to expect my mum to ask me if it is ok to come round rather than just turning up

[pollyanna]

and if so, how do I tell her?

Mostly (at weekends) she just turns up whenever she wants and then expects a cup of tea etc etc. Yesterday she did at least tell me that she would "probably" pop in today, but she didn't ask me if it was ok, or tell me when and it is starting to piss me off.

dh thinks I am being slightly unreasonable as I will be in anyway (and if I'm not I won't see her) but it irritates me that I don't know if or when she is coming.

Even more annoyingly she has somehow got hold of a spare key, so sometimes i'm not even aware she is here until she is in my kitchen.

How often does she do this?

Tell her you've lost your key and "borrow" hers

I think it would bother me TBH.

Just tell her straight out, that you need to know what time she is coming, and sometimes will be too busy to entertain. And ask her not to use the spare key unless it's an emergency.

Any reasonable person shouldn't be offended by that.

My mum does this all the time... then tuts at me if she catches me on mn!

I'd be annoyed about the key thing. I wouldn't be annoyed about the popping in un-announced. In fact, i wish more of my friends would do it rather than the months-in-advacnce plans we make which makes it all a bit of a drag.

Message withdrawn

It's for this reason that I am glad i live a three hour drive from my mum.I don't think i'ts unreasonable to expect her to ask.

Mine always rings the bell then comes straight in! But she's only done it since my Dad died so I'd feel too mean to tell her to stop.

Next time she shows up, gather up the kids and go straight 'round to hers.

That kind of behaviour just sends me straight to rehab.

kick her in the fanjo.

she does it every weekend at least. whenever she is off work she does it. The key thing does irritate me - once I wasn't in when she came round and she tidied my kitchen . The problem is that I will have to be really tactful as she will get into a mood.

My mum loves having the kids to hers - she picks them up from school 3 days a week when I'm working!

pmsl custardo!

Please answer all AIBU threads with the same phrase.

you need to change the locks.

then do what i mentioned earlier

Get a security chain fitted and have a list of tedious jobs eg ironing for her to do whenever she pops around.
You'll miss her unannounced visits when she's gone.

Where is she from/where do you live?

I ask because this is standard practice in Donegal, and fills my (English) H with horror.

I wouldn't mind this at all.
If im in the middle of doing something when my mum comes and she want's a cup of tea, then she can make herself one and me one for that matter.
She generally doesn't stay for ages, just a quick catch up.
I'd be mortified if she asked me to start phoning first before popping round to hers!

You could just be out rather more than usual for a few weekends and then maybe she'll have to start ringing at least to check whether you're in?

I wouldnt mind the calling in, but I would be pissed with her letting herself in if I was out.

I suppose it depends on your relationship in general.

I wouldn't mind this at all, saying that my mum usually call first to make sure we are in.

I agree with hoolagirl, I'm always calling in at my mum's when i'm out.

ZOMBIE THREAD.

@WayBackWhen07
This was nearly 15years ago.!