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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be scared of spending my life alone

16 replies

user1481835600 · 17/12/2016 10:42

I've never understood the worry about 'spending your life alone'.

I have a beautiful Son who I love. Yes my life is a bit challenging at the moment due to unemployment (hoping to get a job in my field soon) but while the unemployment brings me down terribly, not having a partner never has.

I have lost count of how many dates I've been asked out on over the years. I turned dates down at my old work place and most recently yesterday when I met someone on a train. I just didn't have any chemistry with them.

I'm certainly not opposed to the idea of meeting someone. It would be lovely. But I've always been someone who felt it would be better to be single than with someone who just isn't right for me.

I ended a three year relationship as I wasn't happy. I loved him but wasn't in love with him. I've been much happier since I was single.

When I think of what I want to achieve in life the main priority is finding full-time employment. The second is for my Son to have the opportunities to succeed. Finally it's to live in an area I like with friends around me. But when I think of my life I don't need to see a man in it. In fact, it doesn't even register as something I particularly want. I've never dreamed of getting married, never fantasised about my 'big day' or my wedding dress.

While it's lovely to share your life with someone, I can get that from friends and family. Even though I don't have many friends in my local area I have friends in other parts of the UK.

I love living with just my Son. The thought of spending my life without a partner has never worried me and I have never felt the need to look for love via on line dating or similar.

I seem to be a rare breed these days. AIBU?

OP posts:
uncoolnn · 17/12/2016 10:44

YANBU. I ended a 6 year relationship just 12 months ago for pretty much the same reasons and I'm much happier on my own. Similar to you, I'm not opposed to the idea of meeting someone, I just don't feel I 'need' to meet someone.

Manumission · 17/12/2016 10:44

YANBU.

RedHelenB · 17/12/2016 10:45

YANBU - I feel the same but your children will leave the nesy one day. Still think Id be ok with my own company though.

Original poster
user1481835600 · 17/12/2016 10:46

I actually think I would struggle to spend my life with someone. Having another adult living with me would drive me mad. I never have to put up
With anyone else's irritating mannerisms.

Obviously if I met the right person for me I would see past that. But they have to be the right person.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1481835600 · 17/12/2016 10:47

Yes my Son will be living his own life one day but I think I will enjoy that too. I'm very extrovert and enjoy the company of others. But I like living alone and spending a lot of my time alone.

When I'm working I talk a lot and I'm very sociable but once I've left work I like the silence.

OP posts:
Shiningexample · 17/12/2016 10:52

I have a very low need for 'togetherness' and find cohabiting intolerable,
I am in an LTR but we only spend a few hours together once or twice a week which suits me fine

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 10:57

Excellent and I wish society acknowledged and valued this more - less people would be frightened to leave crap relationships.

Christmasmice · 17/12/2016 11:08

I'm very happy alone.
That said I miss having good sex (casual sex has never appealed. It feels a bit unsatisfying to me). I miss having someone bring me a cup of tea or cooking me a meal after a long day.
And I miss snuggling up of the sofa to watch a good film.
On balance I'd rather find someone to be with. But it doesn't change that there's lots of amazing things to being single.

LeoTimmyandVi · 17/12/2016 11:38

I have been a lone parent with 2 children for 9.5 years. Been on 2 dates in that time and just found OLD exhausting! I love my home with my 2 kids and sometimes imagine what it would like with another adult in the house - and it scares me! I do what I want when I want and would resent not being able to do it.

That said, if a relationship with someone I had chemistry with came along I wouldn't say no, but I am certainly not looking!

GrandDesespoir · 17/12/2016 11:45

I love living with just my Son.

If you're sharing your home with someone you love, you're not really alone, imo.

Marmalade85 · 17/12/2016 11:48

I'm the same as you OP. If someone doesn't make your life better then there is really no need.

PacificDogwod · 17/12/2016 11:49

YANBU.

I have never understood people going from one relationship in to another, often without any kind of break as if being in any relationship, even a meh or bad one, is better than none Confused
I don't get that.
I am saying that as a longterm married person, but should I find myself alone I would not be going out of my way to 'find' Another Man.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 17/12/2016 11:51

I have just split from a long term (13 year) relationship. I hope to find what you have.

OhhBetty · 17/12/2016 11:54

Yanbu. I'm a lone parent too but I never feel alone because I have my son. Our home is filled with love.

To be honest the only people who seem to have a problem with me being single are my friends in relationships. I always get the "oh you'll meet someone and you'll be so happy one day". Erm, I already am thanks!!!

Artandco · 17/12/2016 11:56

I don't think you are alone though if you live with your son? Even when he's grown and moved away he's going to still be family and someone to call and visit and ask for help

NotJustAnotherUsername · 17/12/2016 11:57

Me too OP and yes I think we're a rare breed. Most people do seem to have the need or want for a partner, I just don't.

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