To wonder if my PND has resulted in my child being anxious and over sensitive?

[Flamingo1980]

Looking for your stories and/or thoughts please.
My daughter is three and a half. Up until she was about two and a half I had awful PND and she saw me cry nearly every day. We had very little bond and she used to stiffen when I tried to hold her or be affectionate with her. This only added to my PND and things were terrible up until we moved house and I became more relaxed and generally happier.
She's now much more affectionate and we are closer.
However I'm now quite worried that I've damaged her. She's so hyper alert to my emotions and feelings. If I look a bit sad she instantly looks worried and asks "mummy are you happy?". I feel she's too young to be worrying about my happiness and should just be being a kid. She also tells me she loves me around 15 times a day, which on one hand is great, but on the other I worry that she's saying it just to make me happy as opposed to really meaning it - if you know what I mean? I worry that she's growing into a "pleaser" which isn't great is it? She's insanely helpful and her nursery give her rave reviews.
The other thing she does is always point out things other people are wearing and compliment them "oh grandma I love your shoes!" "Auntie Sally I like your coat!". Is this normal or is she saying it as she's anxious to make people happy? I've not heard any of my friends kids say that and certainly not on a daily basis.
Arghhh I know I sound paranoid but that's because I am. I know that what happens to a child up until they are two has a huge impact on their emotional development and if watching your sole caregiver bawl her eyes out on a daily basis doesn't fuck you up, what will? Other than that she's a normal kid. Sleeps well, eats reasonably well, hits all her milestones and is never ill.
Any thoughts? Please be kind I'm bashing myself up enough!

She sounds a caring wonderful little girl who you can be proud of and cherish and tell her every day how wonderful she is. You are better and move on. Well done raising a caring person the world needs girls like your dd and mums like you who are concerned enough to worry.

Don't. Enjoy her and your special mother daughter bond.

I have 2 teen dds and it's bloody wonderful

Are you affectionate with her now? Lots kisses and cuddles ect. You can't change the past but you can change the future

Should have clarifed -- stop worrying about whats happened and enjoy yourself and your dd.

She sounds lovely! My two DS teller they love me a lot - they're very affectionate. Your dd sounds similar.

Enjoy her. She's lucky to have a mum who cares so much.

Such an interesting topic. I have similar worries, my PND resulted in me spending a good few years on a knife edge of aggression. My son really had trouble settling in nursery and school and he is still described as very quiet by his teachers. He has a tremendous fear of getting anything wrong as his early experiences were of being shouted at/around/near if he or indeed anything went wrong.
I think the only thing that you can do, is to consistently model a different behaviour. I have to make a conscious effort to remain a more moderate and reasonable person than my initial reaction would demonstrate. I don't always succeed. All we/you can do is the best you can at any one moment. Please don't beat yourself up just be the best mum you can at THIS time. We can't change the past!
Good luck x

My DS said similar things at about the same age and at 5 he still tells me he loves me every day. I didn't have PND, did full on feeding on demand, cosleeping etc and he is definitely not a people pleaser!

She sounds so gorgeous.

I had PND with both of mine, and have chronic depression which flares from time to time. My oldest is very sensitive and I wondered about that too; but my youngest, with whom I also had PND is the complete opposite! DS1 is now 7, and is very empathic, and is very similar to me in his sensitivity and anxieties. His mum (me) really understands him though; I hope that this understanding will mean he doesn't suffer in the same way I do. DS2 (now 5) is empathic towards me but not others particularly; we are very in tune with eachother. He is self assured and confident, but not in an arrogant way; which makes him very popular in his class. I wish I had as many friends as he did!

With my latest bout of depression, I did find that the boys pulled away from me a bit; as they got very little back from me. They got what they needed from my DH though, and as I recovered they have reconnected with me and the relationship has just about recovered. I'm actually closer to DS1 now I think; we understand eachother very well!

Your post has struck a chord with me.

When my daughter was 2 I went through a very rough period where I distanced myself from my family and withdrew from being a mum. I was depressed and I don't recognise who I was back then. I got through and fell back in love with family life again.

My daughter (now six) had really bad separation anxiety up until very recently and general nervousness, she is very sensitive by nature. I blamed myself totally for this depite my bad patch being only brief. I have given myself a kicking about it for years until recently.

But what use is blaming yourself, or spending time wondering about the cause? Move forward and enjoy her, she sounds like a little darling. Being caring and sensitive to others feelings are such wonderful traits, not weaknesses.

I have learnt it is more a reflection of how I view myself, so I've really worked on my opinion of myself.

Be kind to yourself

Agree with above posts. If you start to fret about the first years being so vital you will invite guilt and more worry and this could lead to further issues. Be proud that you have identified your PND and are therefore on track to being the best you can be. Children's personalities develop and grow. She sounds perfect as she is. She may have heard staff at the nursery constantly giving compliments and that is what she is copying. It's nice that she does this and you shouldn't worry about it. Allow yourself to feel confident and that means moving forward

Kids are resilient. You can only be the best parent you can be at any time and it's only the good parents who beat themselves up so by definition they have been good because they care enough to worry if that makes sense

My DS is 3.5 and I have quite severe anxiety (mainly emetophobia) but think I have done okish in hiding it from him.
He is constantly asking people if they are happy, concerned if he thinks someone is in danger (like walking to close to the edge of the pavement), tells me more and more each day that he loves me, and compliments people on their clothes sometimes. I sometimes wonder if my MH has affected him, but most of the time just think that he is a lovely, sensitive, caring, considerate little boy (but can be an absolute demon at times!!)
You have struggled and got through it, and you are bringing up a girl who will have not only seen the weak moments, but also the fact that her mum is a strong and amazing woman, someone I'm sure she will be proud to say is her mum.
Keep doing what you are doing because it sounds to me like you are raising a fantastic little girl!
She sounds adorable and I'm sure that her and my DS would get on brilliantly, constantly asking each other if they are happy!
Now I just need to tell myself these same things, and not berate myself for every little thing! Xx

What lovely children they all sound ladies well done