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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To think I've had the worst Christmas ever?

49 replies

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 21:44

I'm pretty sure this is all going to come under the guise of first world problems but really I just want a rant.

I'm 32, have a partner and it's our first Christmas. We're unfortunately in a LDR and we've decided at present not to tell any friends/family until we decide we definitely have a future. We've been friends for 4 years and dating for seven months now :)

Anyway I live with my Gran. Gran woke up this morning really poorly - had another of her turns. My parents (Dad is her Mum), my Uncle and my sister all didn't call her this morning so had no idea she was sick as she was coming for dinner at my sisters house. Anyway, eventually I got my Dad to call her. Nana went to my sisters, slept through the whole thing and demanded to be taken home which I did. Meaning I missed time with my parents and siblings. So now I've done three separate trips to my sisters house and everyone is texting me asking how Nana is - but not one of them have bothered to call her. Now she's insisting she's going to bed but hasn't gone, I've offered her meals, her medication, everything and she won't have any of it.

I mentioned DP as she's been off with me since yesterday. We had a wonderful time together on Wednesday and today everything is very curt, very to the point almost to rude. I was showing her a picture of me five years ago yesterday - to be told by her never to look like that again as she wouldn't date me. Lovely! I've asked her to FaceTime and she's ignored the question. The rest of the time she is freaking lovely and yesterday and today she's just been so awkward. I don't think she even means it, she's just like this when she's at home with her parents. And I know I know, people go through much worse but I'd been so excited for our first Christmas this year!

I have the most wonderful family and DP and at any other time of the year I wouldn't swap them for anything, but this time of year everything seems to implode on us. So yeah, just a bit of first world problems and a rant really!

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 25/12/2016 22:17

I didn['t understand your post at first but now I think I get most of it. You've just been left to it by your family so you've a right to be a bit annoyed with them. Your Gran does sound very confused. Get her to go to the doctors and someone to go with her to make sure it's not the start of something more serious. Just put this behind you and try to enjoy the rest of your break. But it's cheeky of your family just to assume you'll do everything.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 22:23

For the person who said about DP - it's not that we are going to break up or anything, she's just became a lot more curt and like a stroppy teenager now she's back at home. She does it every month when she goes back to her folks. Whereas I'm around mine all the time so never have the chance to revert to anything! She's back to normal lovely now so I can't complain at all. It's what happens when everything gets on top of you, things that I found funny yesterday aren't today.

I was at the Doctors with her on the 23rd and nothing bad was said, this just came in over Christmas Eve weirdly. She was fine in the morning - by the night throwing up everywhere. I'm not quite sure what medication she's on, she does that all herself as she's an ex nurse so knows more than we all do.

I am however feeling much better just by being able to write my feelings down, so thank you guys. You have no idea how therapeutic it is!

OP posts:

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 25/12/2016 22:25

I'm confused too - are you a man or a lesbian? (Sorry, I don't mean that to be rude!) .. I need context to a post in my very black and white world! I'm sorry you've had a shit Christmas Day , I'm jealous you've got a beach to go and cry on, I've only got the motorway or city centre within walking distance.

Keep smiling, tomorrow is a new day

Graphista · 25/12/2016 22:26

But if she's confused she may not be taking the meds right possibly even overdosing. Somebody else needs to monitor that.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 22:27

Oh, I'm a girl too. But strangely I hate for my life to be defined by that - which is what does happen on occasion!

OP posts:

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 22:30

Graphista - I wouldn't know. I know she takes anti sickness medication and when she's ran out or not taken it it does make her sick all over again. And I know she hasn't had it today. Asked her to take it and she said no as she would throw it back up. I'm pretty sure all other meds are for angina and her asthma. For an 80 year old she's quite healthy- she only retired two years ago!

OP posts:

Miserylovescompany2 · 25/12/2016 22:33

Sounds like a very tough day OP? Then add into the mix lack of support, running around, disagreement with your DP and worrying about your Gran.

I hope you manage to find a little calm for yourself? Today will soon turn into tomorrow and that's another day.

Hopefully your gran will be able to recharge her batteries somewhat.

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 25/12/2016 22:34

That's rotten, I suppose we're all defined by something aren't we ... maybe get some large tattoos in your cheeks! and then you can be the girl with the facial tattoos!! Chin up, give grandma a hug and go for a walk on the beach tomorrow 🌊

twattymctwatterson · 25/12/2016 22:36

There's nothing confusing about the op. Women can have relationships with women. Second Op I've read in a few days where people get all confused about OP referencing their female partner as DP

PeteSwotatoes · 25/12/2016 22:36

Blue, my gran is an ex nurse and the stuff she comes out with is nonsense for the most part! She used to be a nurse but also believes in astrology and won't handle receipts because she thinks they'll give you radiation sickness.

I would be concerned about someone skipping tablets. Stopping and starting can worsen side effects.

JerryFerry · 25/12/2016 22:43

I was confused too, especially the bit about your Dad being your grandmother's mum. But I gather you're feeling rubbish after a tedious and somewhat disappointing Christmas.

Sounds as though your family depend on you to be the grandmother communicator, kind of understandable whether or not right. Are you happy living there?

As for your partner... separate issue no doubt made worse by the circumstances with your own family.

Nothing like Christmas to bring out all the drama. Nearly over now!

