ending a relationship by text message

[Meluzyna]

AIBU to think that a three year live-in relationship should only be ended face to face and not by the bloke using the coward's weapon of choice - the text message - and then sending his Mum and Grandma to pick up his kit..... the week before Christmas.
Call me old-fashioned, but 21st Century relationship etiquette amongst the young leaves me baffled and apalled.

The dumpee is my 24 year-old niece, so we will rally round her over the festive season - apart from Grandma (my M-i-L) who thinks that having had a succession of three bed-sharing boyfriends and not having married any of them is shameful. ..... is my reaction similarly old-fashioned and in fact it's just a generation thing?

It tends to be how it's done now. Texting is the new calling and all that. I agree that it's shit though

At least he HAS ended it and not just silently disengaged from her. That would be worse.

Its cowardly, but oh so common. Your MIL is a cow.

What a fucking weasel!!! Actually dumping her in such an awful, awful way is probably to her benefit in the long run as it will help her to move on and realise he was a total Cockwomble, but seriously - what a dick!!

I'm ashamed to admit I did this a few years ago. I'd been going out with a guy for 3 months and he was suffocating. I couldn't face the phone call. I felt really bad.

Yes, it is quite rude. Could his mum and grandma carry all his stuff?

Weatherforecaster: I can understand that more easily - presumably you weren't actually living together, sharing custody of the cat.... but to dump the person you've woken up beside every morning for over three years by text seems to me to be particularly callous.

TaliZorahVasNormandy: re M-i-L: I know - which is why my own offspring are keeping their relationships private - it's her own faut if she rarely sees them as they know there's no point in visiting her with their latest squeeze ... they have learnt this from the way she treats DN.

Nah, it's shitty, rude and cowardly.

Nobody likes ending a relationship, but the decent thing to do is be honest and do it to their face. Over the phone is okay if it's short-term/not serious, but texting? That's for cowards or people who aren't interested after one date, not long-term relationships.

CruCru
" Could his mum and grandma carry all his stuff?"

No idea, maybe they're making several trips - I gather DN was packing it up for them to remove - personally I'd have thrown it out of the window into the street - or at the very least (wouldn't want to hurt any passers-by) dumped it in the communal corridor in bin bags.

It is very unpleasant, especially as he's making his mum and grandma do the awkward bit.

After a few months? Fine. After a few years of living together, really really shitty.

My ex chose to finish with me by text, on my 21st birthday. Talk about happy 21st. It hurt like hell at the time, but now I realise the poor man mustn't of had the guts to do it face to face, so I kind of feel sorry for him in that sense.
Now, nearly 3 years later, I've been married for a year and a half, got a 15 month old little man, and couldn't be happier. So in a strange way, it was the best thing he ever done for me.

at least she can move on and meet someone else rather than being strung along and possibly cheated, it will hurt but at least it wasn't dragged out which is far worse imo

3 months = text msg ok
3 years AND live in = face2face is the only acceptable way (unless abuse etc)

I'm 26 and I don't think it's acceptable to ditch a live in partner through text. Maybe a short term relationship. I do everything through text but not that!

Bless her; I hope she's alright

It's rubbish.

I was dumped by MSN after a 3 year relationship. Coward.

Unacceptable.
I was once dumped via Facebook messenger after 18 months together whilst I was on holiday. Ouch.

That's very kind of you Anchor.
I think she's OK - her parents are only just round the corner and alhough she is an OC she has several cousins nearby of a similar age for support.

Whoops, I've done it.

Although it was a lot more casual than your niece's set up.

Ages ago people would end engagements by letter. I don't see a big difference between a letter and a text message when it comes to being jilted; surely the pain comes from the message not the medium? (And, for the record, McLuhan was an idiot.)

She's well rid of him.

It depends on how it got to that stage.

I know a friend who would have went bat shit crazy at her ex if they had done it face to face.

It's pretty unkind and definitely not on.

Oh and I've done it once by email but he was abusive and I'd reached the end of my tether. To sit down face to face and do it would have resulted in him shouting at me for several hours, swearing, threatening me and then crying and threatening suicide. I felt more if a responsibility towards keeping myself safe at that point than letting him down gently. But we'd been together one year and didn't live together