Other people going into our bedroom

[Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine]

AIBU here? I think I probably am but it drives me mad....

We went to a wedding last weekend and MIL looked after our baby (9 months) for the afternoon. While we were away she did our ironing (mine and DH's stuff, none of baby's, and obviously massively kind!) which was nice to discover when we got home, but, it had all been packed away into our drawers and wardrobe as opposed to being left for us to take up. To my mind, my drawers... and all the things they may contain (ahem)..... are private. In fact, I consider our bedroom as a room to be private. Bearing in mind she wouldn't have known what goes in which drawers, everything would have been opened and I guess it feels a bit invasive. Totally get this wasn't a case of rummaging through our stuff or anything but, I dunno, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'd never go into someone else's bedroom without permission, let alone start opening drawers and stuff? I felt a bit more 'urgh' about it as was utterly horrendous in terms of mess having gotten ready for the wedding in a bit of a hurry around baby-feeding so there was make-up, hair stuff, and clothes/underwear everywhere so I guess I'm also a bit embarrassed, but I didn't think anyone would be seeing it except me and DH.

I'm not sure if it's a familial thing as another of DH's family stayed a few weeks ago and I coincidentally saw them coming OUT of our bedroom asking if I had a hairdryer handy (no asking in advance).......So, is this not just a bit weird, or AIBU?

They're all totally lovely but it feels like a bit of a boundary issue (maybe mine, maybe theirs!) as to me privacy is quite important and our bedroom isn't for 'public' access. DH has no opinion either way, so out of curiosity, AIBU to find this unpleasant?

OP you need a lock on your bedroom door and lock it when any family visits.

I live in a bungalow and our bedroom leads to the garden (weird layout) so in the summer for BBQ's etc people always walk through it (fine) but I wouldn't be happy with people rooting through the drawers/cupboards/bedside table in there. Definitely not being unreasonable.

I have no problems with people coming into and going out of my bedroom when I am not in it. I tell my aupairs that they have to in order to put my clothes back in the wardrobe/drawers and to clean the room.

Random relative of DH went in your room? I'd go crazy! When my parents are here, they wouldn't go in our room, it's just bad form. At their house, however, dm seems to think she can just stroll in even if I ask her not to. I'm an adult and I need privacy!

My MIL does it. I hate it.
She'll do all the washing and then 'put it away' which involves opening drawers and saying 'I'll put these bits in here, you can put them in the right place later' 😒
Just leave them on the bed and I'll put them away properly the first time!
She stayed at ours for a few days recently and I'm still trying to find things...
Even my children know that my room is out of bounds. I mean, they're allowed in but, no toys are allowed to be taken in there to play with. They have the rest of the house for that. None of their friends are allowed in my room if they come over to play.
It's the only space in the whole house where I can get any peace!

Drawer raking definitely out off line. Someone else doing the ironing very welcome though!

If it helps any, when I was 9months pregnant my dh provided my mil with the dirty laundry basket for ironing. I was mortified to realise that she had been very kindly and uncomplainingly ironing our dirty clothes, including underwear for over an hour 😳

I live in a bungalow, guests and visitors can easily wander into our bedroom accidentally. I hate it. It kind of seems there are no boundaries. I have a boudoir sign on my door, but people still seems to think it is a toilet.....

I would be beyond delighted if anyone did my washing let alone ironed it. Putting it away too would make me die of gratitude. Seriously lighten up. She wasn't going through your drawers, she was putting your stuff away

Now how to persuade my DM/MinL to come and do my washing for me..........

YANBU!
Even when I stay over at MILS house, she doesn't come into the room we stay in, even though it's her house! Knocks and asks the question through the door, leaves washing at the door for us etc.

And that's washing she had kindly washed, dried and ironed for us.
I am aware how lucky I am with my MIL, she's great!

My house is all on one floor. It wouldn't bother me. In fact, I'd probably like it because the 'putting away' is the step I never seem to finish.

