To be feeling sick and anxious about money?

[CodyandtheCups]

Just that really. Not really an AIBU
I suppose but I just need to believe that other people have been in this position and come out the other side.
I went on maternity leave almost two years ago, ended up with depression, anxiety and OCD. Didn't go back to work. I on on 60mg Prozac and see a psychologist one a fortnight. My DH is working two jobs at the moment, one is just a weekend job with very little pay and we are so skint.
I'm going to to start thinking about getting back to work in the new year but at the moment I feel sick
With worry every day about money.
My dad is almost two and I feel so guilty that I can't afford to give her the things I had as a child. I just feel
Crap and xmas makes me feel worse

Sorry dd obviously. My dad is not almost two, that would be weird

I can't afford to give my DD the toys I had as a child but what I can afford to give her is a home with a mother who loves her.
That is worth more than any amount of money.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I didn't think I would end up with depression. I don't know what I did wronh

You didn't do anything wrong. Pnd is an illness and it was not caused by anything you did. The anxiety about money may be heightened by your pnd so maybe talk to your psychologist about this next time you see them.

Also please don't worry about not being able to give your dd material things. She is only little and won't care! All she needs is a love form mummy and daddy ( and she sounds like has that with bells on)

Think of what you would say to a friend in your situation.
Would you really say 'you did x y and z wrong so now you have PND, you terrible person' or would you say sometimes bad things happen to good people and it's just poor luck?
Would you say to a friend 'well you don't have a lot of money so clearly your child will be miserable.' or would you say she has enough because you love her?

You can't magic PND away but what you can do is give your baby a huge hug and tell her you love her.
And maybe do some colouring.
Everyone loves colouring.