Its a long story but my DF passed away very suddenly in the spring. It was obviously a really hard time for everyone involved not only his death but not knowing what was wrong with him and having no answers. A lot has happened since, I have had a baby, moved house with a newborn and a toddler. DM who is only in her mid 50s has also sold our family home and moved. This will be our first christmas without my DF who was the linchpin of our family and obviously that alone is enough.
My DB and I have never got on since we became adults. I have tried and tried to help him in various ways from helping him move to helping him take his previous employers to court when he was dismissed. All I want is a good relationship with my brother but as he said in a heated discussion we are 'just not compatible'.
I have repeatedly tried as have the rest of the family to help him and support him when he is on his own (no partner and in his early 30s) since our DF died and he ignores everyone- citing that our family aren't 'intellectual enough' and I haven't achieved anything with my life. He has mental health issues which he acknowledges but refuses to treat them (though he's not scared to use it as an excuse or trump card) and has racked up tens of thousands of pounds in debt which my DM has cleared. He expected to inherit cash from my DF's death (I knew we wouldn't as my dad had shown me his will in the past).
It appears my parents have hid what he was like (though as i had an inkling as my DF used to refer to him as thinking he had a bottomless pit of cash) but he's been really nasty to my DM who just takes it. When he doesn't get what he wants he will refer to my DF "DF wouldn't have wanted this" "You are showing prejudice towards me by preferring my sister". He's done an incredible amount of pretty awful things, stealing my DM's car and taking it over night, telling her that she forgets 'who she is' and makes her take him on days out and pay for everything.
And now Christmas politics have begun. I have invited my DM and my DGM to come to my house. I have the DGC and DM accepted and said that she would love to see the DGC and have lunch with us. She said she'd have to be with DB some of the day so to seem fair and I said that he could come too.
DM has now told me that he said he won't come to mine and thinks that she's 'being prejudiced' against him and treating me as a favourite and because she knows he won't go then she should be being 'neutral' and spending it at her home (where he's told her he is going to come home and stay over christmas) and not seeing us. She has said its her first xmas without her DH and therefore she's doing what she needs to do to be happy and thats seeing her DGC. He replies that he is his fathers only son and she is forgetting his values.
AIBU? He should be letting her do what she needs to do this xmas and if he doesn't want to tag along with her then he should back off? My DA says she can understand where he's coming from.
Am I being selfish because I want her to come to mine or to do what she want? I've told her to tell DB that she's going to Barbados with her new boyfriend to spend 'his fathers money' on rum and coconuts.