Last minute plans at Xmas

[shakeyospeare]

Possibly bring U but definitely need a sense of perspective.

Have planned a festive Friday with DB and SIL at their house with an early Xmas dinner, activities and exchange of presents as won't see SIL over Xmas. We'll also see her family, who we're pretty close to (I went to uni with SIL and I love seeing her family).

On Xmas eve, I have planned a day at the zoo with DDs and then a Xmas eve treasure hunt. DP is working and won't be finished until late.

We've rowed lots over Xmas planning and trying to accommodate everyone for visits so we can plan stuff together and so I can finish some projects (I freelance) - his family are uninterested unless on their terms so I've organised Xmas with my family and to open presents at MIL's house on Xmas morning.

DP's dad text him yesterday and asked if he could drop DP's youngest sister (10) at ours on Friday and then see us on Saturday afternoon when they pick her up.

I've explained that we have plans, that after asking what everyone wants to do over Xmas and getting no responses, I've made arrangements to suit us.

I'm a bit annoyed that I'm now made out to be the bad guy because we aren't free to suit them or to have their youngest and now DP is accusing me of withholding our DDs from his dad.

For reference, we hardly see his family and I have to do all the running around. DP is working until late on Xmas eve so won't see them.

AIBU or is he/they?

He is! totally!
Why do men happily let you take over everything , then moan when something small doesn't go their way! Totally fucking unreasonable of him. You have plans! that's that. Let him have his strop and ignore it . If you give in he will see he won and act like that more and more
And its laughable he wont even see them! he has no argument there ! What a dickhead

He said, let's just get it out of the way and see them!
No, love, there's no let's in it - you'll be in bloody work
It's been one thing after another. His mum is unhappy we're not having dinner at hers but she also ignores the fact the youngest is dairy intolerant and so I also don't eat dairy (breastfeeding). To make it worse, I'm veggie and she used to cook my roasties in goose fat this year he's going there and we're going to my mum's for our dinner.

Here's hoping there's some better planning involved next time!

Not sure if I follow entirely, but your dp's fil asked if your dp's little sister could stay over and you said it wouldn't be possible because you were going out. What's the problem? Was there any harm in him asking?

No harm in asking. But there wasn't any asking, more an expectation - means they can go out drinking whilst I have the two 10 year olds and our youngest - which normally would be okay.

It's just frustrating that they've booked the hotel and made plans before actually talking to us and now I either rearrange things we've been looking forward to, to accommodate them (despite trying to make plans from the beginning of December with them!) or I come across as "withholding" and unfair for not cancelling stuff to see them.

I just think why not check first? Why not actually pick the phone up before booking? DP is now sulking.

I think I am maybe missing something here , but what they are asking is if you can look after their daughter Friday night? Do you not want to take her to the zoo on Saturday, is that the problem?

Can't you just take her with you? I'm not sure I'm getting the big deal. Sure it was a last min request, but is it really major enough to throw your toys out the pram over? If you'd normally have her happily what's the big issue ?

@sonjadog if she stays we won't be going to the zoo - it also means Friday night is cut short - because we'll have to be home to see them and then Saturday FIL and co won't be over until 12/1 and then by the time they go it's 4pm and then it's too late. We can't ask for them to come later and they want to drive back home (they live an hour away).
I think FIL and family are lovely but they are notoriously late for things, they are terrible at planning and I've been proactive and I'm still having to sort things out.
It's just a PITA with timing.

Ah well, in that case, the answer is no. I´m sure there are other people they can ask. Maybe next time they´ve think to check first before booking.

@Bluntness by the time FIL checks out of hotel on Xmas eve, it'll be 11/12 depending on late check out and the usual faffing around (been here before waiting for them). They'll then come to our house and won't leave until late afternoon - as this will be classed as our Xmas visit. Too late to go out then.
Haven't thrown any toys out of the pram - I've been very nice and calm, it's just so bloody annoying having lovely plans and then having to rearrange everything.
I might just say they can drop DP's sister off with him (and he can stay home) and they'll have to pick her up early as we're going out? But then I feel mean.
Urgh.

@sonjadog I always try to make a huge effort and keep everyone happy and I've changed plans in the past for them only to have them cancel.
It's got to be easier to just check first before booking, right? Not only for us to babysit, more for them to visit and actually spend time with us. The babysitting isn't the issue so much - more the general lack of planning.
Next year I'm tempted to book a week away and have no family dramas!

They want you to look after your young sil overnight so they can get pissed, your dh is working and they won't even make Christmas dinner that you can eat?

I hope you laughed heartily when saying no, they sound like total piss takers.

I'd tell so if he is so desperate to spend time with them, he can get last minute holiday from work and look after his sister. I expect at that point his parents needs will become less important, if he is the one who is being put out for them.

It's DP's DM who refuses to acknowledge the dairy issues (despite us being in and out of the GP's and hospital with this). She uses lacto free milk and refuses to accept that it's just as bad...

His mum and dad are divorced so we have two sets to contend with but both sides share the same lack of planning.

However, yup, you're right, they go out on the piss and I babysit whilst DP avoids another visit.