To think my awkwardness is ruining friendships for my dc?

[Jurassicbaby]

The situation is, I've got a 9 year old son, and he virtually never socialises outside of school.

I haven't got many friends, I've got a couple with dc the same age and we meet up occasionally. The one friend has pretty much stopped contacting me and stopped inviting my ds to her sons parties.

I've invited a couple of his school friends over but the invitation was never reciprocated. I've also dropped loads of hints such as saying we will have to meet up over the holidays, or offering to give their child a lift to a party, stuff like that.

I try my best to speak with the other parents but sometimes feel I get frozen out of conversations. I know the other children and parents meet up outside school but ds is never invited. It's heartbreaking because ds constantly asks. Other parents were initially friendly to me but over the years have become less so. Like no one ever approaches me and I almost feel some turn their backs when I approach them or will start whispering.

Ds was at a party recently and the mum joked that her child had wanted to invite another child but that they never turn up so invited mine.

I take ds to loads of out of school activities but he hasn't made any close friends from anything.

I'm not sure what more I can do. I'm quite shy and awkward, ds is the complete opposite and wants to be everyone's friend, so I can only think it's me.

Lovelearning she was an old work colleague so we were never best friends. She's always had lots of friends and been really busy but we would meet every couple of months and do birthday presents and parties. Eventually it just tailed off. We never fell out or anything like that.

To be honest I've hardly got any friends and don't really make friends easily. I'm not sure why, I'm not nasty or bitchy. I don't think. I'm very dull and very shy and people just don't warm to me.

That's why I'm worried that me not having made friends with other mums and dads has hindered ds friendships.

I honestly don't think it works like that. For example, both dh's parents were hugely sociable. He remembers a childhood of parties, being stuck at the pub while his parents had fun with friends, always a house full of people. Yet he is very quiet, very few friends, and very happy with it. His parents social ways have had no bearing on his ability or desire to make friends or be sociable. He is what he is. And your son will be too.

I understand how you must feel but I really don't think any problems that your ds may be having is anything to do with your own friendship situation.

People can be very thoughtless unfortunately. But I wouldn't fret too much as in a couple of years they'll start meeting in the park after school regardless of parental friendships.

FWIW I was in a big friendship group and we often met up for outings or at each others houses. DS now tells me he couldn't stand one of the boys but felt he had to put up with him because I was friends with his DM. Now we meet as parents and our teens met up with whoever they want. It won't be long before your DS can do the same.

I guess if it's not down to my own lack of friendships then perhaps it's down to his, even more worrying.

One thing I have noticed a bit of a theme is that when we do meet up with friends the other children seem to get quite bored.

Examples are when he was younger I took him and a school friend to soft play with another mum. Ds was really happy but the other boy got bored and wanted to go home.

I meet up with another friend and her ds. We take them to the park and the other boy says he's bored, the other boy can also get slightly spiteful such as stealing ds crisps when he'd had his own, 'accidents' at the park.

Also had comments from children about them being bored because our house is too small, our garden is too small, our climbing frame isn't as good as theirs.

I take ds to loads of out of school activities

Jurassicbaby, quality trumps quantity.

Identify an activity that your son has special aptitude for, and focus on that activity.

A like-minded group of friends will never be bored in each other's company.

Also had comments from children about them being bored because our house is too small, our garden is too small, our climbing frame isn't as good as theirs.

Really?! Honestly, I think the problem might be with the other children, they sound a bit spoilt (not sure that's the right word).
Does your son play video games? The only time we've had a problem with a boy being bored at our house was when DS invited someone who usually spent his whole time on video games, so got bored at our house because, at the time, I didn't allow them.

Meant to conclude with, maybe all the other boys are gamers and get bored at soft play or out in the garden? Sad but quite likely to be true ime.