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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To donate a load of our Christmas gifts to homestart?

54 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 12:20

It seems ungrateful but oh my god we are drowning under stuff. Normally we don't have this much but everyone seems to have been very generous this year. Also we now have two kids...

Dd (one last week) now has six very similar 'my first dolls', two doll's prams, four wooden pull along toys, three shape sorters, three ring stackers, three of the same leapfrog toys, two push along walkers and loads of bath toys.

Ds (7) has several craft type sets which look lovely but I know he will never use, several duplicate books, some games which look too young for him, two electronic animated cuddly pet things which I know will never come out the box and three small duplicated Lego sets.

I didn't have much for Christmas and what I did have I asked for and the same with dh. I did receive a couple of things which, whilst kind, aren't to my taste so I'd probably take those things too.

We have so much stuff. We are drowning in stuff. It's making me feel edgy and the kids can't see what they have. It seems so ungrateful to take it all down to homestart but if I keep it it will only languish in cupboards for a year or so before the same thing happens anyway and during that time it's all stuff that is taking up space. And we don't have much space. Some of the homestart families struggle for toys, books etc and that's where I'd like to take it.

Aibu? It feels wrong in some ways and right in others! We already had a pre Christmas clear out and I took some stuff then and gave some to charity shops but I wasn't anticipating this amount of gifts. When people had asked what we wanted for dd we'd said clothes in the next size up but understandably people like to give children toys don't they? So she's hardly had any clothes but loads and loads and loads of toys.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 13:43

The Lego sets are small Star Wars vehicles and we now have three the same.

I agree re dd, it's a long way until her next birthday, but the gifts are so similar - albeit lovely - that I can't see her using them all. Three shape sorters, six similar dolls, two prams...

20% of their stuff would equate to two of my gifts which seems fair.
Ds will write thank you letters but we usually just write 'dear x, thank you so much for my lovely present, love x' ds is not good at writing and hates it anyway so this is enough of a challenge! He's thanked people in person / on the phone already. His favourite gifts this year were his sponsored snow leopard and the game silly sausage.

OP posts:
CheerfulMuddler · 27/12/2016 13:50

YADNBU, although I do agree about regifting - we've handed on several of our baby's duplicate presents to other babies.

I might talk to the seven-year-old about where he'd like his toys to go. If he loved the snow leopard, he might rather his toys got donated to the RSPCA charity shop or something - and then you can tell him he's helping look after unwanted dogs or something like that.

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 13:52

I think it's far too soon, people have been kind enough to buy your children a gift but you are deeming it too much or not right so intend on simply giving it away. Even though it's not yours or your money that bought it.

Very different mid year children deciding for themselves during a clear out and understanding where it's going.

When I buy a gift I assume it's going to the child it was meant for, not charity etc. I already won't gift cash or vouchers as parents see it as theirs and now not even toys and crafts are safe.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 13:55

That's what I was worried about Sheldon

Incidentally any money they have goes into their accounts and gift vouchers are used by them (ds) or for them (dd). I dont consider them to be mine at all.

It's just if you could see how much stuff is in my living room...I know it's partly the double gift giving because of dd's birthday. If her birthday was a different time of year it wouldn't be so bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 13:57

It seems bad that we have so much and don't need it all when it might be more useful to someone else.

My daughter, as well as her six dolls, also had four cuddly rabbits. Very very similar. Lovely but where can I put them all? Her nursery isn't huge. It does sound ungrateful but I don't mean it to be.

OP posts:
DoublyTroubly · 27/12/2016 13:58

I would definitely donate things that are actual duplicates (as in are identical so the giver wouldn't be aware). For any similar things I would return / donate the things that you got for the kids rather than the ones bought by someone else. To be honest, things like 2 shape sorter toys are fine if they are completely different to each other x

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2016 14:04

So what has your 7yr old said about it OP?

Does he have any suggestions for a particular charity as a PP suggested?

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 14:05

You can rotate toys, that way there is always something new to play with. We've had it in the past but I'm very grateful people love my children enough to get them a gift and until grown out of I wouldn't have simply given it straight away. True duplicates I put in our present box and bought something different for the child for the same amount. They liked duplicates of dolls etc as they can play more games.

