I am 8 weeks pregnant with my third child. I have two DDs, my oldest will be 8.5 when the new baby is born; the youngest will be a couple of months off 5.
This pregnancy was not planned, it’d be hard enough if OH was on board. He isn’t.
He actually doesn’t know, or he just has his head in the sand. He found a positive pregnancy test, what followed was a very brief exchange in which I said I wasn’t sure I believed it, it was an expired test and the line came up after the time limit. This was 3 weeks ago and he hasn’t said any more about it, and neither have I, I just don’t want an argument. I am definitely pregnant, many, many more positives and symptoms have properly kicked in.
I know we have to talk about it, and I keep trying to bring it up, but I haven’t, I think maybe I should wait until after Christmas.
Our first was not planned, he wanted me to get an abortion. We had a horrible few weeks in early pregnancy, then he accepted it and actually said, when she was 6 months old, that he was glad we had her.
Our second was planned, it took a long time for me to convince him to try for another and it then took an even longer time to conceive.
I agreed number two would be our last.
Honesty, I never felt done, and was pretty thrilled when I found I was pregnant, but terrified at the same time, and there’s a strong feeling of dread because I know it’s going to create a horrible tension between us.
He is not a great father. Our relationship is pretty crap, too, mainly due to lack of affection, yet it’s a stable and safe relatoship. Sometimes he can be great with the kids, but more often than not I do most of the parenting, and almost all of the house work.
He told me when we met that he didn’t want kids so I always have that in the back of my mind.
Honestly, we’re both pretty crap parents.
Our 4 year old especially is very difficult. She’s curious and independent, or mischievous and defiant, and very awkward and particular.
We’re not the worst parents, or abusive or neglectful or anything, but I often find myself getting very cross and shouting at them, something I swore I’d never do as my parents were very shouty. I feel like I don’t have enough time to split between the two, and I think I should be and could be a much better mother than I seem to end up being.
Rationally, I think it would probably be sensible and most fair to the rest of the family not to have this baby. My kids would have even less of me, I often feel I can’t cope as it is, I get little help from OH, though he does help a little with story time at bedtimes and occasionally he can be great. My parents live close by and are helpful but I take less help from them than I probably should, but they’d be there if I need them.
I just don’t know. I do not think I can terminate the pregnancy. I do not want to. A week or so ago I had some horrible pains and was terrified I was having a miscarriage, and I find myself worried there'll be bad news at the scan . But I know it would be the sensible thing to do. Yet if I ask myself what I’d do if he were not in the picture, it’d be an easier decision to keep it, even though I’d be a single parent with three kids. Though I often feel like a single parent as it is.
I don’t think I would get over having an abortion and I think I would always resent him for it.
But I don’t know if our relationship could survive a third child and is it fair on our two daughters?