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AIBU?

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Original poster

Total exhaustion - help

21 replies

blondieblonde · 14/12/2016 21:29

I'm completely exhausted. Our 20 month old has never slept for more than four hours at a time and will only let me comfort her at night (and also still breastfeeding). I have a demanding job which I'm doing part time and an older toddler. My husband is great and shares the chores and quite a bit of childcare too, but recently I am completely exhausted to the point where I can't keep up with the kids and keep losing my temper. I've got mouth ulcers, odd bruises on my body and hardly enough energy to move my face around. Does anyone have any tips. I simply don't know what to do.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Flamingo1980 · 14/12/2016 21:35

Get a child sleep consultant.

elodie2000 · 14/12/2016 21:35

Flowers Can you get help with cleaning/ washing etc.? I paid for a cleaner for a few years when I went back to work.
Is breastfeeding still working for you both? Is your DC taking solids well?

insan1tyscartching · 14/12/2016 21:39

See a GP and ask for blood tests as there may be an underlying reason for the exhaustion.

Original poster
blondieblonde · 14/12/2016 21:57

Breastfeeding isn't working that well for me, but I've no other idea of how to get her to sleep - and she is obsessed with it. Way too tired for pick up put down or anything like that.

I could get a cleaner - that is a good suggestion.

OP posts:
JeopardyMouse · 14/12/2016 22:00

Sleep deprivation is horrific. Lower your standards. Do the bare minimum. The sleep situation will get better. Does she sleep much in the day? Our sleeping improved when my DD dropped her daytime nap. Although it made the days long.

SausageD0g · 14/12/2016 22:02

Sleep deprivation is truly horific. Lots of people woudnt manage 4 hours sleep long term .

I woulldnt have managed working when I was that sleep deprived. Lower standards definitely and take allt he help you can get. I used to sleep as soon as kids were asleep.

elodie2000 · 14/12/2016 22:04

Blondie

  1. Get advice from HV or doc re. weaning her off breastf it isn't working for you
  2. Yes, get a cleaner! Flowers
Allthewaves · 14/12/2016 22:04

Imo it's short term pain long term gain. Could you leave dh with kids for a night so your boobs are unavailable. Then send dh in for a week to settle?

Your gong to end up with probably a horrendous wk but would break the cycle

CelticPromise · 14/12/2016 22:06

Co sleep for a while? Agree lower your standards and go to bed when she does.

Original poster
blondieblonde · 14/12/2016 22:13

Thanks - we do co sleep already (on floor level bed) and it is best poss scenario.

Jeopardymouse isn't she a bit young to drop nap? I have considered it, but she is quite a good napper and will do 2 hours after lunch... during which I focus on deprived older child. Though I do sometimes let her watch TV. But then there's always something to do -- cooking, cleaning, buying xmas presents.

OP posts:
TheLongRoadToXmas · 14/12/2016 22:14

There are lots of good ideas in the No Cry Sleep Solution for breastfeeding mums of older babies / toddlers who don't want to wean completely but do want some sleep, that might be a good place to start.

Personally, at that age (earlier, in fact) I'd night weaned but carried on with a bedtime and first thing in the morning feed. It did involve DH dealing with a very cross baby who wanted me / milk for several nights in a row, but I figured that if they were safe, looked after, offered water (in case of thirst) and in their dad's arms then nothing really bad would happen and they'd learn that sometimes milk wasn't available. Would your husband be up for doing that?

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 22:24

Lovely my advice as a mum of 4 whose last child B/f for 22 months until I put my aching foot down is,

Book time off work and plan your approach,

Just stop B/f yes I know it's fucking awful and it will be awful for about 3 days until your milk goes abs she gets it there's no more boob. My dd went straight to s cup.

There's no need to feed a 22 month old st night so do cc. Seriously it saved my sanity and I am not being dramatic here.

but you have to be focused, expect to ride out hell and get dh on board.

It's my best advice and it seriously made my life go from utter hell to utter heaven.

3 days of crying and soothing to acceptance and sleeping all night. But it's tough! But totally worth it.

NicknameUsed · 14/12/2016 22:35

"See a GP and ask for blood tests as there may be an underlying reason for the exhaustion."

This ^^. The mouth ulcers and bruises need checking out.

MrsMeggles · 14/12/2016 22:42

Same advice as LongRoad really. The best thing I did was night wean my daughter, once I had hit full on exhaustion at about 11 months. By simply sending my OH in to comfort her instead of me, she was always comforted or cuddled - even though she did fight it to begin with! Like PP we had a very cross (defo cross rather than hearbroken) baby for about a week - though within a week or two her night wakings reduced to sleeping right through. And she was soon much happier and less clingy in the day as a result. I gave myself a 8pm to 6am rule when I did not feed, after 6 am when she woke I brought her in with me for a snuggle and feed. And I continued to feed morning and night for another 8 months. It brought so much joy back into breastfeeding - which I then loved right up to the end of our BFing journey.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2016 22:46

When dn was similar, sil just went away for 3 days. To a spa. Left dn with her father. Boob wasn't there so it wasn't an option. All was sorted in her return, boob never given again.

JeopardyMouse · 14/12/2016 22:51

Yes she is little to completely drop the nap - could you shorten it? My DD always had a good two hour nap and seemed to really need it (was almost impossible to wake early etc) but looking back I think it made bedtimes a lot harder. When she did drop it at two and a half she went to sleep straight away and slept really well. I loved that two hours of peace though. It was a lifesaver some days.

JeopardyMouse · 14/12/2016 22:53

Also the way I ended bf was because I was pregnant it was too sore to feed so I just had to say no. It was easier for me as I had no choice so I couldn't have said yes even if I'd wanted to. DD was slightly upset but it didn't last long. Just a couple of times of asking and me saying no.

BurningBridges · 14/12/2016 23:00

if you have little bruises it could be vitamin deficiency or anaemia, can you show your GP?

MsJamieFraser · 14/12/2016 23:00

You need to get some help with self soothing.

At the weekends, one gets a lie in (by that one parent deals with the child during the night) then swop.

Cleaner in the interim.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 14/12/2016 23:06

Yeah OP you might also have iron deficiency or something causing the other symptoms so please do make an appointment. I hope things start to get a bit better for you

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 23:15

And this will pass op honestly they all do sleep xx

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