Pancakeflipper · 25/12/2016 22:50

I think your DP acts up and is pain when home and pushes you away. I was in a LDR and when he returned home to his parents the first day we'd both be awkward almost spoiling for an argument. An immature way of wanting the other to say "you are ace and wonderful". But going the really hard way about it.

Hope Boxing Day is better and your Gran is ok.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 22:57

Pancake - Exactly right! That happens with us too, we are both incredibly stubborn too but I do know if she senses I'm upset or annoyed she'll be lovely. But we sort of have these stand offs until one of us breaks it and it's fine again. Always when she's with her parents though!

Nana is asleep now anyway, I've helped walk her to bed and stuff and put everything right. Then checking on her every half hour or so but she's fine right now. I plan on speaking with my parents tomorrow to see their thoughts too.

OP posts:

CrazyCavalierLady · 25/12/2016 23:00

With the greatest respect, compared to some of the Christmases I've had and those I've heard about here and IRL, YABU sorry

Psyhke · 25/12/2016 23:03

Is she off with her parents there as they don't know about you or her liking women? Not an excuse but just wondering as I know that that's like also in a relationship with a woman who at the start wasn't out to her parents

I hope your nana gets better soon

NicknameUsed · 25/12/2016 23:16

I wondered about that as well Psyhke. Maybe the partner's parents doesn't know that their daughter prefers women.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 25/12/2016 23:20

Her parents don't know, no. But that doesn't have an effect on us at all, or at least I don't think so! We've had a conversation about telling people but don't see it for a while yet - we like it the way things are and neither of us want to pressure the other to tell anybody as it will breed resentment. We're sensible when it comes to this and don't hide anything from each other.

Anyway, she's back to her regular funny self. We're trying to make up for lost time today, we are all good. Just Nana to worry about now.

OP posts:

Domino20 · 25/12/2016 23:29

It's so lovely of you to take care of your Nana. Please try and do something you enjoy for yourself to relax a bit, music? reading? star gazing?
Merry Christmas

Psyhke · 26/12/2016 00:08

Hmm I dunno, you'd be surprised the pressure it puts you under. We didn't tell anyone for the first six months either, dp a bit longer but I wasn't putting her under pressure either. It's the little white lies you tell can kind of effect you. Plus she's maybe missing you. Glad everything is ok now though.

I hope your nana has a good night's sleep tonight to help her recovery.

ellanutella8 · 26/12/2016 00:14

Not being out to her parents will definitely have an impact on your relationship. She will be unable to phone/face time due to feeling 'watched' and probably won't be able to respond to texts that often as parents will get suspicious.

IME anyway. Couldn't put up with that anymore but have been there. Sympathies.

As for your grandparents and family, tell them they aren't pulling their weight and communicate.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood · 26/12/2016 00:24

My family don't know either, it's a joint decision we both made. She's never had a girlfriend and if/when she wants to tell her friends and family we'll broach it then. We just didn't FaceTime as she's a lazy sod who is still sat with her parents watching a film, we have done plenty of times before at her parents house.

I know, and I really get how it sounds. But not a soul knows me and her are dating other than you guys here! We're happy with it that way and it gives us a chance to get to know each other away from the friendship we had without anyone else's input. I guess we are just different from most in how we want things to be at the moment and take each day as it comes.

But she's been an absolute star this evening, so lovely and encouraging and absolutely there for me. I wouldn't swap her for anyone in the world!

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2016 01:09

Blue sorry it has been a crap day for you.

Your post was not confusing except where you (accidentally) said "My parents (Dad is her Mum)..." instead of presumably "My parents (gran is my dad's mum).

Can I ask if you are staying at your grans rent free etc, like a kind of companion? If so that may explain why all your family are treating you like your gran's nursemaid. If this is not the case, (and even if it is!) think you need to tell them that you spent the whole day worrying about your gran and ferrying her about and no one once asked about you. They should know that their behavior was unacceptable.

Even if you were a paid nursemaid, they should still have considered how you were coping with gran for the day!

By what you are saying about you and your partners relationship it sounds like you are both quite young (or maybe older but dated men before? Nosy faced emotion!). Anyway, I am sure you do not want to be defined as a lesbian but people do tend to assume people are straight unless they say otherwise.

So maybe both your families assume you are straight and not in any relationship. You may feel this is best, and maybe it is for you, but it does mean if any shit hits any fan you have no one who knows you as a couple, or even knows you are in a couple, to go to for support. Please do consider this.

I have no idea but I think if your partner is not out to her family then this is going to make things a bit strained at home for her and she is almost certainly going to off load this strain on to you.

I hope in time you will work out if this is right for you and get the chance to be open about who you love (if you do).

But it may just be you, your partner, or both of you, sense your families have the potential to be hostile to your sexuality/partner and it may be that you are wise to keep this under wraps until you do have the support of accepting friends who can be helpful to you.

I am very sorry if I am conjecturing here!

Psyhke · 26/12/2016 01:41

Daww you guys, that's so sweet what you've just said about her. I completely get that. Dp and I both waited until we were sure about each other before breaking it to our parents, me well before her and we aren't the youngest either (late 30s). I hope everything works out for yous and wish you every happiness Christmas soppiness and prosecco kicking in

KnittedBlanketHoles · 26/12/2016 01:49

Sorry you didn't get to enjoy your Christmas as much as you'd hoped. You sound like a really lovely caring grand daughter though.

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