AIBU DH off over Christmas

[Brighteyes27]

AIBU to be peed off with DH. Both off over Christmas until 1st week in Jan. He finished work a day before me I normally work 2.5 days a week and he works FT. As he is off he likes to stay in bed until as late as poss 11am or similar. I can't get hoovered up and get on when he is in bed. I have an underactive thyroid and other health conditions so I am better on a morning lying in bed does me no favours and I feel more tired as the day goes on. I wake up early have breakfast, feed dog, put recycling out, empty dishwasher, empty wash put a wash on fold things from tumbler, do a general tidy etc etc. Whilst he lays on when he gets up he sits around puts tv shows on from 10/20 years ago. Sits around for ages and gets on my nerves. Eventually asks what I want to do today about 1/2pm when the answer feels like throttling him. We go for a walk or go into town as little time to do much else, come home and he puts more drivel on TV (Star Trek, columbi, poirot, Jonathon Creek an old war film etc). I am so bored and cheesed off with him. DC's older see friends occasionally but happy on phones. He thinks he's being perfectly reasonable. I am so fed up. I have told him how I feel and just took off in car to get away from him and the house.

It really depends. Why does he get to choose what's on TV all the time? If you planned something that required an earlier start once in a while would he be happy to get up and join in? Sounds like you have mismatched timetables and interests, is the real issue that he always expects to get his way and his preferences get first priority?

I work long hours and I'm having my first proper break in ages. The first couple of days I have struggled to get out of bed before 11am (normally up at 6.20am when working). It's like I've been hit by an accumulated wave of tiredness. I got up at 10.30ish today, we've been out for a good walk and I am already struggling to stay awake.

Have a good cuddle while he's vegging out, contact can help relax you both.

The kids are old enough to put the hoover round too.

Mrsmadeevans yes I am and this may be a contributing factor I feel up and down. One minute we are out walking the dog and holding hands and I love him and it's like being carefree before the kids came along. The next I hate him and feel it's like living with a lazy pensioner. Mind you he probably thinks the same of me some days and afternoons. I am also on watch and wait for another worrying health condition which can get me down at times but usually only just before hospital appointments.

Not in the same position as you exactly op but I can sympathise as I'm like you and pike to get things done / be up and active whereas DH will always have a lie in and will be happy watching films all day. Sounds like you need to reconnect - can you make some time during the holiday to just spend some time together in neutral territory, eg a pub or cafe or restaurant? You need to relax a bit and let go of the tension you're building up - so easy when you're all at home together and winding each other up! Maybe decide that tomorrow you're also going to lie in (assuming the dc can take care of their own breakfast etc), live at his pace for the day and just relax, forget about household tasks and so on. It'll all be there the next day and maybe if you spend the day doing the same things as your DH you'll see things from his point of view as well as getting to spend a bit more time just relaxing together?

I think maybe you have a few issues that are stressing you out and it's all coming out in one direction (at your DH and your relationship).
I think, if it were me, I would think the real issue here is you are stressed regarding your routine and health issues and you would benefit from some extra support from your DH.
The only person you can talk to about this is your DH. Tell him how you feel and ask him to help you with this. Maybe if he could get up with you this week and just spend some time with you in the morning.
Meet him halfway, plan a morning doing something that isn't sleeping or ruddy hoovering. Have a relax together.

Sounds like you just have opposite personalities - you see holiday from work as time to get caught up on house stuff and doing "recreational activities" you normally don't have time/energy for when you're working; your DP sees holiday from work as down time to just rest and do nothing and chill.

Also if he's usually working FT then I guess he doesn't usually get chance to have a lie in and literally just do nothing, so since it's his holiday, why would he want to get up early if there are no real plans for the day beyond housework, that in his opinion, doesn't need to be done daily? It's one thing if you had plans and you're saying "Hey, you need to be up and ready for X time because we're going to do Y activity" and another to say "You should get up at X because I think you should be up ... what do you want to do now you're up ... nothing? Oh right"

This is like when I used to teach abroad and come home for the holidays, I'd come and stay with my parents and my mum is like you - always on the go, up early etc - and hated that I would lie in till 11, then do nothing all day, go out for a couple of hours in the evening and then stay up late chatting to friends ... but for her, she was thinking "I still have to get on with my daily life tasks, no work = more time to do it/time to do deep cleaning rather than just surface cleaning, why isn't she also wanting to get up early and make the most of the day?" and I was thinking "I have 10 days where I don't have to get up at 7am and spend 8hrs with 5&6 yr olds ... and I have no planning/marking/scheduling/organizing/assessments to do - my entire day is mine and I have no plans so I want to get up late, stay in my PJs and watch old tv I can and will."

