To feel hurt that DM got more presents for SIL's child than for her own GC?

[eatsleepfeedrepeat]

Had Christmas celebration with DH's side of the family last week, which my DM was invited to by my sister in law. Me and SIL both have same aged DC. Mum bought a surprisingly generous number of gifts for SIL's DC, but I didnt really think much about it. Roll on today and my own DC have received half as much, despite being her own grandchildren! Have tried to brush it off as she is a very affectionate grandmother, but I can't help feel hurt that she bought more for a child she probably meets at one or two family events a year. But I know it's her money to spend as she wishes, and although we don't go overboard it's not as if my DC have no toys.

So, am I being unreasonable to feel hurt? If not, should I mention it? And if I am being, how can I get over it? Feeling stupidly teary.

Thanks everyone for replying, it's really helpful to see that although it's not great I should just let it go. My mother is not particularly... normal, although her moods and behaviour are less erratic than they were when I was young. I've worked really hard on her having a good relationship with my DC, as we're only a small family and I want them to have a positive relationship and good memories of their grandma. I know I am over sensitive about things like this (because of my own upbringing!) But will keep working on it. I knew she didn't want to spend a lot this year so wasn't expecting loads, it's just me perceiving that she values SILs DC more. Of course it's more likely she was just feeling nervous/ trying to impress them. Will work on letting it go!

If l read this right your sil kindly hosted your dm even though she has no connection with her except through you. Your dm understood the generosity of that invitation and bought her dc a nice gift. Perfect thing to do. Today you are hosting her but she is your mother so it's not the same as she belongs to your family so nor needing to make such an effort. I wouldn't waste one moment on this. It's more important to enjoy your day. What would it be like if your dm rocked up yesterday to a relatively strangers home with a crap present. Today she is among her own so these things don't matter. She sounds OK to me. Don't say anything just have a pleasant day.

June birthday girl, I think you have said it spot on. OP you are being ridiculous and greedy on behalf of your children. Your mother can choose gifts and give them to whomsoever she wants. Instead of sulking, you should teach your children to be grateful.

I completely agree with junebirthdaygirl.

Please don't measure how much your DM values your children by the monetary value of the present. Buying expensive presents is a means to assauge the guilt felt by absent fathers and absent grandparents.

Crikey Crumbs that is harsh. I am pretty sure that OPs mum probably was only trying to appear lady bountiful to some richer relatives and didn't think it through properly but I can completely see where OP is coming from - I do not think she is ridiculous, greedy, sulky or ungrateful... in fact she seems very nice.

Another to agree with junebirthdaygirl

Do adults really work out the cost of items and compare, seeing less spent as meaning less love?

A gift is supposed to make the giver feel good and the receiver happy.

Does it really matter as long as both children liked their gifts?

Someone who worked out the cost of a gift and then decided it wasn't enough wouldn't be getting one again from me.

Thanks for your replies. I know this makes me sound like a spoilt 5 year old and I hate that it has this effect on me. I'm a grown woman who works hard to provide for my children, so I know this shouldn't matter in the slightest. Its just for whatever reason she forgot to make any effort this year for my DC, and I felt hurt on their behalf. I'll get over it! (And have accidentally had a bit of a spending spree in the sales on things they don't really need )

Sheldon if your partner for example spent more on some woman in the office than he did on you, would you honestly not give it a second thought? I would love to be less materialistic and not see gifts as symbolising the value the giver places on the recipient, but clearly I've got a way to go

junebirthdaygirl it's fine to say " I wouldn't waste one moment on this." But the OP already hasa 'wasted' thought on this, some of us can't turn off our emotions at the drop of a hat, I am not saying that it is not sound advice, it is, but it is hard.

However, that is some odd logic re the actual present!

"What would it be like if your dm rocked up yesterday to a relatively strangers home with a crap present. Today she is among her own so these things don't matter."

So the cheaper gift she bought her own grandkids is a crap present? Buying for her own grandkids doesn't matter?

Crumbs "OP you are being ridiculous and greedy on behalf of your children." I think that is a ridiculous statement and not very kind either.

Sheldon "Does it really matter as long as both children liked their gifts?" I don't think it matters much if the kids both liked their gifts but we don't know that.

"Someone who worked out the cost of a gift and then decided it wasn't enough wouldn't be getting one again from me." This is not about a gift to an adult it is a about a gift to a child. The child/ren got the gifts the adult did the working out, which since she purchased some of the items for her mum, means she knows exactly what they cost.

eatsleepfeedrepeat "I know this makes me sound like a spoilt 5 year old and I hate that it has this effect on me. I'm a grown woman who works hard to provide for my children, so I know this shouldn't matter in the slightest."

It does not make you sound spoiled at all.

As you point out if a person's partner bought a random friend who was hosting an event a better gift than his wife it would not go down well, at all. No one would doubt this, but when it is just kids it doesn't seem to matter!

"Its just for whatever reason she forgot to make any effort this year for my DC, and I felt hurt on their behalf. I'll get over it! (And have accidentally had a bit of a spending spree in the sales on things they don't really need blush)" Just tell her or it will eat you up, just be nice about it. She maybe wasn't thinking and if I did this to my dd's kids (she's 12 so a way to go yet!) I would want to know I had upset my dd!

Thanks Italian (but not better than I got my mum )

Yes Italian very well put indeedy.

Thank you Dame.