If you do give lots away, you need to tell people no gifts next year so they don't waste their money. If they want to give to charity that's down to them but letting them believe their gift will go to the receiver is wrong.

MatildaTheCat · 27/12/2016 14:08

You are not ungrateful and definitely not mean to be giving your DC things away to those in need. You are the adult. A one year old cannot make an informed decision as to how many dolls she requires. Sometimes childrens' rights can be taken a tad too far.

Just call around and find out which organisations would be most appreciative? I'm guessing refuges and Homestart would be fab.

I think you sound wise and compassionate and not one bit U.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 27/12/2016 14:12

Sheldon or the OP could say nothing and not offend anyone (people get offended by all sorts) and make a child happy. Plenty of children woke up to nothing on Xmas morning.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 27/12/2016 14:19

Oh God, what a spectacular waste of money! All that unwanted stuff! Your poor relatives and friends. I can't help feeling for them.

RhinestoneCowgirl who on earth don't you ask people to stop buying presents for your family if you routinely re-gift stuff? It seems like utter madness.

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 14:20

Common, I don't disagree with charity giving but the OP isn't dontating the gifts she bought or her own money but that of others.

If I want to give to charity I like to do it myself to a charity I support, I don't want to waste money buying gifts where parents simply are going to give them a way. It's a waste of money, the charity would have benefited far more from the cash equivalent.

Therefore the decent thing to do would be to tell people no gifts so they don't waste their money. The OP is happy to give them away so she should at least be honest.

haveacupoftea · 27/12/2016 14:24

It is a lovely idea.

I do hate hearing parents complaining about their children being given too many presents for Christmas though Xmas Hmm friends and family worked hard to get the money and went out and bought those presents. I am so sick of hearing it afater going to all that effort that I gave all the kids in my family £20 in a card this year. Not very exciting for the kids, but thats how it goes.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 27/12/2016 14:24

Its fine for next year to say no gifts or vouchers.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/12/2016 14:24

I think the OP was just after much applause and praise.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 14:34

No not really.

It was more that i feel bad giving things away on one hand because it is someone's hard earned money and carefully chosen gift.
On the other we have so much and we cannot - really really cannot - keep it all.
When asked we had asked for clothes for dd as I said upthread, but she had toys as I think for small children people probably prefer to give toys. Especially for a first birthday.

I wasn't expecting 'applause' and that is an unkind thing to say. The donation to homestart will benefit us as much as them to be honest as we need more room. It's not entirely altruistic although I would be happy to think of someone using the toys / items.

OP posts:
gleam · 27/12/2016 14:34

Always useful to have an extra toy pram and doll for when your friends bring their children round.

hibouhibou · 27/12/2016 14:35

What a lovely idea OP. Good thing the toys are new/in tact. I'm sure the recipients would appreciate something new and shiny instead of something worn and rustySmile

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 14:43

Then donate everything you bought. It's only others money you want to waste. The only gifts of yours you're giving away are things you don't like.

The donations don't benefit the children or the giver.

exercisejunkie · 27/12/2016 14:49

Definitely do this for duplicates, but if you honestly have so much then put some in a cupboard for a rainy day in the holidays when they say "I'm bored" as kids do then whip out a toy they've never seen before!

WaitrosePigeon · 27/12/2016 14:52

I agree with Worra

Obviously you are not being unreasonable Hmm

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2016 14:53

Jesus, all the people saying 'what a lovely idea'

Do none of you ever de-clutter and send it to charity?

It sounds like the idea has only just dawned on you.

OP, have you spoken to your 7yr old about your plans for his Christmas presents?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 27/12/2016 14:55

I would happily ask for no gift, but it's DH's dad usually, so up to him to deal with. It's not a massive amount of stuff, usually just a couple of presents.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/12/2016 15:01

Well they are using the stuff we gave them!
Dd a trike, ds his leopard and games!

OP posts:
Nquartz · 27/12/2016 16:56

Lovely idea, much better than letting it gather dust & get in the way. DD got a few big toys for Christmas so we're going to have a clear out of her old toys to make room, I'm going to have a clear out of clothes too as I got a few new bits for Christmas. The charity shop will get a big bag from us next week.