To tell fil that I hate casual personal contact.

[Rabidu]

So back story, been with my Dh for 10 years, never really got past the polite conversation with the il's. They are perfectly nice people, I just find them incredibly dull and irritating. They tend to ignore me why I try to make conversation so I feel the feeling is mutual.
So when we visit I tend to do most of the 'behind the scenes stuff' putting kids down for naps, sorting rooms out etc so they can enjoy their ds and dgc.
My issue is that fil is a bit lurky, you'l b making tea an he'l be stood very close behind me, an this morning as I'm making the children's breakfast he walks in puts his arm around me an kisses my cheek.- not in a 'making a pass way ', just being nice. I hate unnecessary personal contact an tensed up the minute he did it. This isn't a new thing, I thing they are just being more annoying than usual so the thought of them touching me is even worse!
They always do hugs and kisses when meeting and leaving and it makes my skin crawl.
My question is, is it too late to casually say please don't touch me? Or aibu?

Apologies for poor grammar, I'm typing this while pretending to pack!

What a weird post raffles. Because she doesn't like hugging and kissing she's stuck up ?

Are women not allowed to have any views or feelings about their own body?

Do you let anyone touch you how they want ?

I can cope with hugs kisses as we arrive/ leave. As that's usually the only contact we have. They are not overly touchy normally.
Wolfie-We've always done that I go off an do busy stuff when we're here, it seems to suit everyone. I struggle to maintain awkward conversation and quite often they aren't listening when I try.

I see, so finding anyone dull and irritating makes you a snob ?

Is she not allowed opinions either, even ones she keeps to herself ?

You haven't answerwd my question about why she's not allowed to have boundaries about her own body .

When we first got together I made one or two jokes about not being a hugger, but hugs and kisses continued on arrival / departure. We didn't see them very often so I ut up with it. Since having children we obviously see them more, as they are nice people an good gp's. I just don't click with them.
Raffles -I in no way think I'm better than them, we just don't have a very close relationship. I think your right about him making an attempt to build a closer relationship, but in a horribly awkward way.

He's just shouted at my son, over me when I was telling him off for throwing toys so I think I have bigger issues!!! Il speak to dp about that before the boundary issues!
Thanks for the advice ladies.

While some families routinely do kisses on arrival and departure, other unsolicited gestures of affection are less usual. Most people just pick up on whether such attention is welcome or not. For example if a woman doesn't reciprocate or initiate any hugs herself - and actively tries to go elsewhere at times which are 'touch-feely' -you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work out this is really not her thing. And yet some men will persist. I think they believe they can get away with it, because - after all - they're just 'being friendly.' Aren't they?

Oh I feel your pain - I hate it when family members do it, I have a select group of friends who can hug me without me wanting to lash out/vomit

Just tell him you're not a touchy feely type so if he could please refrain, you would appreciate it.

Also Rachel- on the lips??! That's not acceptable at all. You definitely need to put a stop to that!

Not me, I was quoting a pp.

It's me that has the 'on the lips' issue (sorry to hijack thread)
My FIL is in his 80s. He comes towards me as if to hug (ok), I return the hug and turn my face to kiss cheek-to-cheek (ok-ish), but he always turns towards me and kisses my face. By this time he's usually holding my shoulders so it's a bit tricky to step away.

He doesn't mean anything sinister, I'm sure of that, he just isn't used to social kissing. It's a bit grim though. And usually a bit wet. And unpleasant. If DH turns out like that I will LTB :)

f you hug people for 20 years then wake up one day and decide you dont want to be touched - that's ok. You have absolutely no obligation to allow people to touch and kiss you because they must not be made to feel bad.

^^ Absolutely THIS.

However, if you feel too uncomfortable, you could parse it more as, "FIL, I really should have mentioned it sooner, so please don't worry/feel bad etc but I'm really not much of a natural hugger."

You emphatically shouldn't feel the need to apologise/be all British about it, but it's an approach if you're worried about coming off as rude.

at lip kissing! wtf

Lip kissing?! Come on!

DH'a grandfather, nearly 100, is an awful dribbler and has a habit of kissing me on the lips

I very quickly learned how to whip my head round and offer my cheek, to avoid gagging.

Can you use some sort of diversionary tactic?

It's worth remembering that grooming/sexual abuse happens because people have accepted one level of touch - and then don't feel able to complain because further touching makes them feel uncomfortable. After all, they've (appeared to) accept the first lot of touches, so they might as well just put up and shut up....

Can you use some sort of diversionary tactic?

I try, believe me. He just seems to have this idea that a kiss on the lips is the correct way to say goodbye. So if I turn my head and he gets my cheek, he just continues to lean in.

DH thinks it's hilarious which doesn't really help