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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am probably being ur but...

54 replies

Losgunna · 29/12/2016 11:34

Another mil one sorry.

So dp is in work for the morning, mil, sil and her bf have taken ds to the blue planet aquarium.

I am a bit fucker off with as
a) I only found out yesterday
b) I've been dying to take him for ages, and they know this (since ds was one, he is now three)
c) when I told him his nana and auntie were taking him out today as a treat he asked to go to see the dinosaurs in the museum
d) I told them that's what he's asked for and they've all ignored both of us and are taking him to the aquarium anyway, at which point ds got really upset so they lied to him and said they were going to the museum

I'm annoyed that they've lied to ds, annoyed that they've taken him somewhere I've wanted to take him for a long time and annoyed that they're just going there because that's where they want to go not where ds wants to go and this was supposed to be a treat for him.

There is quite a bit of back story to this though, mil is pretty much universally regarded as a total bitch by everyone I know including dp.

Sorry this is just a bit of a rant really as it's not the first time she's pulled shit like this.

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/12/2016 13:07

I'm sorry. You must be very disappointed. What strikes me is that they knew you wanted to go and didn't try to include you too. They sound mean to me.

notrocketscience · 29/12/2016 13:09

YABU. He is only 3 so he probably won't even remember going to the Aquarium unless he comes back with the obligatory soft toy whale.
2 years in which you intend to take him but don't? Having said that my two have been several times and always whizzed round fairly fast and apart from stroking a stingray found it quite boring.
The science part in the basement of the Natural History Museum was a winner as was the Childrens' Toy Museum which they totally loved. (So did I!). That's free although we had to have a trip to London to see it.
I don't know where you live but the Intech science places were absolutely spot on for many years and for all ages. I purchased a family season ticket one year which proved excellent value. They still remember "the Cardboard Rocket" film with fondness. (We've moved too far away now otherwise we'd still go and they are 12 and 13).

NerrSnerr · 29/12/2016 13:10

There must be somewhere else you want to take him that you can take him next week. It seems odd that you've wanted to go for 2 years and all of a sudden you want to take him the same week someone else wants to take him.

SapphireStrange · 29/12/2016 13:10

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dowhatnow · 29/12/2016 13:12

Do the rest of you all let people do what ever they want with your children?
Are you comfortable with them dictating what they are doing within your family? Fair enough if this was a one off, but these inlaws have form for riding roughshod over the op and her DH.

The op couldn't say no to them. Ok it got a bit convoluted because C and D shouldn't have been issues because a child shouldn't be dictating where adults take him, but th op has got a bit emotional because she is disappointed she is not taking him.

What we have established though is that the op can't seem to stand up to these inlaws and that mil is generally a bitch- not just to the op.

Bauble16 · 29/12/2016 13:27

Do the rest of you all let people do what ever they want with your children?
Are you comfortable with them dictating what they are doing within your family? Fair enough if this was a one off, but these inlaws have form for riding roughshod over the op and her DH.

Her DH gave permission to his family to take the child out. They didn't just turn up and kidnap him. The op had no intention of taking her son, just a dream as it wasn't doable. It's just the bloody aquarium, hardly stepping on anyone's toes given the op had zero plans to go. An idea for 2 years isn't a plan. She needs to let it go

Clandestino · 29/12/2016 13:30

Any particular reason why you can't use the money to take him to a museum let's say this Saturday?
If you have weekends off, you have a whole one day ahead. Get the public transport if you are restricted by not being able to drive, have a nice New Year's Eve lunch with him, get back before he's overtired and he might even sleep on bus/train.
You'll be his heroes and he's going to have two great experiences in one week.

MarjorieSimpson · 29/12/2016 13:31

YANBU to think that lying to a toddler is not acceptable, not in this way anyway.
YANBU to think saying they are going there for a treat for ds is hypocritical.

YABU to think they have taken something from you by taking him to the aquarium before you could. He is still very little. If you wait even just 6 months, his pleasure at going there will still be there just like it was the first time. Beside, if he doesn't really want to go there anyway, would you really enjoy taking him?

YABU to think that a day ahead isn't enough notice. Unless you had something planned and had to cancel for them, then a day before is plenty of time. You might want to be a bit more flexible there.

YWBU to think that it was actually a way to have a go at you and imposing their choices on you. See the smug look from youR SIL
Maybe you need to have a look again at what you are happy for them to do or not with your ds.

