To ask what you think when people comment on a pretty face or smile?

[cherrycrumblecustard]

Is this a polite way of calling people fat, do you think? Or am I reading too much into it?

Depends on the way it was said. Some people do have really pretty faces so I can see that being used as a compliment. Some people do say it and it is about weight.

I dont have that problem myself as I have resting bitch face.

eh ?

No. If someone comments on a pretty face or smile, I kind of assume it's because they think you have a pretty face or smile - you are just projecting your own issues with the massive jump to the fact you think it is a comment on your weight. It would have nothing, whatsoever to do with a person being fat or thin or any other size. What an odd way to receive a compliment

I've been told I have a nice smile and a pretty face, and I'm not overweight. I've told people they have a nice smile. I've never said that because of anything to do with their size. Op, I think if you get told a lot that you have a nice smile and a pretty face, it's probably because you do have those things. I don't think people are meaning anything more than that.

well I've been told I have a lovely smile a few times lately (work in hospitality and have to smile a LOT when sometimes I want to cry really overworked understaffed) but I'm size 6-8 and 5'6 so I don't think they are saying I'm fat tbh.....

I think I would find it exhausting if I had a friend or relative who turned every well meant comment/compliment into an issue about their weight.

Actually I think they'd make me feel so uncomfortable that I'd avoid speaking to them at all, other than to give a friendly nod or 'hello'.

And even then they might think "Oh she doesn't want to be seen talking to me in public, because I'm fat"?!

Or they might not think that - I don't know

Meanwhile, back in the real world where I don't actually give a shit about their weight. I'd just be watching every word and life is too short for that.

Totally agree with worra

Oh dear, I've often told people they look well, when what I meant by it was: 'you look well'.

Healthy, glowing, rested, good.

I had no idea they were taking it has a back-handed euphemism.

People always tell me I've got a nice smile - I don't think I'm fat? Well I am wobbly without my clothes on but I'm not overweight!
I've never thought about it meaning I'm fat? People never say I look well though unless they see me on a rare occasion with hair done and makeup on!!

I get what OP is saying. Whilst many people probably do say these things as a genuine compliment, it would be incorrect in my experience to dismiss the fact that others DO pick something specific because they want to be nice to you but are internally acknowledging that the receiver of the compliment is overweight. My sister and I are practically identical facially (bar my father cheeks and double chin) but she is 8 stone wet through and gets told how stunning and beautiful she is (fair play she rocks a body con dress) and I get told how pretty my smile is and how well I look. I couldn't really care less because I like me and DH likes how I look but it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.

"Spare Tyre" put out some cassettes of hilarious, and poignant, songs in the '80s. One of those cassettes I think it was called "Eat It, If You Want To" had an entire song about how the phrase "she's got such a pretty face" was what people said about fat girls. I can't find an online link to the song or the lyrics, but I do remember the chorus:

"That's the older one, standing in the corner,
Stuffing in the chocolate cake -- dreadful disgrace!
Cindy's the pretty one; Sandy's the fat one.
It's such a pity -- she's got such a pretty face."

Now I want to go dig out my cassette player and listen to the whole song. Yes I still have a cassette player. And a shelf full of 25-year-old cassettes. Don't judge meeee

Nobody ever tells me I look well/pretty etc. I noticed that as a teenager. They'd say it to my friends but I'd get, that's a pretty dress you're wearing or some such. Compliments about my clothes rather than appearance. I accepted I must be a munter, albeit a well dressed one, fairly early on.

Having said that, you seem a bit paranoid about your weight, OP. Life must be rather trying when you interpret every ompliment as meaning the sayer thinks you're fat.

I don't think anyone has ever said to a size 8 woman "you've got a pretty face

Worra, that's not really what I'm saying. Obviously, different opinions are welcome. What is frustrating is your insistence that you know what people I know mean when in fact, in this instance, you are wrong. I am sure 'you look well" can be said without negative connotations but in fact here it is generally said to mean 'you've put on weight.'

It also,doesn't bother me especially but after three separate people yesterday commented I started a thread. I didn't say I was rocking sobbing in the corner, did I?

I'm tiny and young-looking with Celtic colouring so I have a tendency to look a bit not well if I'm not made up. If anyone says "you're looking well" I take it as "glad to see you've rediscovered bronzer, you looked like five kinds of shit last time I saw you"

I tell people that they look well if they look well. If has no bearing on weight at all & is more a reflection on whether someone is looking rested, in good health etc. I would never intend it as a backhanded compliment. I have absolutely no time at all for this sort of nonsense. If people have friends who mean it as an insult then they should get better friends.

For what it's worth I've always been slim & get told I look well, I'm pretty, I have nice eyes. I would never think this was in fact a back handed compliment because I have good self esteem.

I am fat and not very pretty. I can brush up OK but I never really learnt make up skills so don't wear it on a daily basis.

So I'm not someone who is going to get a lot of compliments. I think I have a nice smile as people do comment on it. People who have no need to (so not flirtatious or who want something). I also have gorgeous eyes but hide them behind glasses.

People who say you have a lovely smile to me do not secretly mean 'you are fat' when they say it, but because I am fat (and not beautiful) I am unlikely to ever get 'you are pretty/beautiful'

Some people do mean 'such a pretty face' in a sad or pitying way. But usually when talking about someone not to them.

On a day to day basis, if someone is either taken by you enough or cares about you enough to give you a compliment then you should take it as a compliment. Don't let your own poor self esteem get in the way and go looking for the negative connotations.

You have a pretty face. Be glad of it. Some of us don't even have that. (But do have killer smiles)

Oh and generally 'you look well' means 'have you lost weight?' Based on when I get that particular comment. Seems to coincide with after a holiday (as before it I look haggard and stressed -as I am) or after I have last half a stone or so (yo-yo dieter here)

"Oh dear, I've often told people they look well, when what I meant by it was: 'you look well'.

Healthy, glowing, rested, good.

I had no idea they were taking it has a back-handed euphemism."

This! I'm mortified to think I've been merrily wandering around hurting feelings when I literally meant what Dowager said.

As someone whose doctor previously (accurately) described them as "enormous", but who now veers between healthy and healthy+ (now there's a euphemism I like )...there's a world of difference in how people speak to you and treat you generally when you're fat, even when they're being kind. Whether it's meant that way or not, "you've got a pretty face" sounds as if it's saying "the rest of you isn't pretty".

Flipping it round, once our manager said to his PA (meaning it as a high compliment), from the neck down you're a very beautiful woman.