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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sexting and my sister

26 replies

Flipfloo78 · 29/12/2016 12:17

Hi, not a Mum but helping to care for my youngest siblings, both are 15. My sister has been in a relationship and her boyfriend asked her for a topless picture. She refused and dumped him but this has really annoyed me. I think he's manipulative and is pressurising other girls to send him things. I want to message him and tell him the potential consequences of such actions. Am I being unreasonable or is he just a teenage boys? Please help.

OP posts:
hanban89 · 29/12/2016 12:55

How old is the bf? Could you talk to his parents?
You should be proud your little sister refused and dumped him. I don't think teenage boys understand the significance of sending and receiving pictures like this. He probably doesn't know it could land him in big trouble.

steff13 · 29/12/2016 13:01

If I were his parent, I'd want to know. Here that would be considered child pornography, and he could get in big trouble for having it, even though he's a minor himself. I'd want to know of my son was asking girls for those things.

Banana25 · 29/12/2016 13:12

Talking to the school is probably the best course of action. They're really hot on this sort of thing these days. I wouldn't directly get involved yourself, as in talking to him or his parents.

And you really should be proud of your sister. And the fact that she was so open with you about it really reflects what an amazing relationship you must have.

Trifleorbust · 29/12/2016 13:16

Talking to the school Hmm

This is a personal matter, nothing to do with school (who says they even go to the same school?). It sounds like your sister dealt with the situation well. They were in a relationship so it isn't that strange that he would ask, even if it is totally correct for her to say no chance. I would leave it there.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2016 13:17

Is she 15? Then yes I'd be tempted to tell the school, but I'd def congratulate her on saying no and dumping his sorry ass.

Ilovecaindingle · 29/12/2016 13:18

My sons friend did similar to his whole group of female friends. It became a police matter and he has now got a criminal record at 15 - maybe try and let his parents know. I assume they pay his phone bill so should know what he is using his phone for.

fallenempires · 29/12/2016 13:25

Great to hear that your dsis has strong personal boundaries and values herself.If you know the parents then I would have a word with them.
Agree with speaking with school we've experienced similar DD & her friends all kept the screenshots.

lovelearning · 29/12/2016 13:35

her boyfriend asked her for a topless picture. She refused and dumped him

If only all young women had such strength of character.

Flipfloo78, you must be doing something right.

Hats off to you.

peggyundercrackers · 29/12/2016 13:36

im not sure what I would do. sadly its very common and goes on all the time between people under 16.

its good your sister said no and dumped him.

Benedikte2 · 29/12/2016 13:37

Well done on your sisters part OP.
Advise school and ask for outcome. If the school doesn't take satisfactory action then phone Social Services. Probably not worth contacting his parents as he'll most likely just get sneakier

MarjorieSimpson · 29/12/2016 13:38

Yep the first thing that to my mind is what lovelearning said.

If she had the strength of character to dump him over that, you must be doing something right.

Re the exbf, it depends of his age really. If he is a similar age (and going to the same school), I would contact the school about it, assuming your sister is happy about that.

cherrycrumblecustard · 29/12/2016 13:39

Actually trifle it's got everything to do with the school. We recently had communication about this sort of thing urging the school to be involved.

eyebrowsonfleek · 29/12/2016 13:41

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/sexting/

Clever girl. Taking a nude pic of herself and sending it is against the law.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 29/12/2016 13:42

Schools are absolutely interested in protecting pupils from harassment of this kind, and in preventing (primarily male) pupils from breaking the law, Trifle - at least good ones are.

Trifleorbust · 29/12/2016 13:44

If I was the 15 year old and my sister went to my school to report he fact that my boyfriend asked for a photo of my boobs I would be furious. I am aware that schools do get involved in these things but that doesn't mean they have to in every situation. The sister dumped the boy - hopefully lesson learned and end of story.

cherrycrumblecustard · 29/12/2016 13:45

Well not really because what if he does it to another girl without a sister looking out for her?

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 29/12/2016 13:48

School will most likely handle this sensitively, without naming names. The girl doesn't need to know, nor does the boy - it will more likely be a reminder in PSHE that bothering people for photos or sending photos is a Bad Idea.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2016 13:50

Trifleorbust

The school will take this very seriously, especially as he is asking other girls to do this.

It he is caught with pictures of underage girls (or boys) on his phone it s a serious offence (as is sharing these pictures with others).

Talking to the school and the school putting it out there that they (the school) are aware of how bad this may encourage more girls to come forward.

The boy in question could end up being excluded and put on the sex offenders register.

Lemon12345 · 29/12/2016 13:50

Been in a similar situation only Dsis sent the pic, but at a year older not so much you can do about it. Luckily Dsis dumped the idiot after mutual friends were apparently show the pics, which were sent via snapchat. There are apps that allow you to take a screenshot (before the pic disappears) without the sender knowing. Not to mention I've heard horror stories before about snapchat leaking/being hacked and similar pictures been spread. Not sure how true that is, but at the end of the day once you take a picture on an app it's out of your control.

At 15 there is the underage element to this as well. If you have met the parents before and they seem like reasonable people I would let them know and mention a few facts about the legality of the situation that neither kids want to be caught up in.

Yoarchie · 29/12/2016 13:53

Distribution of child porn (which is what a topless photo of a 15yo is) is a crime. I refuse to believe 15yos don't know this given the levels of electronic education these days.

Personally I'd stick with protecting your sister. Nobody should be sending mucky photos ever given the ease of stuff going viral/criminal implications.

Man10 · 29/12/2016 13:55

I think you'd be doing him a favour if you pointed out to him that inciting someone to make or distribute sexual images of a child is a criminal offence, him possessing that image would be an offence, and (in case he cares) her making and sending that image would be offenses.

Whatsername17 · 29/12/2016 13:56

I teach Sex Ed and we cover sexting as part of the curriculum. Not all schools do. Your sister did the right thing not sending a picture. It has become part of teenage relationships though - kids see it as flirting and do not always appreciate the consequences. In the lesson I teach I try to ensure that they do not feel ashamed of this desire to titillate via pictures but warn them of the consequences- the picture getting out into the public domain, into the hands of pedophiles, being easily traceable back to them etc. Anyone who distributes these type of pictures can be charged with the distribution of child pornography if the subject is under 16 (although it is rare that the police prosecute for one or two pictures of a girl/boyfriend) and if pictures are released after a relationship has broken down it is classed as 'revenge porn' which is now a crime. Talking to the school is a good idea because it is likely that the boy in this scenario is feeling the pressure to have these pictures due to it being something that other people in his friendship group are doing. Rather than him being 'bad' he might just have a skewered idea of what is 'normal' because of his social group. In which case, there are more vulnerable teenagers at risk than just your sister. Porn/social mexia/reality tv all give teenagers a warped idea of what a healthy relationship looks like or what is 'normal' practice when flirting. The unit I teach covers all of the above and has been very successful in empowering teenagers to make more rational and informed choices about sex and relationships. As a school we had to react to a growing problem; a few years ago, older men were pressuring the boys at my school to get naked pictures of girls and send them on. They then 'swapped' the pictures for alcohol and tickets into clubs. For that reason alone, I'd advocate telling the school.

KayTee87 · 29/12/2016 13:59

Well done to your sister. I'm glad this wasn't a thing when I was at school as I'm not sure I'd have had the same strength of character.
I'd tell his parents as he could get into a lot of trouble over this.

timelytess · 29/12/2016 14:01

Talk to the school (his and hers).

Do not try to deal with his parents, or with him directly.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 29/12/2016 14:15

YY, don't approach the parents or the boy. Leave it to the school(s).

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