Benedikte2 · 29/12/2016 13:33

I don't get all this "you've had 2 years to take DS why didn't you"
Child is only 3 and only now a reasonable age to take to an aquarium. What's the point of taking a 1 or 2 yo?
I don't think you're BU OP. Family knew this was on your to do list and decided to be one up on you. If they want to take him out again tell them they take him to the agreed destination or you'll not permit any further outings.
Good luck

MarjorieSimpson · 29/12/2016 13:35

bauble because of the financial and health situation of the OP, I suspect this trip to the aquarium would be equivalent to the following situation:
I would love to take the dcs to Disneyland Paris but we don't have the money atm. We have been saving for that for the last two years and my MIL has decided to take them next week, just before we were due to go.

A trip to the aquarium might not seem important to YOU but if you don't have the money/car/health to go there (or to do much anyway), then it IS a big thing and it should be respected IMO.

theansweris42 · 29/12/2016 13:37

I think they've been mean.
But I have 2 DS and I second what Mrs Hathaway said.
He won't remember this trip so much in the end.

Try not to let this get to you.

RandomMcRandomer · 29/12/2016 13:39

Assuming you are talking about blue
Planet in Chester.

Blue planet is a ball ache on public transport and my kids found it very boring. I was so excited to take them and they were really meh about it. I would just let them take him and plan a better day. Aim for one of the cities. Liverpool have a selection of brilliant museums including the world museum which has dinosaurs. Manchester also has a museum with some dinosaurs but it's a bit further out. Both these options are also free.

It's a pain but it's done so rise above it and if you don't want it to happen again say no when they ask to take him.

Bauble16 · 29/12/2016 15:02

Marjorie it's not the same at all. Parents that can't drive still take their children places, we are low income yet both manage it. The op hadn't saved to go or even planned it. I would understand if she had and expressed her wishes and they undermined her. People should do what's best for their kids, not what makes them happiest. Op what would your son have done had he not gone?!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 29/12/2016 15:04

YABU you've had 2 years to take him to the aquariam get your act together.

PotteringAlong · 29/12/2016 15:11

But you said yourself he didn't want to go anyway. You're moaning because you didn't get to take your son somewhere he didn't want to go to? Just take him to see the dinosaurs and have a lovely day.

JustSpeakSense · 29/12/2016 15:31

YABU and making this all about you.

You are very lucky to have family that are willing to spend time & money on your DS, you sound like a jealous child.

AmysTiara · 29/12/2016 15:39

Metallicnails- what a unnecessary, spiteful comment. Ffs.

Op blue planet isn't very good and well overpriced. Take your son to see the dinosaurs in the museum and he'll have a much better time.

Charley50 · 29/12/2016 15:42

Cor blimey, can't you just think 'great the grandparents are taking DS out for the day!!' And enjoy having a child-free day to yourself?

Bit stoopid of GM to lie about where they're going, but you can explain that to DS later.

Megatherium · 29/12/2016 15:57

I wouldn't worry about it - at this age he's not going to get that much out of the visit or remember it, so you could take him in a year's time and he will enjoy it more. Try to arrange the dinosaur visit which is, after all, what he really wants to do.

diddl · 29/12/2016 16:00

" mil is pretty much universally regarded as a total bitch by everyone I know including dp. "

But not too much of a bitch to take her GS out?

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 17:10

stroking a stingray

I did this as a grin woman of 40+.

It was thrilling! They have a smile.

(No - not like a shark has a smile - they have a friendly smile)

HappyFlappy · 29/12/2016 17:11

*grown, not grin

buggeringhellfckpigdamnwnk autocorrect

Original poster
Losgunna · 29/12/2016 18:48

Yes Blue planet in Chester.

Because public transport there is a ball ache we would need to get a taxi (not cheap, we live just outside Liverpool)

Going in a car to the museum is about 45 minutes, much closer than the aquarium.

Anyway ds is back now and been fed and watered.

He was frightened of the aquarium, didn't care about most of the fish and only wanted to play in the (closed) outdoor park opposite.

They ended up taking him to a soft play (as was originally suggested by dp)

He is much braver with things like the dark (which is what he was scared of) when he is with me or dp so if at least one of us had been there he probably would have been fine.

MarjorieSimpson the Disney land Paris example is spot on.

And why would it be strange wanting to take him the same week as us? Sil is home from Cornwall for Christmas and we have a few extra pennies, both Christmas related.

OP posts:
notrocketscience · 29/12/2016 22:27

When he is bigger have a day at the Crocky trail which is near Chester. Take a picnic and some friends, even a dog and I promise you they will have such a fabulous time. Wear old clothes!

danadas · 29/12/2016 22:32

Blue Planet is hugely overpriced and a bit shit. 1.5 hours max so I think you have got the better deal - take him to the zoo. Full day and there is an aquarium in there.