Sister prioritising old neighbour over family at New Year

[RaisinGirls]

Quick AIBU, as DH thinks I am being unreasonable whereas I think I have a legitimate right to be pissed off.

Sister works shifts and despite originally having NYE night off has now been told she has to work. The original plan was we would all go to our parents on 30, stay for NYE and leave evening of 1 Jan. whereas now she is getting there on 29, we get there late afternoon 30 and she leaves morn of 31.

I asked if she could swap shifts to work xmas eve night and she said no as she had an old friend coming to stay. When I pulled her up on this she said oh no it's not fair on my kids, but surely if that was the reason then she would have said that, not that a friend was planning to stay.

Then her husband asks (calling my DH about five minutes after sister puts phone down on me) if we can pick him up on our way to our family as he is going to go out with friends on 29 so won't go up with my sister - this will add on about 1 - 1.5 hour onto the journey. At best the journey would have taken 3.5 hours (plus the detour time) if roads clear but last year it took us 5.5 hours. He could drive himself or get a train.

AIBU to be bloody pissed off that sister won't ask to swap shifts due to old friend visiting and brother in law expecting us to detour to pick him up? DH thinks I have no empathy and shouldn't have had a go at her

You choose friends.

I don't get it still.

She wasn't originally working on either xmas eve or Hogmanay.

She plans old friend for xmas eve and family for hogmany.

Work change shift meaning she now has to work hogmany. She shifts plans so she still sees you all for at least one night.

But you are still annoyed?

This is a friend. She wants to spend time with this friend. She probably also wants time with the kids and to be fresh next morning. It makes no difference if this is just an old neighbour or just a joint friend. A friend none the less

Thanks for that cherry. Really need to be reminded that my family don't choose me

You want her to work a night shift on Christmas eve so she won't have slept before Christmas day? YABU about the shifts but not the lift.

OP I'm going to cut to the chase. Your sister is an adult with her own priorities, preferences and decisions to make. Something you don't seem to realise or understand.

I am aghast that you would expect her to prioritise your schedule over Christmas Eve with her kids and an previously made arrangement with a friend. She has a life of her own! Jesus Christ!

Ehm. Is there more to this, raisin?

Most of us are aware that family are given to us warts and all but usually we love them regardless.

I am sure you will have a great time anyway

And as I said originally, it's that she said she wouldn't swap shifts because a friend was staying that I got upset. If she'd said she couldn't swap shifts because of the kids I would have got it, I just felt really gutted that it was because of a former neighbour that she wouldn't ask to swap shifts.

I realise now IABU but I am still gutted.

I've had a shite year (not going to drip feed as it's not relevant really) and I guess that's clouded my judgement. Or like my husband says I am have no empathy.

YABVVVVVU about swapping her shift, however YANBU about giving her DH a lift.

Seriously...you would have her work Christmas Eve, even though she has children, and off her friend...just because it would suit you? You are nuts!

Why don't you change your plans and go on the 29th then you will have 2 nights with her?

I am sure you have empathy. It sounds like you have placed a lot of value on a special family get together and it isn't coming together as you hoped.

Easy to get blinkered when a bit emotional.

Sorry you've had a shite year...but you must see that you are being quite demanding here.

Leave her alone. She can do what she likes. You may choose to put your extended family above all others but her friends are clearly very very important.

How old are her children?

To be honest, she probably thought that the kids thing would be a given, which is why she didn't mention it. Neighbour was an extra reason. Come on op, can you not see how unreasonable it is. Would you want to work a night shift on Xmas eve?

Why don't you change your plans and go to your parents' on the 29th to accommodate your sister who has to leave early to go to work?

Sorry you have had a bad year. Maybe she has too? There is often stuff going on that we dont know so its best to do the kindest thing, give her the benefit of the doubt and have such a brilliant time at your parents that she will not miss next year!!

Look after yourself x

YABVVVU to ask anyone to work on Christmas eve to fit your personal plans

Of course she thought the kiddie angle was a given. It is a given. No parent would ever opt to work Christmas Eve night unless they absolutely had to. The friend was offered up as further reasoning behind the already obvious no.

She had a plan with you and a plan with her friend. Work has disrupted your plan. Her plan with her friend has not been. Yabu expecting people to swap shifts around again to suit you. Yanbu not to give her dh a lift.

Yanbu to be upset you won't get more time with her but that's how the chips fell.

It's unreasonable of you to expect her to swap shifts. She has children that she wants to be with, and she has plans with friends.

Her husband is taking the piss in asking you to pick him up. He can get a train.

Yabu and selfish.

It's her life, she can choose what she wants to do.

Why don't you go on 29th too?

Yabvu to expect her to change her shift.

Yanbu about the bil lift

Why can't you change your own plans and go a day earlier, so you get more time together? Or is changing plans something only other people do?