your ds, or does he feel under immense pressure to please you?

I'd be surprised if he found the motivation to study enough at home tobe ready to sit 3 A levels in May. My own DS (20) is doing 1 A level using one of those distance learning organisations (long story as to why) and he has paid his own course fee (£400+). He will also need to pay exam fees and a fee for a centre to mark his coursework (the DL co can't do this). He hasn't investigated what these fees are yet! In addition, the nearest centre to us where he can go to sit the exams (and have work marked) is 40 miles away and if he has a 9.00am exam he will probably need to book a hotel for the night before. All things you might need to check out - maybe his old school will let him enter as an external candidate but this isn't possible for my DS (wrong exam board and his age preclude that).

My DS got 11 GCSE - all A's and I am not feeling that he is currently working hard enough under his own steam to get the grade he needs out of this A level for the purpose he needs it! But as he's 20 and it's his money I am leaving him to it. He has 2 part time jobs which funds his day to day stuff and we will review position if/when his plans don't come to fruition!

Your DS does sound like a bright, motivated person, so you should feel proud of that. I think he has some tough decisions to make. I dropped out of A-levels the first time round because I lacked motivation and couldn't see a clear path to my future. It wasn't until I was older and had a few years of terrible jobs under my belt that I managed to focus and go to uni.

Does he need to do 3 A levels? There are options such as foundation years if he wants to go to uni that would only require two. If he's not decided on a career path then keeping things general might be a good idea. He could join the police as a graduate for example.

The fact he's willing to risk his own money is a good sign though. It might be the thing that lights a fire under him!