If you're feeling frustrated about it, why not make some concrete plans for the next few days, rather than just say "get up ... okay what do you want to do?" make a plan for Thursday and tomorrow say "Hey, so on Thursday, I was thinking we could take a walk into town, go have lunch in a cafe or something and then come home and chill out, what do you think?"

i think yabu. Just because you don't like having lie ins doesn't make him lazy for taking that opportunity.

DH things hoovering more than once a week is excessive. We have a big hairy dog and him and the DC trail mud and crumb trails about the house

You sound like you enjoy playing the martyr. Your kids are old enough to hoover so why are they not helping out? Let them all share the hoovering rota between them during the holidays and have a break.

I can understand you wanting to spend more time with him when he's not working, but don't you also have a life of your own?
There's plenty of other things you could be doing while he has a lie in instead if sitting indoors brooding and winding yourself up.

Sounds like cabin fever to me. This week between Christmas and New Year is always a drag. If you still feel like this in a month, worry, but if not put it down to being under each other's feet.

Just feel like I can't wash and dry my hair don't want to put the bedroom light on wake him up etc whilst he's I bed. So I do jobs around the house in my dressing gown till he gets up. My son is an early riser too. I have tried to get them all to muck in and get the jobs done in a quarter of the time but they barely try or make such a rubbish job of it I have to redo it. Have tried to talk about making plans he says he's happy being with me and just relaxing without having any plans. I have said I will try and lie in if you help when you get up but asking for help with anything he calls nagging or whinging and he'"" only do the jobs he seas as a priority like sorting out a cupboard or washing the car etc. Washing clothes, drying them, putting the recycling out, food shopping anything else isn't a priority.

so what, your kids deliberately don't make an effort and you just let them get away with it?

It's basic housework - not rocket science!
Put your foot down with them - perhaps losing pocket money/being grounded might help?

There's no reason why you can't shower/wash your hair/get dressed, just dry your hair in a separate room!

I think you need to chill a bit with the housework and make your own plans to do things - go to the cinema, meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk with the dog. Working FT is exhausting as you get older (I am nearly 50) and your DH is entitled to spend his time off sobbing about if that's what he feels like doing.

YABU. I agree with everyone else.
When you are out at work, for many people time off is a chance to just relax. I don't want to make lots of plans on holidays, and I LOVE being able to lie in now the kids are older. I certainly don't vacuum more than once a week.
Dh, OTOH , is going through a stage when he can't lie in any longer. So he puts his clothes in the bathroom and gets up and dressed without disturbing anyone else. He then goes out and about or does things in the house that doesn't disturb others.
If you are the one in the relationship with the urge to get up and get on with doing things, then do it, but it doesn't mean everyone else has to be the same.

I have said I will try and lie in if you help when you get up

Honstly, lay off the housework, it's the holidays and it doesn't need to be done all day every day! You're basically saying "You can have a lie in if you do work when you get up, and I'll lie here with you probably shifting around and disturbing him from being awake so he's not actually geting the rest he wants until you're ready to get up and clean"

He's even told you, he just wants to chill out and relax with you, not do bloody housework!

Give him a break, full-time work is tiring and he'll be back on the clock soon enough.

You are expressing discontent by your actions, but it doesn't sound as though it's even about your husband, so be careful what you project on him as he sounds quite a contented soul.

He wants me to lie in bed for a cuddle etc

Can't you get your clothes out the night before so you can go and get dressed showered etc when you wake? Doesn't all have to happen in your room

Ok so after your update I think you need some time to learn to relax by yourself - i know money is possibly an issue but what about a massage at a local spa? Or a spa day together if you can afford it?

I think you are using housework to take your mind off your bigger problems but you need to tell DH how you feel and discuss how to reconnect. I think some counselling might help too as you are under quite a bit of stress and need to learn ways of coping that dont impact your family life.

Good luck and I hope your health problems get sorted