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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guests arriving full & late

39 replies

Dottie39 · 29/12/2016 16:57

AIBU here?
Invite guests a couple of weeks in advance for specified time, say I will be doing food - small buffet, nothing elaborate.
Guests call an hour before due to say will be a few hours late - they are in area so decided to drop in on another family member!! Arrive three hours late having had a huge meal. Eat nothing, completely drink the wine they bought for me and leave after a couple of hours.

OP posts:

toldmywraath · 29/12/2016 17:51

A few years ago a friend of mine said she'd visit for present exchange but would be quite late- 8 or 9pm. I said no problem. She turned up at 10.50pm ! I go tobed at 10.30 usually & I was really tired, DC was in bed & had to get up early next day for work. I still can't believe that my politeness meant I made her a drink etc & she stayed for an hour.

Needless to say, I no longer bother with this particular friend (she'd always been an horrendous timekeeper) as her time seems way more important than mine & she had a way of making me feel miserable about myself.

Yanbu OP. It's always afterwards that we can think of stuff to say/do but in the moment we're often perplexed.

whyohwhy000 · 29/12/2016 17:51

Was "buffet" meant to be "crisps and mini sausage rolls" or "takeaway pizza and jacket potatoes"?

Footinmouthasusual · 29/12/2016 17:57

It was rude and dismissive op. To be that late you need a really good excuse. Buffet might have been crossed wires but still rude.

The wine is puzzling though didn't you provide any?

2ndSopranos · 29/12/2016 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipsandgin · 29/12/2016 18:04

We went to stay with friends for a few days in the area we used to live in recently - I'd made an arrangement with other friends to see them and go out for food with kids (only chance we had to see them), DH was driving up & meeting up with us at the house we were staying with and having dinner with them, he told me he had let them know...

I turned up and it turned out DH had misunderstood not fucking listened or communicated properly and our lovely hosts had spent all day cooking fancy food and were waiting all ready to go when I turned up full and late. SO embarrassing . Hugely and cringingly apologised and I now make sure I am involved with ALL arrangements. Feel for you though (am still cringing), if it was a misunderstanding they should have been as mortified as I was!

Original poster

Dottie39 · 29/12/2016 18:18

Yes of course I provided wine and drinks - however they chose to head to the kitchen and open the bottle they had handed to me on arrival. Not a big deal to me really but just added to my annoyance!
The buffet wasn't especially huge, but I had made lots of things from scratch and made an effort to make nice things as opposed to chucking a pizza in the oven. In the lead up I had discussed food to check nothing they wouldn't eat etc.
Neither the drink or food are the real issue for me, its the lateness and feeling like a plan B even when I made the plans with them. They blatantly weren't bothered about spending time with us and that hurts. If they had been excited to see us they wouldn't have gone elsewhere, especially for so long.
Their attitude was defensive when they arrived, saying they thought it was just a 'pop in whenever' thing, I had spoken to them two days ago to confirm everything. Perhaps miscommunication there, but I struggle to see how.

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 29/12/2016 18:19

I can't get past the 'told me they'd be a few hours late' bit. No-one would or could tell me that!

If I've made an arrangement with them for lunch time, then lunch time is when I'm available. They don't own my day!!!

Lorelei76 · 29/12/2016 18:21

Bluntness you're okay with an hour's notice of being very late due to their own new plan?!

Op your update makes it sound like the food situation was very clear.

This is really rude. Def don't invite them again.

ForalltheSaints · 29/12/2016 18:23

Don't invite them again. You are actually helping them as they will hopefully not behave like that to others.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 29/12/2016 18:24

I used to know some people a bit like this. If you were organising anything you got used to telling them the start time at least half an hour earlier than it actually was. It never occurred to any of this group that there are certain things that mean being late just isn't an option.
I had another one fairly recently. Invited some friends over for my youngest childs birthday. One person cancelled the day before as their dh had decided they needed a "family day". One person was on time, one was slightly late and one...
Well we saw them arrive on time. They got out of the car and then wandered off. We didn't see them for nearly an hour. It turns out they have friends in the same street and thought it would be good to pop in and visit them first.
Rude. Needless to say I wont be inviting them over again.
I have also had the experience of inviting people over for food only to find they'd already eaten. I was hosting a big curry night. I put in all the emails I sent out "curry night".
Cue one person arriving and saying "Oh, are you doing food? I've already had my dinner."
The title of the email was "Cigars Curry Night" what the hell was he expecting? That we'd just sit around and talk about curry or look at some pictures of curry?
YANBU op. It's rude and selfish behaviour.

RubyRoseViolet · 29/12/2016 18:28

So rude!!! What are some people like?! Just the lateness is unacceptable really even without the food issue!! We had friends who were routinely hours late, we never have them over now. I just can't comprehend such rudeness.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2016 18:28

Lorela, yes, if someone was just popping in and I was just proving a small buffet , nothing elaborate and they called an hour beforehand to say they would be also popping in to someone else on way and would be late, I'd be fine, or I'd tell them it was an issue if I had other plans.

However based on the ops update, I find it very rude to pour them a glass of wine and they go to the kitchen and open their own and drink that instead, I find that beyond bizzare

Sprink · 29/12/2016 18:33

Three hours late? Somebody had better be in A&E.

Lorelei76 · 29/12/2016 18:37

Bluntness, three hours late? You could have other plans?

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