To stop DD having a play date with her best friend because I am fed up of her mother...

[kittymamma]

A few months ago I posted about a "friend" who had made a very cheeky request. I was unsure if this was a normal friend thing to do or if she was taking advantage of my good nature. I was told quite clearly, that she was taking the piss. I concluded that I would distance myself, as I was back at work, this was easy to do. However, our DD's are best friends and this friendship has remained despite them being in different classes (Requested by me, unknown to other child's mother)

Since then, she has seriously taken the piss (including inviting me around for a catch-up and a take away and then saying "oh but I have no money so I'll get the next one"). This last 2 weeks have really hitt a head when she:

1. Phoned me to ask if I could take her DD for a little while as her DD father was late collecting her and she had a dinner reservation. I reluctantly said "yes" explaining that it was DS bedtime but if it was only going to be 10 minutes it was fine (It ended being 30 minutes). She then replied with "great, I'm at your front door!"
2. Asked to borrow my DD car seat as her bf had written off his car with her DD car seat in it. I again said yes (We have two as we have 1 per car and were going out together on that day). Her reply - "We're going to London this afternoon so if you could just drop it in my house when you get back - I'll leave the back door open, that would be great as I won't be back till late tonight". My response was that I wasn't leaving my two children alone to drop it in her house, I would leave my porch unlocked that evening and she could collect it from there. She did this, then returned it the following afternoon without knocking on the door to say anything. (Surely the polite thing to say thank you?)
3. Text me to ask me to put her bin out, said I couldn't as I had left already and then she suggesting we arrange a meet up for next week for the girls. I suggested Tuesday and her response was then "I'll have to check my calendar". That was a week ago - she has not replied since.

So my DD informs me that said "friend" and DD's friend may be moving to a town 20 minutes away in the near future, and is quite distressed by this (I actually felt relieved). She says she has no other friends at school. She obviously wants to make the most of this time and see her friend as much as she can. AIBU to refuse to arrange anything else and ignore any future messages from this mother? Does she sound like a total bitch or do I just sound like I'm being over-sensitive? (TMI alert - but I have the implant and am currently having my first period in over 18 months so have been in tears a few times in the last few days so I'm not ruling out the oversensitive possibility)

She sound like an ass but it isn't about her it is about your DD. Let her spend time with her friend.

YABU. Why should your dd and her friend be stopped from playing together because her mum gets on your last nerve. Your dd is very likely going to meet loads of Friends whose mums you don't like. You can't control who they play with.

She's a cheeky bint but if she has redeeming qualities she doesn't sound like a bitch to me. SIunds hard work though and your feeling of relief says it all. If you want to phase her out, do so. You don't need a reason at all.

Re your daughter... I've always tried to impress upon mine the importance of having more than 1 'best' friend as children fall out so often. Can you encourage her to develop a friendship 'circle' instead?

So don't try to control her friendship with the girl, but talk about ways she could make more friends too.

I was afraid you would say that.... But very much suspected I was being unreasonable. I don't have a problem with DD going around but I just don't want to go too (which has always been the way - the girls are age 5 & 6). Perhaps I could blag my way out of it and just send DD...

She sounds like she's really just a take and no give person.

My advice? Treat her as if the DDs are friends but not you.

So ask for DD to come over etc but if she asks for favours just say that's not convenient for me - she'll soon stop asking.

I would be inviting some other girls round so that she has some other friends to play with.

How old is your dd? If young enough just not being available for most meet up requests may do the trick. It's not that mean and if DDS friend grows up to be anything like her mum you'll be doing her a massive favour.

Daisy, I have been trying all year, I suspect she won't until her friend leaves and she is forced to.

It is very frustrating and one of my DDs had a friend with a mother like this, but as others have said, the children's friendship is seperate from yours. Let them see each other and say 'no' to every request from the mother. I do find it odd that you have to go round for a play date as well - kids came to my house and my kids went to their friends houses without parents. It was the whole point, you got a bit of a break!

Also, I have two girls and found it very hard for them to develop a friendship circle in primary school. They both seemed to have an obsession with having just one bestest friend and the relationships were quite intense. I was reassured by a teacher that this is quite common amongst girls at this age. Again, annoying, but something they grew out of.

Don't see why you can't drop and run wiht your DD to theirs, or their DD to you.

If she asks for favors just go really sickly sweet and say "aw hun, I'd love to help but can't, hope you get it sorted"

That sounds like a good way to go Sarcasm, although perhaps I will take them somewhere so that car space is an issue, in case she wishes to tag along (She doesn't drive). Unfortunately, inviting other children around is difficult as I don't make friends easily and, erm, come across as rude and socially awkward. I don't know how to fix this, so I accept it. My DD takes after her father though (I hope) and can make friends in new situations but school is different as friendship groups seem to be established already. Doesn't change the fact that I'm "that mother" who thinks "she is better than us" and "doesn't talk to anyone". It isn't true btw, but these are the comments I hear and well, you know... what can you do... its better if I don't get involved in helping her form groups.

Yanbu, this sounds like someone to avoid. I'd encourage other friendships and let this wither.

I would suggest you smile and say hello a lot to other parents. It is a simple thing that goes a long way... And yes do ask your DD who she would like to ask round to play.

With the BF, can you be cheeky for once and ask if she can play at their house while you run some errands?

Is DD friend likely to be changing schools? I would not take this as fact though at this stage...Conversations like these are often changed as message gets passed down the line..

I would however encourage other friends round for play dates esp if the other child is likely to leave school.

Maybe you explain too much..Sorry ( although an unacceptable word for many on mn) not today, doesn't work for me..

I know how you mean kitty. Although I don't come across rude I do come across as awkward and I'm not the first to make a move to talk to someone.

If you do wish to make friends try chatting online or via text - you don't feel to pressured to be 'normal' that way.

Good luck with MissTakesalot.