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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up with the drinking

28 replies

TheExtraGuineaPig · 24/12/2016 22:04

There are a lot of family in my house tonight (and for the next 10 days as everyone lives far away, various divorced combinations and we are the only ones with space for people to stay over ). My brother and BIL are blind drunk, many beers and a bottle of whiskey down so far. They're already alternating between shouting and maudlin. I'm pissed off and hiding from them. DM was upset (had a cry, but she's drunk too) but now she is trying to "join in". This is long running and really, really upsets me. Poor DH is trying to lighten the mood ... I know I need to go back in but I can't bear it. DCs are in bed and I just want a cosy Christmas for them.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really... just so sad and I need the courage to go back in the room where they all are.

OP posts:
HerBluebiro · 24/12/2016 22:06

Why do you need to go back in?

It is gone 10. Kids will be up early. Perfect excuse to leave them to it.

I'm sorry they are being shit guests

Haggisfish · 24/12/2016 22:07

Can't you just hide the booze or just tell them to get the fuck to bed? This would really piss me off but I'd find my voice for my dc sake.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 24/12/2016 22:09

Ugh. Warn them tomorrow that you'll rescind the invitation if they can't moderate themselves.

Original poster
TheExtraGuineaPig · 24/12/2016 22:10

Thank you... you're right, I know. In the past this has happened and I've been mocked for being boring, upright, etc. I would wear it as a badge but I think I'm anything but... I love to stay up late and have a drink but with DB and DPs I'm always scared of them turning. I am not having this again.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 24/12/2016 22:11

Throw them all out tomorrow and enjoy your Christmas!

LindyHemming · 24/12/2016 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickAChew · 24/12/2016 22:15

It's your house and you're well within your rights to tell them all to shut the fuck up before they wake the kids up. You wouldn't be telling them not to have a drink at all while they're staying - just not to get shitfaced and be utter arseholes on it.

And if they can't be reasonable, tell them they can fucking well book themselves a B&B, next time.

YouTheCat · 24/12/2016 22:16

So they'll all be hungover tomorrow? Will they be expecting your kids to wait to open their presents until they surface?

Get through this year and tell them you won't be hosting again. They can go to hotels if they want to come.

Original poster
TheExtraGuineaPig · 24/12/2016 23:08

Bleurgh... horrible family things, my brother lives overseas, has had all sorts of problems with money and depression so I always feel terrible for him and his family, he is a binge alcoholic so I am often rescuing him / putting him up. Maybe I should go nc but I feel terrible. Both my parents (heavy drinkers / alcoholics) would be devastated. Ugh

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 24/12/2016 23:12

He has made his own problems. You can't sort him out.

dangermouseisace · 24/12/2016 23:15

YANBU. It's ok to have a drink or two but getting properly drunk if there are kids about is waaaaay out of order. After behaving like that they can't expect you to host next year. It sounds so stressful, poor you and your family Flowers

CockacidalManiac · 24/12/2016 23:16

The fact that they're all divorced, live miles away and are pissheads = not your fucking problem.
Next year, prioritise your own family and yourself. Let them sort out their own fuck-ups, no martyrdom.

CockacidalManiac · 24/12/2016 23:17

Why are you having to hide from these ridiculous people in your own home?!

MrsJayy · 24/12/2016 23:19

I think you should start clearing up saying kids will be up early and send them to bed also next year don't invite them 10days bugger that,

user1477282676 · 24/12/2016 23:21

I basically stopped seeing my brother entirely for this sort of behaviour OP.

It's disfunctional and I did not want my children growing up around it....I never see or speak to him now as he used to get agressive and shout at people...two years ago, he got pissed at my Mum's on Boxing Day and had a massive, horrible shout at me. So I went no contact.

It's sad but I won't have anything to do with people like that.

user1477282676 · 24/12/2016 23:22

Oh and as for your parents being devestated...tough! My Mum tried to convince me to speak to my brother but I won't. He's a nasty pisshead and I wouldn't put up with it from a friend so I wont' from family either.

I have children and they're NOT going to be exposed to that.

rockingthelook · 24/12/2016 23:25

Gutted for you, I spent many a Christmas married to an alcoholic who ruined every Christmas, thinking back now it was bloody awful, he was lovely without drink, but with....
Think of your children, don't invite anyone next year, their issues, their problems, look after you and yours. Hope all is well tomorrow, thinking of you xx

Original poster
TheExtraGuineaPig · 24/12/2016 23:28

Thank you all... I really appreciate these replies, never needed MN for this before and it's brilliant. I am trying to read / understand about codependency and my own issues around standing up to my family (hard to trust my own evaluation etc etc) ... it's weird because I'm quite confident, outgoing etc etc but this makes me want to curl up in a ball. I know we're not even helping him like this too. I'm in bed now though and Merry Christmas to you all and thanks again xxx

OP posts:
smellyboot · 24/12/2016 23:36

sadly the media portray xmas as lovely perfect family time. for many of us its jsut not quite like that for many reasons. I ignore the rest and concentrate on creating the illusion for for my DC. I am glad when its over

LizzyButton · 24/12/2016 23:41

They can't come to you next year if you have gone away for a Christmas break.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 24/12/2016 23:48

This is what you need to learn and live by:

I did not cause this
I cannot cure this
I cannot control this
I cannot change this

Things will never get better as long as you're enabling the alcoholics in your life. My brother was on a one way trip to the grave until I told him that I wouldn't speak to or be around him if he was drinking. That he was going to have to dig himself out of his own mess and to call me when he was sober. It nearly broke my heart, but now he has 1 yr 8 mos sobriety and is happier than he's been in 30 years.

Get through this Christmas any way you can. Then make a New Years resolution to join Al-Anon and stop enabling and rescuing.

haveacupoftea · 24/12/2016 23:53

They are selfish fucking arseholes. I'd pour all the booze down the sink tomorrow.

Nellyphants · 24/12/2016 23:54

What's been said here & 10 days. 10 days is too long for even the loveliest of guests. Are you expected to host for 10 days. Big smiles & meals on tap? Make this your last year

HopeClearwater · 25/12/2016 00:00

ChristmasCarcass good to hear you took a stand. I second your advice to OP to get to Al-Anon in the new year and find out more about the roles that family members often adopt with drinkers. Do it for your kids as well as yourself, OP. Flowers

wifeyhun · 25/12/2016 00:02

YANBU They should not be acting like such drunken arseholes in your own home. Hope you have a nice Christmas Flowers