AIBU to think I'm losing all my friends and not sure if it's me?

[Batwomanrisesagain]

I posted initially in mental health but there doesn't seem to be much traffic and I don't even know if this is a mental health thing or just me and I'm feeling very confused and ridiculous.
On the face of it (and according to Facebook!)I have the perfect life, great job, lovely family, nice house, lots of friends, great social life. However, particularly over the Xmas break I've felt shit. I'm not sure if it's anxiety or just Xmas blues or a wake up call that I need to take a long hard look at myself? I have spent most of the break comparing myself to others, feeling down- fat and frumpy- but mainly shit about friends. We've hosted a Xmas party that went brilliantly and had friends for Xmas eve and Xmas day and attended a ball and large Xmas party. Howevever, other than one Xmas party all of our social activities have been organised by me- as I'm the one doing the inviting.
I'm feeling down and paranoid that we've had no invites back. There are two local New Year's Eve parties that most of our circle are invited to but we have been left out. One is expected, a neighbour who dislikes me intensely but I don't really know why. This has upset me a lot and made me question all of my other relationships. I've started noticing that other friends get dinner and drinks invites, their kids are invited for sleep overs etc when we aren't and feel that unless I do the inviting we wouldn't see anyone, although people are always happy to come.
I'm consumed by this worry and am starting to dread going back to work (a job I'm pretty good at) as I'm doubting myself so much and feel I'm going to fail at my job. I'm starting to worry the neighbour dislikes me as I'm a nasty person and that's why we also get less invites socially than others we know. I'm confused as to whether the issue is genuinely with me or I'm suffering from anxiety?
I'm exercising when I can which helps but eating my body weight in cheese which doesn't help. I'm dreading new year and watching the party we aren't invited to (can see the house from my window ) and the others play out on face book. I'm spending a lot of time pondering over social media and feeling shit about the things I've not been invited to. I know deleting FB is a start but doesn't change the underlying issues, I would still be aware of being left out of a number of things I'm sure I would previously have been asked to.
This is a ramble, I feel shit, can anyone help me make sense of what's going on and things I can do to improve my mental health? My husband although lovely thinks I'm being ridiculous. I'm not sure if I need to look at being nicer to people or to learn to stop being so hurt when we are left out of things or cultivate the true friendships we have? I currently feel jealous, needy and pathetic all of the time which I'm sure others are picking up on and therefore makes them less inclined to be my friend- a vicious circle.
Help?!

5 activities over Christmas and you're worried about your social life? I've seen my parents/siblings and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. That's it.

You need to value what you have and stop looking over your shoulder at what other people have.

me too Lougle. I am always quite baffled how some communities seem to spend all their time in a frenetic round of socialising and doing shit.
and then fucking posting it on facebook.

Look at me! Look at US! we are HAVING FUN !!!!!

I think anonymous city living has something to be said for it

I completely empathise as I'm going through this at the moment, you are not alone.

I too always seem to be the one initiating contact and organising things but now think what's the point? I'm expecting a baby soon so I think this is the reason for my experience. So, similarly it may be that you're at a different stage in life to your friends and that's why those people are losing touch with you?

I see what @Snapcrap is saying about asking for feedback which may give you some insight but approach with caution. It depends on the person giving the feedback for you to benefit from it (constructive and positive I agree we all need to step back and look at ourselves, but sometimes there isn't a reason, and dwelling on how much of it 'your fault' will effect your confidence and give you even more anxiety.

Get off Facebook. Practice mindfulness, and be kind to yourself

I'd highly recomend a Facebook detox. It does wonders for your mental health!

"I think I'm concerned about how hurt I feel by being left out, I'm sure it's not normal to focus so much on it and let it invade the rest of my life, I've felt a miserable undercurrent all Xmas which I know is ridiculous." "

It's completely and utterly normal and non-ridiculous to feel hurt by a neighbour inviting everyone in the street but you (if that is what has happened), when you live opposite! Especially if you invited her to your party. So I would just go with that feeling - don't tell yourself you shouldn't be upset. I don't know if I'd go away for the evening though - why should you? Why not find a favourite funny film, and have lovely food and a nice evening with dh and dc?

I think in modern life we are told that friends are fab, and 'success' is having a lot of them. They are fab of course, but they can also be the source of hurt, and facebook makes that worse! But - whisper it - do most of them really matter in your life? Perhaps not as much as you think - sometimes the hurt is more that we don't want to be the social pariahs. (Though getting older means you happily don't care about that either!)

