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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect a text message reply at least sometimes?

47 replies

tigercub50 · 24/12/2016 19:41

One of my bugbears is people not replying to texts, although exceptions are my Mummy friends as I know how busy they can be & I see them regularly anyway. Men can be culprits but I won't say it's always a male problem. Particularly upsetting is things like Christmas greetings where it would take seconds to send a text back. Any thoughts about texting in general?

OP posts:

lilyb84 · 24/12/2016 20:53

I often receive messages and just forget and then by the time I remember I'm busy with something so forget again or just can't be bothered to reply to be honest. The longer I've had a message the longer it takes me to reply, almost like the relevance decreases with time. I figure if someone really wants to speak they'll call or text again.

Sometimes of course I just don't reply because I don't want to. I think it's a small rebellion against our 24 hour culture

RaspberryOverloadsOnMincePies · 24/12/2016 20:58

YANBU. Texts take seconds to type and send, a response at some point would be considerate. I think it's rude when people don't reply and most people are glued to their phones these days

I respond when it's appropriate. However, I do take issue with those people who expect an instant reply. No, I'm not at your beck and call.

witsender · 24/12/2016 21:01

Am pmsl at "mummy friends" being the busiest people you know.

I often don't see a text for a while. Or may see it when busy so think "I'll reply to that later" then forget because it is marked as read or whatever. Or sometimes it doesn't seem like a message needs a reply, I'm not going to start message ping pong unless I have to.

But I am anti social. I don't answer the door unless I feel like it and have call guardian on the home phone.

stumblymonkey · 24/12/2016 21:10

YABU

'Mummy friends'....whatever the fuck they are...are not the only people in the world that are busy

It's extremely egocentric and demanding to expect people to just drop whatever is going on in their day to reply to you

The whole point of texting is convenience...and that's not just for you but the convenience of the other person

Also I'm very busy and quite often think about texting back when I can't due to work, being out with other people, etc and then forget. I might have texts from several other people to also think about.

RortyCrankle · 24/12/2016 21:19

Problem is solved if you don't send texts like me. I telephone and speak with friends/family, especially if wishing them a Happy Christmas etc. Do people no longer communicate by speech?

GreenRut · 24/12/2016 21:31

It depends on the person. I'm am immediate replier; text, email, never leave a phone call unanswered. It can be slightly irksome when the person I'm contacting is not the same but you can't take it personally. My dh can take WEEKS to reply to a text or email and it's not because of any personal feelings he has about the person, he just not have the same level of urgency in replying. I find it weird but different strokes and all that.

awayinamazda · 24/12/2016 21:32

There are places in my area with no phone reception, so often don't get texts until I go out. I don't think they hang around forever either, so may never be delivered if the recipient is out of range for a long time?
If I wanted a reply, I'd use WhatsApp or email, AND ask a question, otherwise I wouldn't assume one was expected - texts are quick and informal remarks among people I know.

Poole5 · 24/12/2016 21:33

YANBU

It does take just a few seconds. Just good manners

I do object to mummy friends. Do you not have any daddy friends? Maybe they are busy too?

Drquin · 24/12/2016 21:36

YABU to excuse your "mummy friends" on the grounds of them being the only ones who are busy

Otherwise, my general rule of thumb is that texts / emails are sent at your convenience and acknowledged / replied to at mine. If you need immediate answer to something, call me.

camelfinger · 24/12/2016 21:41

Depends on the text. If it's a pretty generic, how are you type text then it can be ages before I respond. And sometimes it's hard to know how to end a text conversation so you keep on and on, which gets tedious. I often decide I want to respond with a thoughtful message when I have a spare moment and that moment doesn't arrive. This used to occur before I became a mummy too!

DailyFail1 · 24/12/2016 21:45

YABNU. If people, like me, who work 60 + hours/week & have kids can reply on the day then so can others. They just choose not to. You're right, it doesn't take much to hammer out a reply. People on here who say otherwise either have no social skills, or are lying & probably reply immediately to some but not others.

HolidaySpiritsReinbeerAndWhine · 24/12/2016 22:03

People on here who say otherwise either have no social skills, or are lying & probably reply immediately to some but not others.

Aren't you a charmer! Text messages are not a Holy Summons, anything actually important and ironically social, would be through a phone call.

HuckfromScandal · 24/12/2016 22:07

I hope to hell your not one of my friends.
Ffs - it's not a fucking summons.
I will answer when I bloody well want to - thanks

AtSea1979 · 24/12/2016 22:08

I wouldn't reply to you if you called me a mummy friend.

ChuckSnowballs · 24/12/2016 22:09

I am not a mummy but am not surgically attached to my phone either.

Anyone demanding immediate attention would get blocked by me. Honestly, this is ridiculous.

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 24/12/2016 22:10

Currently have 8 unopened texts on my phone from the last week. This thread has reminded me I should probably read them but TBH If it's important, someone will phone me.

Original poster

tigercub50 · 24/12/2016 22:25

Blimey, I seem to have rattled a few cages with my phrase "Mummy Friends"! It's just an expression. It basically means friends who have kids at my DDs school, although a few of them have become very good friends, hence I know that their lives are hectic with allsorts of stuff not just kid related. Also in my defence, I don't expect an immediate reply, just think it's good manners to reply in some way. And yes there is the option to phone but guess you don't always necessarily want a proper chat (depends on who you're contacting).

OP posts:

HolidaySpiritsReinbeerAndWhine · 24/12/2016 22:30

although a few of them have become very good friends, hence I know that their lives are hectic with allsorts of stuff not just kid related

Well, if I may be pedantic, that would make them just friends then, as opposed to 'mummy friends^? I would imagine the latter to be covered in bandages - though would explain the inability to text back immediately, due to being mostly unalive....

Original poster

tigercub50 · 24/12/2016 23:26

With one particular person, I wondered if I was texting too much but it averages once a month so that's not the reason for him not responding. I think it affects me a lot more with people I text that I don't see. I fret about it & start to wonder if I have done something wrong. Then again, I worry WAY too much generally & 9 times out of time there was absolutely no need & there was a perfectly good explanation for whatever it was!

OP posts:

jayisforjessica · 25/12/2016 01:07

YANBU to expect some class of a reply, providing the message isn't a generic sort of message that come on, doesn't really warrant a reply. I despise it when people start a conversation with me and then ghost, for example. Then, I'd expect a response.

However.

YABVU to expect an immediate response. The world doesn't revolve around you and your text messages, etc etc, people have stuff going on.

There's a middle ground here. Bob's bad at texting back? Then Bob needs to make an effort to be a little more on to it with regards to responding to messages in no more than a day or so (again, providing it's not a generic message that cannot reasonably require a response). Joe expects an immediate response? Well, Joe needs to remember that no one owes him the immediacy of putting their lives on hold to sit staring at their phone waiting for his message.

Just a little more consideration all round, I think. Sure, Joe has no right to expect that Bob drop everything for him. But I do think Joe has a right to expect SOME contact, if Bob purports to be Joe's friend, etc.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/12/2016 01:10

Loving the idea that only mothers are busy people

Rollonbedtime7pm · 25/12/2016 20:27

I don't think the OP was suggesting that if she sends a txt, the recipient should instantly reply - just that it would be nice to get a bloody reply at some point not 3 years from now

Especially if the conversation is going along the lines of "so, are you free to meet up?"

"Yes I am!"

"Great! Is tomorrow OK?"

"..." tumbleweed and never ever replied to again.

this happens frequently with a friend of mine

Cue the next time we do actually meet - "ooh, not seen you for ages!" Yeah well if you could reply within a fortnight ever it might happen more often!!

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