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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clutter, minimalism, eBay and my state of mind!

64 replies

Elemontary · 29/12/2016 11:35

Not an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

Christmas is over and I feel shattered and down, and this isn't helped by the house being full of lots of new clutter and presents. Some wanted, some that need to go to the charity shop (far too many toys for the children, and quite a few things that I don't think will be played with).

I am going to attempt to clear the house but feel completely overwhelmed! We have just moved so the house was not very organised in the first place. Where do I start? I just want to start filling bin bags but what isstopping me is the fact it feels SO wasteful to give away so much. Especially when we are saving for work on the house (it's in need of a lot of work).

Should I be selling our unwanted things on eBay to contribute towards the renovation costs? I can't find the motivation to do this!

It seems such a drawn out process, photographing, loading pictures, writing descriptions, answering questions, packaging and taking to the post office. I have 3 young DC and probably only have an hour a day to myself which is taken up with the day to day housework.

OP posts:
ChapstickLegends · 29/12/2016 14:46

I'm afraid that I find it unbelievable that juust because someone else bought you something, it means that you are duty-bound to give it space in your house!

Elphame · 29/12/2016 14:48

One of the key "kondoisms" is that a gifts purpose is to be given. Once it has been given it has served its purpose and does not need to be kept unless it sparks joy.

So freeing not to have a house full of other peoples choices.

CaraAspen · 29/12/2016 14:49

Wow. The book says it ergo it must be true.

CaraAspen · 29/12/2016 14:49

I mean The Book.Smile

opinionatedfreak · 29/12/2016 14:50

I agree with Chapsticks. Just because someone has given you something you don't need to keep it.

We have a phrase in the family - "freeing it to an appreciated home" = giving to the charity shop. Why store stuff, causing clutter to avoid offence to people who probably won't even notice.

Plifner · 29/12/2016 14:51

Can't you put stuff away and bring it out in a few months? I used to do that with the inevitable 20 craft sets dd used to get for her birthday a few years ago!

ChapstickLegends · 29/12/2016 14:52

Yy Elphame.

I have a dear friend to whom I've given a fair few presents over the years. There have surely been a few 'misses' amongst the 'hits'.

Last year she had a massive remodel and declutter of her tiny flat (almost a bedsit really). I'm sure many or even most of my non-consumable gifts went to the charity shop. That's none of my business, and anyway I'd be upset if things that I gave with love were getting in her way and making her life more difficult. That's the opposite of what I want for her!

ChapstickLegends · 29/12/2016 14:53

(Now it sounds like I've given her loads of unnecessary crappy gifts. I haven't, honest! Grin)

CaraAspen · 29/12/2016 14:54

"Plifner

Can't you put stuff away and bring it out in a few months? I used to do that with the inevitable 20 craft sets dd used to get for her birthday a few years ago!"

That seems reasonable in a way that thinking of getting rid of it FOUR DAYS later is not. IMO

LittleWingSoul · 29/12/2016 15:01

I keep a small box of unopened kids gifts (I.e. cellophane still on) to regift for kids Bday parties and after a month or so I make a judgement on whether a toy/book has been played with enough to be a 'keeper'.

It would be madness to suggest keeping every single gift in my situation, similar to yours - lots of aunties and uncles. I do appreciate their generosity but like you OP have parents who are hoarders so am uncomfortable around a lot of clutter.

Even when we have asked for money towards something big like a trampoline or paying for a club they still put a gift with it! Very sweet and I love them dearly, deciding to de-clutter is not a sign of ungratefulness, I know people might feel strongly otherwise! Maybe they have a large dedicated toy room though.

Original poster
Elemontary · 29/12/2016 15:03

I'm afraid I don't have the storage in this house. There are no cupboards and no attic space. I also don't want to start hoarding ...

In our old home we put everything we didn't really want into the attic. When we came to move it took 16 full car trips to the skip and charity shop to clear it all - none of which we missed or needed.

OP posts:
Plifner · 29/12/2016 15:04

Why on earth do people keep buying you lots of big unwanted presents!!?? Just say something!!

Plifner · 29/12/2016 15:05

If you have literally no cupboards that is?

LittleWingSoul · 29/12/2016 15:06

Don't feel guilty OP! Someone somewhere will appreciate your donation. And it sounds like it will do you a lot of good too.

Original poster
Elemontary · 29/12/2016 15:06

Oh Plifner ... none that are not full with things we cannot live without out - plates, mugs, school uniform etc!!

That's just the way my family are re gifts, and there are lots of them on both mine and my husband' sides.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elemontary · 29/12/2016 15:07

I am not going to buy an extra cupboard to put this stuff into!

OP posts:
LittleWingSoul · 29/12/2016 15:10

The day Christmas isn't a by-word for spending out loads of cash on gifts this will become less of an issue. People don't really believe you when you ask them to hold back on the gift buying for kids! I suggested on an old thread maybe I'd put 'no gifts please, just your company!' or something to that effect on kids Bday invites and got called mean. But then if I were to allow the gift free for all and eventually donate some of those gifts (it took us 4 DAYS to work through the bags of gifts for DD's Bday this summer) I am apparently also mean... can't win!

Best just not to tell people what happens to unwanted gifts perhaps.

Elphame · 29/12/2016 15:11

Wow. The book says it ergo it must be true.

