to not want to do this today?

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

DH's parents are on holiday. They've asked us to go and visit them today. They're in a holiday home which is nearly a 4 hour round trip away. We'd only be able to stay for about 2 hours at the most.

AIBU to not want to do this? I was hoping to do some shopping but otherwise just chill out. I am being seen as a spoilsport who is putting a dampener on things. Told DH to go by himself if he wants to. Am I horrible?

Why on earth should you subject your DS to a four hour round trip when you're going to see plenty of them next week?

Has your DH checked whether they really want to see him on his own, as opposed to him plus DS?

I don't think the four hour round trip is bad per se, it's just the fact that it's such a short visit. It makes it absolutely pointless. If we were going overnight then obviously it makes it worthwhile. But this isn't really about them seeing DS - it's about them wanting the company, even if it's just for a short time. I've said to my DH many times "nothing is ever simple is it?"

My parents are much more scatty and hard work than PILs but I manage their behaviour (that sounds bad but it's true). If my parents had suggested a plan like this I would have outright told them it was unfeasible and made no sense...and we'd see them next week. DH doesn't like doing that with his PILs. It's a different relationship.

sorry I did read it, did you mean 4 hrs there and 4 hrs back or 4 hrs all together, and I did read just for a 2 hr visit, just a bloody typo.. got a stinking cold so browsing MN makes me feel better lol

They would rather DH went on his own than no one at all, but what they really want is for us all to go. If I don't go then they think I'm stopping DS and DH from going too. It's nearly lunchtime!!!!! Whatever.

It's threads like this that make me glad that despite their faults I have parents who would think the suggestion of twice as much travelling as a visit somewhere would give is a stupid plan!

And these are parents who drove with 3dcs to south of France every year!

Oh well, at least now maybe DH can tell them you can't go because DS can't, and therefore you need to stay home to look after him.

What a crappy way to live your life, afraid to tell your parents 'no, that doesn't work for me' as a grown man

Doesn't seem fair to you and your DS! I'm glad you've at least put your foot down and refused to participate in this ridiculous kowtowing.

He still hasn't made his mind up.

You're right Ewe - he's not very good at dealing with confrontation and he's very worried about upsetting them. As such he's not really got boundaries or an understanding of social norms sometimes. He had quite an odd upbringing (not abusive or anything...just "eccentric" (my favourite word). He has got better because he's had to compromise for mine and DS' sake. I'm not the type of person to just go along with things to please others...I have self respect and want to have my feelings and wishes taken in to consideration too.

(I do think he'd prefer it though if I just went along with everything. I know the in laws see me as a trouble-maker).

He's decided to go. I've had some time to myself as he came back and took DS out for lunch. He's bringing DS back and then heading off. Good luck to him, that's what I say.

About 10 years ago my ILs were like this. They offered to pay for us to go on a cruise with them (bearing in mind we were 19 and 20 and busy at uni) so they'd have company. We said no. They're ok now but often book holidays "in the New Forest" i.e. "on our son's doorstep" rather than going to Scotland or something.