AIBU to be a bit peed off with work colleagues

[Bunnyfuller]

I work for one of the emergency services as support staff. I moved into a new role (and new team) in June, and Christmas is understandably a bit manic. However, this year, due to the team being fully staffed, we're actually very on top of things. In Nov I asked what they normally did at Christmas and they all said they like to go out for lunch but struggle for someone to organise it. So I offered to, and did so. In the interim I have somehow got 3 huge projects, all of which are very time sensitive and crucial to public safety, and the last two days have been horrendous with one area having sickness issues (and nothing to fall back on!) and another rife with people trying to avoid shitty duties. I've had one wee at work In two days! No one has asked if I need a hand, or offered to assist with anything, just kept flagging stuff for me to deal with. They've all worked together for a long time, and it feels very cliquey. They help each other out.

So today is the Christmas lunch. I was flat out all morning, at ten to 12 they all got their coats on and I said I would follow, and gave one of them the booking info, menu choices and money. I was stuck there another 30 mins and texted the boss 'start without me, not sure if I will make it'. I made a few calls and asked for an hour and went to join them.

Two of them had eaten my starter, which caused much hilarity. I get that they thought I wasn't coming, but I was already pissed off no one had blinked an eye leaving me in the office. So I had my main with everyone. We'd all paid the money to me, for the amount for the meal. AIBU thinking they could've at least (the ones who ate my starter) offered me a bite of their bloody pudding, if not the cost of the starter. We all paid different amounts as it wasn't a set menu, the ones who ate my starter hadn't ordered one. We're not well paid and I'm not close enough to any of them to just throw £6 away on a freebie!!

Luckily I have wine to join me in my petty seethe!

Is there a reason you couldn't down tools at the same time as them? As your boss went with them too it's not like he could expect you to remain behind??

I think he assumed we had agreed it between ourselves. I couldn't go as I had two very senior managers needing answers to questions about 2 separate issues which were hitting this Friday. He's very caring (he texted me to see if I was ok and could I make it and I think was shocked they'd left me to it). I wasn't sharing a lift with anyone so am guessing he thought I was just going to follow.

They sound really rude, they should have stayed and helped you in anyway they could (maybe send a couple to the restaurant to hold the table) and then you should all have left together. If they wanted your started they should have sent you a text asking and you should have been offered the money for it.

I can see why you were annoyed but you had a simple choice to make, stay and do your work or down tools with the rest of them and go for your meal. You stayed because of your professionalism, this can be a rod for your own back sometimes. In hindsight would it have been the end of the world if your work hadn't been done? Would that have been a better outcome for you than what has happened, with you (justifiably) a bit miffed?

I can see why they thought you weren't coming, they probably thought it was a shame to waste your starter. It's not "funny" but I can see why some people thought it was, especially if they had been arsing about relaxing for an hour or more by the time you got there.

I can see two issues here, one on the surface and one more telling: the incident with the meal is not really your problem. You are actually upset that you don't feel supported or appreciated, that nobody is offering to help you with your work and that you are the only one who is professional enough to see that it all gets done.

It's a dangerous mix; a difficult situation has been slowly smouldering waiting for something to properly ignite it. The flippancy and lack of respect shown by the people eating your starter (that you paid for!) is indicative of how you feel they are treating you generally.

You feel like a bit of an outsider, and today you showed that you are a bit of an outsider. You stayed at work because you are professional, they downed tools and went for lunch. This is not necessarily a bad thing, I would do the same thing (and would be just as annoyed!).

Try not to be too irritated by this one incident, but it may be worth speaking to your manager, HR, someone like that, to discuss your real concerns. That you are overworked and under-appreciated.

I'm sure you can swallow the loss of the money your starter cost, but it's the bigger principle and this incident is indicative of a less-than-enjoyable working environment.

You've hit the nail on the head, pencil. Not the professionalism, I just couldn't wriggle away from these senior people! But in terms of unsupported, yes. The team is actually under investigation for bullying a previous staff member, and frankly, I'm on her side if this is how she was treated. I have spoken to the managers but I'm on a secondment and I think they're all scared of a couple of key players kicking off. Normally I keep my head down and crack in but today just gripped me with the utter rudeness! I went back early (to get the last bit of the issues resolved) and the senior manager had obviously had a word as there was a chorus of heartfelt 'thanks for sorting the lunch'. I didn't want bloody thanks, I wanted a bit of team approach to the dhitstorms I was juggling! Thanks both of you :-)

We actually had a staff lunch today and one colleague stayed behind to work, turning up about an hour later and moaning that there was no food left for her! We gave up texting her to come along and in the end assumed she just didn't really want to come. It was paid for by our employers though so slightly different perhaps?

In your shoes, especially as a new team member, I'd have gone along with everyone else and then caught up with work by staying late and/or coming in early if it was needed by Friday. I can see why you're annoyed but I don't think they've done anything massively wrong.

I can't change my hours as I work around the beloved school times :-) and these are time sensitive decisions, it had to be done when it was (the emergency services bit).

They all sound really insensitive.
Hope your Christmas improves.

I don't actually get the issue?

You offered to arrange it? You handed over the booking info (and money??) and said you would would join them?

And you squibble over £6?

All paying your own amounts sounds completely joyless to, how long did that take???

Sorry I think you are being a bit U here and suguest you don't put yourself forward next year.

Too
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OK well I now see there are lots of underlying issues here with the team in general so it puts a different spin on things.