would do you do with a sulker ?

[pipsqueak25]

i ignore them but what do you do ? - when it is an adult is it so irritating,

gleam sulking has negative connotations. Would you really be happy to tell your family and friends you're sulking or in a fit of the sulks?

I describe myself as withdrawn in the situations you describe.

Of course you can describe yourself however you want 🙂

But who is being more honest ahickie? You or gleam? When does being a bit withdrawn turn into a sulk? Is it in the eye of the sulker or the receiver of the sulk?

Imo it depends upon the aim of the sulk. If it is to manipulate another person into changing their action that is wrong. If it is to give the sulker time to process emotion that is fine. As long as (one the emotions are processed) they then use words to convey their processed emotions to the other party, and use words or cogent arguments to change the other party's behaviour (or come to some other compromise)

Withdrawn - needing space and time alone to quietly get over something.

Sulking - deliberately removing oneself from a situation, physically or metaphorically, in order to punish and manipulate.

I was a sulker as a child (grown out of it since). I just vonted to be alone, so I'd storm up to my bedroom in a huff. Once there I'd happily read, draw, listen to the radio etc. But if Mum or Dad knocked on the door I would have to immediately stop whatever I was doing and resume my glum face and folded arms. I was a right little shit.

mypurple as gleam said she doesn't withdraw herself to get her own way, I wouldn't describe her behaviour as sulking.

I agree it does depend on the intention of the person who is withdrawn or sulking, as summarised by Stratters

Yes. But when you are on the receiving end of a withdrawal.... it can definitely feel like a sulk! Especially when both parties are upset.

Liz that sounds very familiar for many teenagers. And certainly less damaging than punching holes in walls (which seems the other end of going off in a huff)

I think there is a difference between sulking/withdrawal as described by PPs above and giving someone the silent treatment. The former is a normal response to something unpleasant happening and taking time to process that, the latter is intended to punish and manipulate and is pretty damn abusive.

Sulking in order to punish can only be dealt with in one way Imo. Tell them to fuck off out of sight until they're over themselves. Then carry on as normal as if they aren't there if they don't.

No patience for it.

My DH used to do this. Finally all blew up when he culminated in a 3-day sulk (not making eye contact, curt necessary communication only).

My crime? I had (very calmly and not snarkily!) pointed out on a car journey that this was why I preferred to leave 10 minutes earlier (entirely predictable heavy traffic that made us miss an appointment). We had had the discussion beforehand and he had dismissed the need.

I was so angry I just let rip that out of all the silly, minor things that happen in marriage, he deems this worthy of 3 days treating me like I don't exist. I told him I wasn't going to stick around just so someone could look right through me and that I'd rather give him what he obviously wants and leave him to himself (permanently).

He was shocked (I normally just ignore him until it blows over, but this was too long) and tried to blather something about needing space to process his own emotions.

We agreed that he can take time to himself being quiet if he wants, but that he must communicate openly that this is what is going on when I ask (instead of silence or denying a problem), and that deliberate avoiding of eye contact is disrespectful.

It works fine now. He can have his legitimate 'time outs', but he is not allowed to sulk me into an apology if he thinks one is due.

Sulking is a method that children use to get attention. If an adult does it then they are attention seeking on a grand scale and they should know better. I would stick them firmly on "ignore".

My mum is sulking at the moment for a variety of reasons...when she's ready to behave more maturely we will pick up where we left off.