Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think that it is sometimes impossible to get over someone?

38 replies

Therealbridgetjones · 21/12/2016 20:07

Earlier this year, after a very difficult break up, I started dating a wonderful man. He is incredibly good looking (just my type), funny, interesting, well travelled, huge circle of friends and in a very good career.

We dated for around 6 months until our work took us both in separate directions and we called it a day. We still met up on a few occasions but he is now abroad.

We last saw each other in November. I have since moved to a new city.

I'm massively struggling to get over him. I know there is no chance of us getting back together either and he has moved on (not with someone else but mentally I think he has drawn a line under things).

I think about him practically every minute of the day and how he used to make me feel, what we used to do, replaying memories. I want to believe I will move on but I just turned 27 and it seems all the men my age or older want young girlfriends. My friends agree that I won't find another man like him and it all just feels so hopeless.

AIBU to think that I genuinely will never meet someone else that matches up to this guy, and that it sometimes genuinely is impossible to find anyone else?

OP posts:

ILikeyourHairyHands · 21/12/2016 20:53

I think we've all been there, mine was in my early 20's, I was utterly broken with it for a long time, consumed by it, no man measured up, no man would ever measure up.

Then I met my DH (there was a short-term interim husband, we don't talk about him). Now I look back at the man who broke my heart and shrug, we're FB friends and he occasionally pops up on my feed and I think really?

There will be more men, there will be better men, but yep, it completely sucks at the time, I don't think anything has ever hurt me so much, but it really is nothing now.

Listen to Saucy, she speaks sense!

Original poster

Therealbridgetjones · 21/12/2016 20:57

I've been through lots of break ups and I've always been able to at least find some negatives about my ex but I am really struggling with this guy - he actually does almost have it all.

Which is making it all much harder!

OP posts:

KatieScarlett · 21/12/2016 21:02

Mine was almost perfect too. Then I met DH, who is perfect for me.

stolemyusername · 21/12/2016 21:02

I had a 'one that got away', then I found him a few years ago on Facebook and he's actually an absolute arse, I'm disappointed I found him as the reality really ruined the dream.

I met my now DH 10 years ago, we separated for a while after a year and I actually experienced heart break for the first time and time apart made us realise that we were supposed to be together. He might be the one for you and not realise it yet, but it's equally possible that you're missing out on someone amazing while you're waiting. You're only 27, get out there and meet new people

eurochick · 21/12/2016 21:05

I have a "one that got away". It took me a good ten years to really move on.

Tinselbelle · 21/12/2016 21:12

I think if you are looking for someone 'like him' then you may be disappointed unfortunately. I've been there and luckily I found someone better suited to me - it seemed impossible to conceive such a thought but I've got a better life now, than ever!

Good luck

Trills · 21/12/2016 21:24

It's not impossible, it'll just take some time and effort.

Thinking that it is impossible is just a way to try to get out of making that effort.

Right now you probably don't want to be over him.

A part of you enjoys still thinking about him in that way, so you don't choose to move away from it.

wasonthelist · 21/12/2016 21:28

and it seems all the men my age or older want young girlfriends. Trust me, it only looks that way.

SSYMONDS · 21/12/2016 21:40

For me, a feeling like that is so rare, it's worth fighting for. I really believe that love is the biggest thing, I would move anywhere or change any plan for it. I felt like that about my husband - we had some very difficult barriers and it was v hard, but it never occoured to me to give up. V happilily married still now, nearly 20 years later.

dollydaydream114 · 21/12/2016 21:59

Wait, you only split up with him earlier this year? That's no time at all, really. Just because you're not over him within a matter of months it doesn't mean you never will be.

I have been in your position and it's horrible and very difficult and it can take a long time. But you will, one day, almost certainly be over this man, and you will meet someone else.

I was absolutely distraught and devastated by an unbearably painful break-up when I was 21. It took me a very, very long time to feel even functional again, and it took years (years which included two other relationships) before I could honestly say I was 'over' that man ... and that was when I met my DP and realised he was a million times the man that my ex ever was. And now DP and I have been together for 14 years.

I deeply sympathise with you, but it is still very early days for you and you will, one day, feel better.

Original poster

Therealbridgetjones · 21/12/2016 22:32

Ssymonds that would be great if he wanted the same but to honest I don't think he does and I am not prepared to 'fight' for someone who down the line would not do the same for me. It's tough to accept but we are not completely on the same page.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 21/12/2016 23:29

I've been through lots of break ups and I've always been able to at least find some negatives about my ex but I am really struggling with this guy - he actually does almost have it all.

His greatest negative, which dwarfs all his good qualities, is he does not love you enough to fight for you. He is therefore not worth wasting your time over. You deserve that from another man.

Sorry for the cliche, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. NEXT!

SSYMONDS · 22/12/2016 05:15

I see. That must be really painful - but if that really is how he feels, he's not who you need. It sounds like you're being really realistic, which must be hard - but as others have said, once you've had time, you may realise that he wasn't actually right for you? You sound great by the way - I hope you're okay.

Flip

1 2