Would it be unreasonable to leave DH on his own Christmas night?

[cherrycrumblecustard]

Obviously, after the children are in bed?

A friend has texted me and invited me to hers for an hour or so (she is a single mum so can't come to ours) for a catch up, I really want to go. But before I ask DH if it's okay with him I wondered if I'm way off in thinking this is acceptable?

Mine would be glad of the peace!

I would go, and would assume that he would be fine with it. But then, I'm not representative of most people on here. A lot of mumsnetters want to live in their partner's pockets, but I would feel suffocated by that. Most people I know in real life aren't joined at the hip, and wouldn't see this as an issue.

How would you get there? If it's driving, do you want to have to keep off the booze all day?

I'm sure mine would be fine with it. I'm assuming she's had no other adult company all day.

My friend is retrieving my DH from an airport tonight so that my DCs could spend the evening at home, not spending 4+ hours in a car. He and his wife saw a greater good in changing their evening plans. Quality friends are worth their weight in gold

I think it's fine and would be a nice thing to do. Not sure what you mean by Xmas night - Christmas Day night or Christmas Eve, but I think either is fine.

Provided DH is ok with it then why not. You are certainly not BU by asking unless you have special traditions for that time. I think it's a very kind thing to do to visit your friend and something she'll be looking forward to. If you've had to cook etc then it will be a time for you to unwind away from family dynamics.
Hope you can enjoy your visit!

There is no right answer. But, Tbh, I would imagine you would get different responses if you posted that your dh wanted to go to a mates on Christmas night.

Tbh if dh did this I would be happy. But then we always make a point of spending time together Christmas night once the kids are in bed. We have some wine and relax together.

But it depends on how yiu view Christmas night and what you do as a couple. It's reasonable for some people not for others. Neither is wrong or right.

No kids here and DP is off out so I'll be alone. Couldn't give a shit really! Just ask him.

Id go. Your friend is a single mum and will probably need the adult company desperately by xmas day evening. My dh wouldn't care he'd tell me to go have fun.

Just ask and make sure you do it in a way that he really can say no. As this thread shows, different people have different expectations in their relationships, and one person's 'putting each other first' is another's 'co-dependant and cloying', while one person's 'confident enough in our relationship to be independent' is another person's 'cold and distant'. So there aren't any right answers here, but you know your husband best - I think you can trust your instincts on whether he'll find even the suggestion offensive!

I suppose it depends how much time you and DH have to spend with one another over the holidays (e.g. if its his only day off and he wanted to spend it with you) and whether you would have intimate plans normally.

My two closest friends don't organise anything with me on their partner's days off work and will change our plans last minute if their work schedule changes. I find this a bit bizarre. I'm sure I love my husband just as much, though we've been married longer so are perhaps a bit more relaxed about it and we do get most evenings together in the same room whilst doing our own things

So yes, I'm sure some people would think it unreasonable. But not me.

I suppose the other difference is I have a child, so can generally only make arrangements when he's home to look after our child.

Mine wouldn't mind at all. He'd be deep in a book or a complicated crossword and probably wouldn't really notice.

Neither dh or I would mind the other being out. I'd be reluctant to not have any drink on christmas day myself, but if you are fine with that.

I don't really drink so that's not a problem. I don't think he'll like me going but more because he doesn't like my friend than because he'll be heartbroken at being left in alone.

Cherry in light of your other thread part of me wants to say get yourself around to your friends, however. You would be leaving your children with your abusive husband who you said you wouldn't leave them with. Is it safe?

Of course it's safe.

Well spotted Restless, I hadn't connected the two threads. Hope you are okay Cherry and find a way out of the relationship.

I suppose you are doing quite a bit of work trying to work out what is normal in relationships at the moment Cherry. He ought not to be making you feel like you can't have friendships and spend time with friends. But equally, as Restless suggested it isn't necessarily a safe situation to leave him with the children.

It depends on your relationship, how much onus you put on Christmas, and how well your DC settle I suppose.
I think it's nice spending post-Christmas recovery with my DH usually. However, sometimes I want everyone to naff off so I get some time to myself.
Just talk to him and see whether he'd mind this year - he might be grateful for the alone time.

I'm absolutely fine. It's really unfair to link to another thread.

I don't understand why it's unfair to link to another thread, especially when the safety of your children is in question. But I really didn't mean any harm by it, so if I have I apologise.

Restless

Firstly because the safety of my children is not in question

Secondly because you divert the subject of this thread to another one with very personal information, yes technically anybody could search and find me, but you know as well as I do someone mentions another thread and people look, I do myself. That includes DH should he come across this.

Anyway DH is letting me see my friend so all is fine

Going against the grain here (and haven't read the other thread so am just going by this one) but I would be really upset if DP left me alone on Xmas day/night. And I would be sad leaving DP alone too, it would just feel odd.

TBH if it was a friend who was alone (adult wise) on Xmas day, especially with kids (and I was close enough with them to want to go round on Xmas day) I would probably ask them to spend the day with us and sleep over instead.

Cherry I'm really not looking for an argument but you have said that your husband abuses you and that you wouldn't want your children to be left alone with him. I realise this is on another thread but everyone who has access to this has access to that.

I think it's great that you have been able to speak to him about this and I love the fact that you are you are going round. I really hope that this friend is a good support to you.

I was going to ask why not invite your friend and child over to you?