To think the school should tackle the effects of porn on teenagers

[TartYvette]

My 14 year old told me recently that the boys in her class are "dirty". I asked did she mean physically and she said no, the way they talk. It makes her uncomfortable. They talk sex and sexually towards the girls constantly. She says they watch porn and talk about what they've watched and then refer to their female classmates in similar terms. My daughter is "frigid" because she has not kissed a boy yet. I am horrified that this is the way it is. That she should feel uncomfortable and deemed worthy of a label because she is not ready for kissing boys yet. She is mature and has a good understanding of sex and what's involved and reads a lot so I'm not at all worried about her development or education but I am worried that she (and other girls) are going into an environment where they are being sexually harassed daily. It wouldn't be tolerated in a workplace. So, do I raise it with the school? Am I being unreasonable in thinking the school have a responsibility in making sure their students feel safe and unmolested while in their care? Or am I over-reacting? Should she just put up and shut up (no, I don't think she should at all) or is this all on me. To make sure she is mature enough not to care about this talk, or how they label her.

My daughters school have been very supportive two boys in her class have been making disgusting comments about her and her best friend ( porn related) I spoke the male head of year. He spoke to the boys and their parents and the issue is covered in pshe. School and me seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet. Its the parents of children who are naive enough to let their children have unlimited access to the internet that are the real issue. The boys who verbally abused my daughter are from a very religiously conservative background. I suspect their parents were horrified, but they are also the same parents who withdrew their children from sex ed in year 5 and 6. Open discussion about these issues combined with age appropriate internet security is vital.

It was like this even years ago. I'm 27 now, and went to an all girls school but still got asked the 'Have you had sex yet?' yes=slut no=frigid thing every single day for a good year or so in year 9.
Funnily enough by year 11 the girls who were doing that before were coming to me to ask for advice because they'd got drunk and something bad had happened, or their boyfriends were pressuring them or whatever.
Staying calm and telling people that my private life was private actually meant that my opinion was respected later on, because I wasn't one of them who'd been running around snogging everyone at 13.

my opinion was respected later on, because I wasn't one of them who'd been running around snogging everyone at 13

Do you see any problem at all with what you just wrote...?

If the boys at school are talking in ways which make your DD feel unsafe at school then this is a pastoral issue. YWDNBU to raise it. However, there is only so much they can do - investigate specific comments and issue consequences, include content on sexual harassment and consent in their PHSE lessons etc. Probably largely what they are doing already. The damage here has been done at home - give 13-14 year olds unsupervised internet access and you can't complain when they look up sex really. I genuinely feel we need to reconsider (as a society) what we have done in making it standard for teens to have smart phones.

What is the TED talk please?

I absolutely think schools should tackle this.

I make sure my DC's do not have access to porn on their phones or at home but I have no doubt they have seen it on friends phones.

I have tried to talk to them about it but it is difficult as they get so embarrassed and it's all so awkward. If it happened at school they would be made to sit and listen and not just go into cringe and avoid mode.

Parental controls don't always cover it btw, children these days are determined and know ways to get round blocks and locate unblocked sites.

Rather than keeping it hidden I think frank discussion about it is the best way. Otherwise off limits = exciting. And even before the internet weren't they just stealing play boys? Porn will always be around.

These boys need to be taught what is appropriate conversation in school, and why this isn't on.

Betty - I'm trying to find it, I watched it in Facebook but I can't find it on the TED website. I'll keep looking.

Here.

The school can certainly tackle the effects of harassment in school itself and attempt to educate pupils through its PSHCE/PD programme.

But the actual monitoring of what kids access online? That's up to parents. However I see so many parents in RL and on here refusing to limit their child's screen time that it's little wonder your daughter feels that some boys have a skewed perception of females and sex in general.

Rixera I agree porn will always be around but the medium through which it's accessed is so, so much more accessible these days.

I think it is just as worrying for the boys, they have this knowledge that they are not emotionally ready to deal with, ie they don't realise what is not appropriate to say to their peers. Last year a boy she has known since she was 5 told her she had a nice ass. They were barely 13 at the time. She laughed not knowing how to respond and thinking it sounded like an odd thing to say, and he laughed too as if he thought it was the sort of thing he ought to say but also realising how silly it sounded. That is a fairly simple example and I wrote it off as kids finding their way but apparently the comments have ramped up since then. Listening to her stories though I can see how some of those boys will get themselves into trouble for not understanding boundaries while not being mature enough to even know what exactly they did wrong! Yes, porn has been around forever but it was not necessarily available to everyone and was certainly not as easily accessible as it is now with Internet access.