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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told my son the truth (Santa)

20 replies

CatchingBabies · 29/12/2016 14:39

Don't read this with small children looking over your shoulder!

Ok so my son is coming up to 13 years old, he has autism and is very naive for his age. I didn't think he still believed in Santa for at least a couple of years now but we all play along for the sake of younger children in the house.

Anyway on Christmas Day I thought it was strange he wrote a card to Santa and put it in his stocking without telling anyone (I found it) and since then a few conversations showed that he still firmly believes in Santa.

So I told him the truth. I feel awful as he was so upset and even argued me a little with 'proof' that I had to be wrong.

I was worried due to his age he would be picked on if he went back to school with talks about what Santa brought him and I expect most children would have well stopped believing by now. Yet I can't help but feel bad about telling him. WIBU?

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/12/2016 14:43

I'm sorry, but. IMHO you were being unreasonable. Children find out for themselves and you took the magic away from him.

That1950sMum · 29/12/2016 14:45

You were right to tell him. Better coming from you than someone at school.

Floggingmolly · 29/12/2016 14:45

No, I don't think you were. If he's at high school; talking about Santa wouldn't go down particularly well. Kids can be very cruel.

fecketyfeck · 29/12/2016 14:46

You did the rest get thing. I also have a son with autism, he's 20 now but he was a similar age to yours when I told him the truth about santa.

Yes kids find out in their own way but my ds was so upset, the same as yours I was glad that I'd told him and we had the upset at home rather than him finding out at school, dealing with the upset there and possibly opening him up to bullying for a) still believing and b) being so upset about it.

I think you definitely did the right thing, and he will get over it.

illegitimateMortificadospawn · 29/12/2016 14:47

I kind of let it slip to my 11 yo assuming he already knew & was playing along - he's in high school now FFS! DH told me on Boxing Day that DS1 had told him it had nixed his Christmassy feeling and he'd not been able to get it back. Oops!

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 29/12/2016 14:47

That's what I'm worried about and I honestly don't think he would have found out himself. His autism means he can't distinguish real from pretend very well and makes him extremely naive. I would have always had to tell him at some point or someone else would have done not as nicely as I did. When would have been the right time? I feel so guilty though.

OP posts:

TwoGunslingers · 29/12/2016 14:47

I would probably have waited until the new year so he could still enjoy this Christmas Day, but otherwise not u

jaykay34 · 29/12/2016 14:48

Of course YANBU.

I think you did the right thing. Despite his autism, he is 13, and it is probably better coming from you than somebody else.

I have a 40 year old cousin who has a learning disability, who still believes in Santa. My Aunt and Uncle have told him that Santa doesn't exist, and do not pretend in any way that he does - but my cousin doesn't believe them !

notangelinajolie · 29/12/2016 14:53

Not told any of mine yet and the youngest is about to leave school. Santa still visits us every year, I know this because he always drinks the brandy we leave out for him.

Do people actually have a serious sit down conversation about this

Evergreen17 · 29/12/2016 14:54

I still remember how I found out. This girl from school cane to me mocking another child because he still believed in Santa, she was all "can you believe it??!! He didn't know???!!!!" so i played along.
Felt awful.
I was 6-7 I think
So at age 13 he would have been mocked eventually sorry. So I think you did well

titchy · 29/12/2016 14:59

Do people actually have a serious sit down conversation about this

When the child has SN and believing leaves them open to ridicule then yes of course people do. It's responsible parenting.

With NT kids there's usually no need but the two situations aren't comparable, so not quite sure why the sneery face...

FinnegansCake · 29/12/2016 15:06

I think you were absolutely right to tell him, he would have been at very real risk of being bullied if ever his classmates found out he still believed. I'm not very clear about when you had the conversation though. Was it before or after Santa came? I would have let him enjoy this Christmas but told him the truth before school starts again.
Don't beat yourself up about it, he had to be told. Far better that he heard it from his loving mother than from a jeering classmate.

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 29/12/2016 15:15

Thank you everyone! Yes we had a serious sit down conversation as I knew he would be upset and telling him in casual passing would have been far more upsetting to him. And I told him after Christmas (today), would never have told him just before!

I honestly thought he didn't believe anymore or I'd have dropped subtle hints over time but felt as an almost teen he needed to know.

OP posts:

alphabetaspagetti · 29/12/2016 15:27

I did this last year with my autistic ds, and he is several years younger than yours - for exactly the same reason. He was mixing with older children for a weekly activity and I was worried he would be bullied about it (no doubt about it, he would have been). Santa still comes to him though!

catwoman0815 · 29/12/2016 15:32

I think you were right.

DD is 8 and firmly believes in Santa. She has ASD and learning diffs. I will keep things as they are for the next few years but I think there will be a point where I will tell her.

Chelazla · 29/12/2016 15:33

I think you did right thing but I'm so sad for you! Kids are mean! An older child told my 4yo Santa wasn't real and I had to physically restrain my hubby from finding said 9yo! Luckily we talked her round but once they don't believe it does steal some magic. X

Chelazla · 29/12/2016 15:34

Notangelina I also think the sneer is really uncalled for and quite nasty. Op said her son is sn!

DancingDragon · 29/12/2016 15:34

I think you did the right thing op.

mikeyssister · 29/12/2016 16:33

I told DD12 who's NT yesterday. She half believed/half hoped I think.

If anyone mocks/teases her when she goes back to school she plans to tell them she always refers to Santa as she has young cousins and doesn't want to slip in front of them. It's a handy excuse for anything she said before they broke up.

I think she's delighted to know the truth, but I'm devastated as she was my baby.

heavenlypink · 29/12/2016 17:57

The way I explained it to my SN DS was to say that Yes Santa was a real person but many many years ago and not in our country - and that Santa was not ever able to deliver presents to ALL the children ALL around the world. He's 19 down and (I think) still believes in the magic of Christmas 🎅🏼

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