Pissed off...

[pollyglot]

I've always swallowed it down, but this year I'm pissed off. Of my 3 kids (in their 30s, 2 with young families), only my childless daughter ever sends me a card (from overseas) for Christmas. I send a huge hamper of gifts and home baking for the families, (they live 500 miles away), but all I ever get is a text on Christmas day. Even when I became a pensioner and retired after 42 years' working and raising them almost single-handedly, there was no acknowledgement. The in-laws got the full party thing when they became pensioners, and birthday and Christmas presents every year. I have supported one of my sons financially to the point of impoverishing my retirement when he was about to lose his house. They are not well off, but surely a card is not asking too much? Tell me I'm not BU , please.

Your sons and dils are horribly selfish.

For the first time since dd was born mil hasn't come to us, she's been with sil (who is also invited but doesn't like staying in a hotel though pits fine foir us apparently!). We posted a present, card and phoned this morning and will again tomorrow. Because shes an imposed part of our lives.

Hell, my parents are shit and they still get a call and gift.

Where are you op? We are milea from family and would love a grandma closer.

Are the other ones resentful because one son was given a massive sum of money? Either way it sounds really crap. I'm sorry. Perhaps you could be more direct and ask them to come to you, or you go to them, for next Christmas?

You need to tell them.

My dh once forgot his Mum's birthday. She told him how hurt she was and he hasn't forgotten since.

I wouldn't blame the dils, sounds like they remember their own parents. Blaming women for this sort of thing is probably why these men don't think they need to bother with their own Mum.

You need to write and tell your sons how hurt and let down you feel.
Has your Dd ever let them know how awful they are being?

Is it a boy thing? Wouldn't say I'm really close to my parents but I always send them something at Christmas. They sound lazy and uninvolved, it's not really your DILs fault.

Not blaming the DsIL at all...other than that one gets extremely abusive with alcohol, and every Christmas I've had with them has ended up with her screaming and swearing at me. She called my DH (sons' DSF) some unforgivably vile names at a family wedding in front of other guests, and though she apologised when she sobered up, he will now not attend any function when she (and my son, who can be just as bad) have access to alcohol. Apparently I OWED them the money I lent, BTW. The others are fine with it, because I've promised to even it up when I inherit from DM, and they are not jealous or mean.

Adults shouldn't need reminding that it will hurt their family members to not make any effort. I don't buy the arguement that all you need to do is tell them to do it, the very fact that you need to tell them to show they love you on special family occasions is hurtful. No one has that little emotional intelligence, and if they do it is their responsibility.

I'm sorry you feel hurt OP, I would too- a card and some acknowledgement is not too much to expect.