I have found it to be true yes - much to my surprise I admit. I am now free of a number of -hideous- objects that I kept for no purpose other than they were gifts from people I care about. I am sure ChapstickLegends has it right - they would not want their gifts to be seen as a burden.

I now feel no obligation to keep things even for 4 days. My home is my own and I and my family get to choose what stays here. This year about a dozen boxes of biscuits and chocolates have already gone. None of us wanted to eat them.

pandarific · 29/12/2016 15:14

A good way to cut down on ebay time - search for an item you have and want to sell. Once you've found one the same as yours, click into it and select the option to 'sell one like this'. Then ebay automatically sets up a listing in the right area etc.

I think it's a good way to make a bit of spare cash - but really gumtree is simpler and you tend to get more money for the items. It's not good for clothes, but good for other things like furniture etc. You may as well put up an ad - people often come over to pick up.

I haaaate facebook selling sites. They are haunted by an army of huns who want everything for 2 quid, and none of them will ever pick up.

pandarific · 29/12/2016 15:14

A good way to cut down on ebay time - search for an item you have and want to sell. Once you've found one the same as yours, click into it and select the option to 'sell one like this'. Then ebay automatically sets up a listing in the right area etc.

I think it's a good way to make a bit of spare cash - but really gumtree is simpler and you tend to get more money for the items. It's not good for clothes, but good for other things like furniture etc. You may as well put up an ad - people often come over to pick up.

I haaaate facebook selling sites. They are haunted by an army of huns who want everything for 2 quid, and none of them will ever pick up.

Zarachristmas · 29/12/2016 15:15

We are exactly the same.

Cleared about 10 bags of stuff yesterday. Bin, charity shop and stuff to sell.

My kids have also had several presents that have sadly gone straight to the charity shop as they're either duplicates or not age appropriate.

Even though we've done all that the house still feels cluttered.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 29/12/2016 15:21

Cara - an elderly relative gave us all clothes this Christmas - all bar one of them are the wrong size, and only one other was something that the recipient would wear (if it had been the right size). All are adult, or nearly, so it's not a case of hanging on to too big clothes to see if a DC grows into them, and in no circumstances can I imagine I'll ever wear lime green. So what difference does it make to the relative if these things go to the charity shop today, or next month, or next year? We appreciate the relative took time and money to chose gifts for us all, and are grateful that they love us enough to want to buy presents,but we're not in a position to create a store room of "not ever going to be used by us" gifts that can be sent to the charity shop after an "acceptable" length of time.

Magicpaintbrush · 29/12/2016 15:43

I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel OP - all of the clutter makes me feel actually quite stressed out and miserable too. Really not like me to be so unenthusiastic about Christmas but this year I felt like I just couldn't tolerate all the busy-ness, but also all of the clutter (decorations) and the huge mountain of presents we were given.....I know it seems ungrateful and I don't mean to be but it genuinely makes me feel really unhappy. Where do we put all of this stuff???? And some of it I know we will never use and just don't want. Every single year my Nan buys us these big china Christmas ornaments which are all gathering dust in the loft, not our taste at all, and there are more every year (she would take offence if we said anything), gigantic boxes of shortbread (has anybody in history ever been glad to receive one of those??), and endless other things we don't want or need - 7 boxes of chocolates, why???? Our DD has received 4 big selection packs plus umpteen smaller chocolate efforts, way more than she could ever eat. She got more toys than we actually have space for.

I get that people want to show they care, I really do, but it is all so excessive now that I feel like it is completely missing the whole point of Christmas. I can't cope with all this STUFF!!! We already had so much stuff we wanted to car-boot this coming Spring, now we have even more.

CaraAspen - I think the point the OP is trying to make is that the excessive consumerism that Christmas has now become is actually in effect ruining it, and making it a stressful and miserable experience. Yes people have spent money on gifts, but actually the point is that they are going completely over the top and it isn't necessary. Instead of one present each it is now one big present with gazillions of smaller presents around it, and if you have a big family like mine it becomes way too much.

I wish we could all just go back a few decades and stop this consumer madness that Christmas has become, it isn't fun or festive anymore, it's stressful.

My DD has her birthday in January so there will be even more toys, and actually I don't genuinely think it's good for her to get given such an excessive amount of stuff.

Good luck with your de-cluttering OP.

BabooshkaKate · 29/12/2016 15:50

I tend to think of it more like a job. I will list say, 5 things I no longer wear or want in an evening and may only do this once a week but maybe 2-3 times if I am on a clear out roll. Once you get into the swing of things it's not that bad. Take a photo of the front, back, side, label, any damaged parts, done.

Get your kids involved in choosing what to get rid of and do this consistently twice a year or every quarter. If they're involved in the process its better long term. They will learn to prioritise things they like and want and won't be distressed at things vanishing randomly. My toys would go missing and I found it hugely upsetting and wondered if this is why I am a bit of a hoarder these days.

lljkk · 29/12/2016 16:20

I like to tackle one room at a time or (a Kondo idea) one category of stuff at a time. Nothing ever sparks joy for me so I'm not a Kondo person otherwise. Not used in last 12 months is a pretty good rule for chucking day-to-day items, but not for specialist stuff (like sports equipment).

If I don't know where to put something I try to think if there's somewhere better I could put it, which helps group related items together.