It is an interesting suggestion to ask for feedback. But. Hmm. I don't think I would! Apart from anything else, when I think about it, people's popularity doesn't necessarily depend on whether they are nice - it's interesting that sometimes negative, gossiping, snide people can actually be tremendously popular! Equally people who don't really join in conversations.

I think it can sometimes be more to do with 'social status' (nothing to do with money , but whether you are an 'in' person, which is dependent on what the thing you have to be 'in' is, if you see what I mean. Maybe dparents of sporty dc, maybe into fitness, into jazz, into certain way of dressing?).

And I have read that there are also intangible things like body language and 'physical positioning' which have a huge influence on whether people see you as part of a group. Which for me means there is probably not much you can do about it - so just be yourself, be kind, be with the people who like you, and back away quickly from the ones who don't. (Difficult if you live opposite, I accept!)

Thankyou for such lovely replies and hugs to those feeling similar. I think I do have a tendency to being a bit negative but I've actually had a nice chat with a friend who has told me the reason I am disliked is because this particular woman is jealous of my close friendship with someone she feels I have 'stolen' from her. I suspect there is more to it than that and a definite personality clash going on. Another friend is horrified by my confessions of anxiety and said I am the social glue that holds everyone together and liked by everyone, which although not true made me feel so much better.
I am currently on my way to a last minute hotel booking and a party at some friends across the country.
I agree about Facebook but I use it a lot for work and although I know deleting those that make me feel rubbish would help I feel like I need to know what I'm missing out on if that makes sense? Mad I know.

Can you go round to nasty neighbours house with any leftover drink or food for a chat, saying sorry she wasn't able to attend. Try to build bridges?

I have a lovely friend who also organises everything and is the social glue. Like you she invites everyone and hates people feeling left out. And like you she sometimes feels that if she doesn't invite then she doesn't get invites back. I think we all take on roles and if you have the role of organiser then people are more than happy to let you take it on and therefore don't invite you because they know you'll do it.
It is not fair and I have realised how it feels for my friend and am making more effort to make contact with her. However I am unlikely to ever be someone who organises big parties as it causes me such anxiety.

I expect you are well liked, but that you come across as confident and popular and that will rub some people up the wrong way.

Make sure you reach out to people you trust (as you have done with your friend) and build some good close relationships. Everyone loves a good party but they are fairly superficial and don't leave you with deep connections with people.

Enjoy your NY.

I understand how you feel.

I am generally the organiser in our group of friends - there is another who organises stuff, but he is male and tends to do the "lads" and I do the spa days and afternoon teas for the women. On the whole I enjoy the organising role (I was shocked to receive a bunch of flowers for arranging a holiday for us all, and so touched) but I do find it can feed my anxieties a little in that some people seem to say yes to the opening of a crisp packet but never initiate contact.

I've learnt (well, am learning!) to try and let things go, and remember that people would quickly make up excuses to not attend if they disliked me. I do sometimes get a niggle that I'm not actively liked, merely useful to have around, but I know deep down that isn't the case.

As an aside, what is the situation with D.C. / no D.C. IN your circle? I think that can sometimes have a bearing - childfree friends sometimes don't know what / when to suggest for meet ups with me as I have 3 small kids, few babysitters and am still BFing.

Hope you have a lovely new year - and if you can switch off Facebook for the evening it'll do you the world of good!

Some lovely and interesting responses to the OP - OP great news that you've chatted this through with a couple of friends. Happy new year x

As others have said, you've hosted a party, people like you, they'd not come if they didn't.
It sounds like you're overthinking. Some people are pretty happy not hosting and are glad to know someone else who will do it!
I have (thought I had) 1 friend who isn't my cousin, I also thought I had a big family who were all close.
This Christmas has made me realise it's not the case, I don't actually have any friends and my own family aren't all that fussed about seeing me!
Unlike you, it's probably me.
People have turned down multiple invites to gatherings at mine this festive period. Spent Xmas day with dh and dd, Boxing Day and every other bloody day. Fancy swapping?

In the nicest possible way, OP, you need to give yourself a bit of a shake. Your latest post shows you do have friends who've invited you to a party, if not locally. I haven't but I don't much care

Perhaps people feel that they couldn't host a party as they couldn't afford it / haven't got the space / they worry no-one would turn up / they'd feel uncomfortable about whether people would have a good time - in fact all the above would apply to me.

Enjoy your party and challenge yourself to see if you can build some bridges with the neighbour. Can't be pleasant to live close to someone who seems to dislike you.