Fake Christmas - should I go?

[Itsallabitcrazyhere]

Every year my in-laws and SIL go off for Christmas somewhere warm. Never once have they visited us but have twice gone the other side of the world to visit BIL. They insist on having a fake Christmas the weekend before as some sort of making it up to DH. I suggested this year they come to us for this charade but FIL 'wouldn't be comfortable'. I suggested we visit them the day before they go so we were avoiding 4 hours of pointless round trips.. not possible as they will be getting ready. They are retired FGS?.
For the last few days I've felt awful, just slept for 18 hours with sinus infection, sorry throat and raging headache. I've suggested to DH that it's ill advised to take my illness to them to which I get, "oh they have colds already"
I do feel for DH, I really do - his dad is quite controlling and DH likes to keep the peace.

I've said this is the last year I do this before today - do I put up, shut up, od on Sudafed and go? Or do I risk upsetting DH?

MrsDB - yes I've come to this conclusion this morning through some helpful advice here - I'm going, will push down any negative feelings. Accept that I don't think things through the way others do and do my best to make DH happy as he's the one trapped in the middle.

I'm so sorry that your DH's parents don't value him. It's so unfair, isn't it? I just don't understand how a parent can do that.

I think at this point all you can do is let him 'lead' the relationship for now. Xmas isn't the time to try and change family dynamics unless there is actual risk involved.

Maybe in the New Year gently try to get him to realize that he doesn't need their approval, that it's actually futile to try to earn it. That they've assigned him a 'role' in the family and it is up to him to refuse to play that role. He needs to truly take in just how much he is loved and valued by you and by his friends and by your family, because so many who are assigned the role of 'goat' by their families never truly believe they are worthwhile. And he is worth much more than the way his parents treat him. Perhaps counseling?

Hope the day isn't too awful. Maybe you can speed your way home by coughing and hacking all over the dinner table. I'd suggest up-chucking in your FiL's suitcase, but that's probably a bit too much.