Boundary issue defo! And also I don't think its necessarily 'nice' to do the ironing here, more an excuse to nose through your drawers. My MIL does this stuff. There's always an excuse. Just think, would you do this 'nice' thing for anyone else you know (including MIL)? I bet you wouldn't dream of it because you know it's seriously weird.

She probably thought she was being extra helpful by putting all your clothes away in the right place, I'm sure she didn't do it just so she could go snooping (because she could have done that without having to do the ironing :P !)

I can understand you felt your privacy was invaded. Personally, I don't mind anyone going into my room but at the same time, I don't think there's any need for any visitors to my room unless they're asked in..

I would not like that, and I would not do that. What I might do with close relative is just go in and out, leaving the laundry folded on the end of the bed.

Horrible, definitely YANBU! I don't at all like people going in my bedroom apart from DD. MIL kept trying to when DD was a newborn and would come in and sit on the bed while I was feeding in a nightdress and completely didn't get why I was so tense about it (but then she does have ASD) - I had to ask DH to ask her to stop doing it and now she constantly refers to me having "banned her from going upstairs"....

I used to be quite shocked as a child when other children came to play and tried to walk into my parents' bedroom. I was always brought up to think of adults' bedrooms as a private space - obviously we ourselves were allowed in our parents' room, but no-one else. I have stayed with some particular close family friends for nearly 30 years on and off since I was a child, and I literally have no idea what their bedroom looks like! I would never dare go in, even now!

I have a friend who is quite a difficult person generally, who used to go into people's upstairs bedrooms and have a nose about when she was going to the loo. I once went upstairs to see whether she was okay as she had been gone so long, and found her in the study reading all the web pages I had open on my computer. I don't see her so much any more, strangely enough....

YADNBU.

I think your MIL has serious boundary issues.

I wouldn't like people going into our bedroom personally. It's not what you do

YANBU

YANBU.

If she had asked beforehand, fine. As in "if I get round to doing a bit of laundry, do you want me to leave it hanging up or put it away?"

But to just do it and then have to open drawers and wardrobes to see where to put things... just no. People have all sorts of thing in drawers and wardrobes, not just clothes and clean underwear!

My bugbear regarding rooms is whenever we have family over who have small children, they go upstairs with our DCs to play. All well and fine but then my mum is very nosy and loves any excuse for a nose around so she'll disappear to "see the DGCs upstairs" and then poke around the bathroom or whatever to see what makeup I've got, if our bedroom is tidy etc. She is the sort who reads mail if you've left it on the side, reads things like Valentines and anniversary cards just to see what DH and I write to each other and comments on how tidy my kitchen drawers are etc. I don't like it, it makes me feel watched.

Also I have found the parents of the small family DCs in our bedroom before now, whilst they were allowing their DCs to play in our room (under our bed etc) unasked. I didn't like that either. Having DCs means that any family member can go upstairs into any room by means of the DCs: "show me your new bedroom poster, DGD!" and off they go for an hour. Makes me twitch!

Mother was staying, and I had to leave her all day to go to work. I KNEW she would go through everything, so I put a hair over the edge of each of the boxes she would snoop in, (to check which ones she investigated), and a note in each saying "fuck off out of my stuff..i will know if you've been snooping". Sure enough, I arrived home to find the hair missing from the top box, and DM with an angelic smile. Not the others, though.

Yanbu, I'd hate that.

It wouldn't bother me if it was my MIL. As I would assume it was genuinely done to be helpful rather than nosey. I suppose I would mind if I thought it was so they could snoop around. Mostly I would just be very very grateful for someone doing my laundry.

I think it's ok to not think is acceptable though... and I wouldn't do it.

i was thinking it was weird that people snoop as I literally don't have any curiosity about what's in my adult DCs drawers etc but then I remembered that my BIL gets bank letters sent to my MILs house and, if I'm being truthful, I would like to see what they are.... he has form for needing to be bailed out, huge credit card bills etc, etc. I don't look but I'd like to

I wouldn't dream of going to my MIL's house and opening drawers. She should afford you the courtesy of respecting your privacy.