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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU No More Presents

28 replies

jamesk0001 · 29/12/2016 18:26

I am livid with my brother in law.

He is much better off than we are, always has flashy holidays, new car, really expensive house etc.

He suggested a presents that his 3 kids would like for Christmas, a xbox 1 game for £50, a remote control drone for £40 and a football kit for £60.

I suggested it would be nice if he got our 2 kids a surprise, he knows them well enough. It was a well though out surprise, a gift voucher for £10 each!

Considering how well off he is and the list he gave me, I think this is outrageous behavior and I want to suggest no more present exchanges!

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 29/12/2016 18:45

What a twat.

I'd say in future max spend £10 each, and you know what to get next year..... Wink

Littlepeople12345 · 29/12/2016 18:51

I'd have to say something. I would ring him and tell him no more if he isn't going to be fair. No way would I leave it.

holidaysaregreat · 29/12/2016 18:59

YANBU we had friends & bought gifts for their kids every bday and Christmas & used to spend at least £10 on each. We were always v short of cash and so spending just over £30 on the family. They had much more cash than us & then when we had kids they used to get them something that was about £2.50 each like selection box type of thing. So after a couple of years I just said we'd stick to bday pressies. I would suggest you do same thing - or just agree an amount with him & stick to it.

JustanotherMortificado · 29/12/2016 19:00

That's bad!! Did u actually buy what was on his list? If so then I'd tell him he's out of order and fucking cheeky.

RainbowJack · 29/12/2016 19:04

I think you set yourself up for that with 'I suggested it would be nice if he got our 2 kids a surprise'

Does he have form?

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 29/12/2016 19:32

He has always been a bit mean but not to that extent! He was even bragging about how much they are going to spend on a new 60 inch TV (tasteless) and getting someone in to decorate their new 5 bedroom house on a private gated estate!

OP posts:
girlelephant · 29/12/2016 19:33

Wow Sad. Going forward agree a budget & set gifts. I think that's a lot for DN/DN gifts

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 29/12/2016 19:36

I think either suggesting a present gift limit, like £10 per child, or instead could you arrange to do something for the day instead of presents, go to the zoo or a lovely park or something.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2016 19:44

He's your brother.

Say something!

CakesRUs · 29/12/2016 19:46

I think £10 for a niece/nephew is fair enough - £60 - no way.

CakesRUs · 29/12/2016 19:47

Also, I never ask what they want or say what my kids want, if they don't like it (my kids included) tough!

LagunaBubbles · 29/12/2016 19:47

These situations brew because people don't say anything, usually under the guise of "oh I don't want to cause a row"....stuff that, I would be saying something right now and I certainly wouldn't be spending that kind of money on them again either.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2016 19:55

Oh, I think I'd be on the phone saying 'Explain this to me, why do you ask me to get expensive presents for your children when your idea of a present is a £10 gift voucher? What is behind this mismatch between your children and my children?'

Put him on the spot.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 29/12/2016 20:05

I am sure its a power thing, he always wants to be one better and this action will have been planned to make me feel bad that my kids have got crap presents whilst his have got lovely ones at my expense.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 29/12/2016 20:12

Yes, you already know the explanation. But still, phone him and put him on the spot. Make him actually have to say the words. At the moment he's feeling all-powerful. Strip him of that feeling by having to SAY what he's done. I guarantee this will make him feel a damned sight smaller. Punish him.

greenfolder · 29/12/2016 20:32

Just dont swap presents in the future.

FeelingSmurfy · 29/12/2016 22:21

Well if that's the reason, turn it round on him "by the way, don't worry about only being able to give the kids a £10 voucher, I'm just glad I could help you out by buying your kids x,y and z, I'm glad I was able to treat my niece/nephew" if the reason is what you think it will totally take away the smug feeling because you definitely come out of this in a better light

The only way I would be spending that much on niece and nephews is if I won the lottery, definitely reduce it in future and either don't ask, or ask then laugh when he gives ridiculous suggestions "as if I would be spending that much, good joke! Seriously though, what would they like around the £15-£20 mark"

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 30/12/2016 12:23

Right that it. Family protecting the so and so, oh he has been soooo busy etc. etc. So busy he could have got £50 vouchers instead of £10 vouchers!?

Two weeks ago paid him premium family prices for the panto tomorrow (£95 for the family), he has only got standard tickets (£60) for us and premium for him and his. No explanation, nothing!

Personally don't want anything else to do with him and he has been un-invited from New Years Eve at mine but the Mrs and inlaws are not happy about it!

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2016 12:48

Am I reading this right? You gave him £95 to buy premium tickets for you, he has bout standard tickets costing £60 - and pocketed the £35?

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 30/12/2016 12:51

What did you say to him about the £10 vouchers?

What did you say to him about the panto tickets? Did you ask for the change back?

ijustwannadance · 30/12/2016 12:56

He has no repect for you, thinks he and his family are vastly superior and us counting on you being too weak to confront him.

His excuse for panto will be there were no more premium seats left. He just didn't want you thinking you were is the same league as him.
Tell him you want the cash back asap.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 30/12/2016 13:05

Am I reading this right? You gave him £95 to buy premium tickets for
you, he has bout standard tickets costing £60 - and pocketed the £35?

Yes. I have asked for the £35 back. His response was "Whatever!". Not sure what that meant so I will confront him this PM at the panto!

OP posts:
Original poster
jamesk0001 · 30/12/2016 13:10

What did you say to him about the £10 vouchers?

He said he was too busy to sort out presents. Fine, but at least spend the equivalent on the vouchers. I have to get three presents, he only has to get two so it would still be cheaper anyway (say 2 x £50 against 3 x £50). Said he wasn't even thinking about it, apparently the vouchers were from work!!!!!! So he didn't even go out and buy them. Grrrr!

OP posts:
OrangeSquashTallGlass · 30/12/2016 13:10

Won't it just spoil the panto for everyone to confront him there - Why don't you just call him before hand? Or you could text him so it's in writing?

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/12/2016 13:25

Confrontation is sometimes the best way to deal with things. The desire to be polite and unobtrusive - that's a weapon in the hand of someone like OP's BIL.

OP - is he your spouse's brother or your sister's husband? I'm guessing spouse's brother, because of "inlaws are not happy about" you disinviting him from New Year. Is he the 'golden child' of their parents? Can do no wrong in their eyes? Your spouse expected by their parents to put up and shut up? That type often ends up thinking the whole world revolves around them.